Breaking up is hard to do

My family and I returned from vacationing the North East. I planned on training while on vacation. I didn't. But I didn't overeat much while gone. So that's a plus. When I returned I realized something that I've known for a long time. I don't enjoy training powerlifting. I love competing in powerlifting meets. But I don't enjoy the training. I miss weightlifting. I love weightlifting training. And I love weightlifting meets. I miss obsessing over my former goal of qualifying for the Masters national weightlifting championships (I did qualify once in my 5+ years of weightlifting). So I guess what this means is I'm going to stop powerlifting. That sucks because I love my new powerlifting coach, Vernon Smith. He's awesome. I love the way he programs and I think the world of him as a person. I'm not sure how to break this to him. I think, honestly, I need to approach this like a business transaction. I tend to get overly attached to my coaches and feel guilty and stressed when I choose to move on to another coach or another sport. Especially my last few. My weightlifting coach Joaquin Chaves and my nutrition coach Barry Schroeder. I adore botth of them. I still feel guilty when I see them or talk to one of them. So long story short I want to go back to weightlifting. My current work schedule doesn't work with my two favorite weightlifting coaches here in Albuquerque, Joaquin Chaves or Vernon Smith (Vernon coaches both powerlifting and weightlifting). So I need to try and figure out something. Not sure what yet. But I'll work it out somehow.

The 2017 New Mexico games weightlifting report

91/117/208k
BW 148.8k

Today I competed in the 2017 New Mexico games. This meet is the state championships for weightlifting. I'd won the last three years in my age group and weight class. This year I wasn't expecting to do very well. I was out for 6 months with a non-weightlifting related back injury. I've only been back to training for three and a half weeks.

When I first got there I was so happy. I saw all my current teammates, teammates from my former gym, and other weightlifting buddies I've made over the last 5 years. I love weightlifting so much. A lot of the reason is the people. The only person I didn't get to see who I was looking forward to seeing was David B from my old gym. He and I lifted at the same time the full 3.5 years I lifted in Santa Fe. I absolutely adore him and his wife. They're great people who I miss seeing and training with.

Pictured below is my former coach Shane Miller and my current coach Joaquin Chaves. I love both these guys so much. They are more than just friends and mentors.

 I also was lucky enough to be able to get a picture with my current coach, former coach, and my former nutrition coach Barry Schroeder. I'm going to have this picture framed and I'm going to hang it in with my families pictures. Barry was the one who was my motivation to get into weightlifting long ago and he took me under his wing and taught me about weightlifting specific nutrition.

The last couple weeks I haven't been able to snatch anything more than 86k. I only made 84k two out of 7 attempts. Coach Joaquin Chaves told me he wanted to start out at 90k. I begged him to let me start at 74k. He told me he wanted me to start out at 84 at least. He said he knew I could get a 90 easy. Long story short, I made 3 good lifts for the snatch. 84/88/91. Even after 6 months away from weightlifting I was able to get within 9k of my lifetime best snatch of 100k. Coach Chavez was right. I made 91k easy. No problem at all. I need to trust him. He knows my ability more than I do. Anytime I ever doubt him I always find out he was right. 

The clean and jerks felt great also. I made a 114k/117k and missed a 121. There was no reason at all for me to have missed the 121. I pulled it high enough. I just had that same pause at the knee that I usually do with my snatches.

I've noticed the last few weeks my strength has come back quickly. But it's taking me longer to recover between sets than it used to. I never told coach Chaves I wasn't recovering as quickly. I also never told him during the meet that to do well I'd need more time between lifts. But he knew. And after every set he'd change my weight two or three times to buy me extra recovery time. Thanks in large part to my coach I finished 1st in my age group and weight class. This was the fourth straight year I was state champion. But this time it was just plain luck. I was the only one in my division competing.

Now that I'm back into the weightlifting game my next goal is to qualify for the 2018 masters national weightlifting championships that will be held in Buffalo NY. I'll need a 230k total. That's only 22k more than my total today. That gives me plenty of time.

It's been 6.5 months since my last sports competition. That was the longest I'd gone without competing since 2004. I missed competition. My next sporting event is the New Mexico games track and field on June 24th. Its going to be held at Milne stadium in Albuquerque New Mexico. Thats within walking distance of my house!

Nutrition and less weightlifting support

I learned a ton from my former nutrition coach Barry Schroeder. I decided I'd try some of the things I learned from him. I spent the last 15 days logging everything I ate and measuring how much I weighed. Based off of those two numbers I figured out my metabolic rate. It's a little over 4,100 calories a day. So I'm going to eat 3,400 calories on days I do weightlifting. And 2,800 on days I don't train. That should put me at a 7000 calorie a week deficit. 7,000 calories should make me lose approximately 2 pounds. I doubt I'll stick with it for long. I never do. But I'll try it for now.

My weightlifting coach, Joaquin Chaves, told me he wanted me to train three times this week. Monday, Wednesday, and today.  I wasn't able to train this morning at High Dessert Athletic Club. Normally I'd just shoot him a text and ask him to send me the workout for me to do on my own. But he told me not to text him anymore. I waited all day to see if he'd text me a workout. I never got one. Coach Chaves is looking for ways to decrease the demands in his life. I'm doing my best to be patient and understanding.....

UFC 207 and retirement from the prison

Last night was UFC 207. Rousey's return. My wife and I hosted a fight party at our house. A few of my wife's high school friends and her brother showed up. Not one person I invited showed. I really love my new job here. I have a great nutrition coach who lives in the city. Most importantly I have one of the top weightlifting coaches in the nation. But I worked at the prison since I got out of high school. I lived on prison grounds. All my friends were fellow prison guards. My entire life was there. Albuquerque has a lot of potential. But I'm home sick. I miss the camaraderie of the prison. I miss feeling needed. I miss the feeling of belonging. But mostly I miss my friends. So far I think retirement from the prison kind of sucks.

rest makes for great training and a happy life

The last 10 weeks my body weight has gradually decreased. That's a first. My entire life my weight would fluctuate huge amounts in short periods of time. I think that has a lot to do with a few really wonderful things going on in my life right now:

1) I'm only working 40-50 hours a week. From 2006-2016 I worked 80-90 hours a week.

2) I'm sleeping almost 8 hours a night. This is the first time I've had that luxury since 2006!

3) I'm finally on a consistent schedule at work. For the first 5 months of my new career I didn't have a regular schedule. I was on call 24-7. I'd work all hours of day and night. That was harder than I thought it would be. But now I have enough senority to bid on a post. I'll be on this schedule until March when we post bid again.

4) I have a really fantastic sports nutrition coach. He's done a lot of work trying to get me out of my unhealthy habits and replace them with some great ones.

5) I have a world class weightlifting coach. With my new consistent schedule I'm able to be coached by him 3 out of my 4 training sessions a week.

All in all I'd say the last 6 weeks has been wonderful. I'd go as far as to say this has been one of the top two times of my life. I think I could get used to this.

Here's my weekly weight average the last 10 weeks.
9/11/16- 322
9/18/16-320
9/25/16- 321
10/2/16-321
10/9/16-320
10/16/16-317
10/23/16-317
10/30/16-318
10/6/16-316
10/13/16-315

first treadmill tabata of 2016

In addition to helping me with weight loss and a nutrition plan to continue to make strength gains for weightlifting, my nutrition coach has been trying to help me make lifestyle changes. I never thought that would work. Ever. But miracle of miracles, it has. Finding success with me has probably been one of the most trying and frusting goals of his life. But, by George, it's working. In addition to following his nutrition plan relatively well, I've started doing cardio 3 times a week. Today I did a treadmill tabata:
I did a warm up of 5 minutes, then I ran for 20 seconds on and then 10 seconds off @ a 12% grade at level 4 (15 minute per mile) for 10 rounds (5 minutes). The last 3 rounds I had to slow the pace and grab on to the bar to finish. Next time I think I'll lower the speed to a 3.6 (16:40). At that speed will probably be easy. But I haven't done cardio in years so it's better to start up slowly and build up then to get injured or throw myself into over training. After all, I am 40 years old. My body doesn't respond as well to new things as it used to.

todays lower calorie meal plan

Now that my weightlifting meet is done I asked my sports nutrition coach to help me drop weight a little quicker. My calories have been cut drastically. It'll be a challenge. This is what my meals look like today. With only a few exceptions I'm eating mostly meat and vegetables. My quest for the 105k weight class continues.

5am
Coffee
Half-n-half
4 eggs
1/4 cup onions
Canola oil
3 oz chicken breast

9am
9oz chicken breast
2 c. Broccoli
1 celery stick

1pm
6oz lean ground beef
1 cup carrots
Hot sauce
1 celery stick

4:30pm
2 hot Polish sausage
4 mini sweer peppers
2 celery sticks

5pm (weightlifting training)
8 oz Gatorade
1 scoop whey protein

6:30
Post workout shake

8pm
2.5 cups Dorrito salad
2 oc chicken breast

a year with my nutrition coach

I've been on a roll with my nutrition. By no means have I been perfect. I don't hit my protein goals as often as I'm supposed to. But I've nailed my calorie goals almost every day for close to 2 months. I've been working with my nutrition coach for a year now. Most of that time I was either struggling or had given up entirely. I'm finally getting some traction and consistency. But looking back I realize I learned more from the times I was failing than I did from the times I was doing great. But regardless of how I've been doing, the one consistent was that Barry, my nutrition coach has been there. He's been an unwavering force in my fight to become healthier, a better weightlifter, and get down to the 105k weight class. Since working with Barry I've learned a lot about nutrition for athletics and I've learned even more about myself. I've always known I struggle with food. & that I use eating as a stress relief. Working with Barry has helped me find other ways to deal with stress (still learning, still in the process). But what's helped the most was learning how to find out what's important to me and how to accomplish those things that are really important to me. He sent me an email awhile back. It was after my 4th time falling off the diet wago. It helped me peel back many of the layers of who I am, what's important to me, and why. Some of the revelations were surprising. Some of my reasons were much more dark and selfish than I ever thought I could be. The email said:

"Find your "Why"?

A very important, but sometimes overlooked factor in success or struggle with making changes is WHY you are making the changes.  Finding a good "why" or not can sometimes make or break your ability to change.  If you are trying to make a change because a magazine says you should or because you think it might be a good idea, you may not truly be motivated to make the changes over the long term.

If you can find a reason to make changes that legitimately motivates you, drives you and is genuinely important to you, the chances of sticking to the changes are increased significantly.  

"Why's" are extremely personal, too.  What motivates one person, may not carry any significance to another.  This is why it is important for you to take a look into your own, personal motivations.  Your "why" for working on your nutrition may be to improve your health, to improve your performance, to fit into your favorite pair of jeans, to look good in a bathing suit or to set a positive example for you children.  As long as it is really important to you, it's a good "why", regardless of what anyone else may think.

A good exercise for digging deeper into your "why" is to go through an exercise called "The 5 Whys".  If you are in the ProCoach program, you've probably already completed this.  If not, what you do is start by asking yourself "Why am I doing....?"  Once you have that answer, you ask yourself "Why is that important?" and continue to ask yourself "Why is that important?" until you've asked yourself "why" a total of 5 times.  By the 5th answer, you should be getting a pretty deep look into what is truly important to you.  For example:

Why am I working with a nutrition coach? Because I want to lose 20# and compete at the highest level possible at my sport.

Why is that important? Because I want to push myself to be the best that I can be and see what I am capable of, all while living a healthy lifestyle.

Why is that important? Because I want to set a good example for my children so they know that if they work hard they can accomplish great things and so that they grow up with healthy eating habits.

Why is that important? Because my biggest responsibility in life is to raise my kids to be the best they can be.

Why is that important? Because they are the future, and I want them to have the skills in life to do whatever they want.

Find your "Why" and find your motivation."

I sent my weekly report to my nutrition coach on Sunday. He sent me back an awesome email. It said:

"I have to tell you, I'm really impressed this time around!  You're doing an awesome job, and each week you're sending me something that you did during the week that is a really big step in the right direction, like eating within your calories even while hitting a Chinese food buffet.  That's seriously awesome.  Numbers were really good again this week.

That said, this is going to be a little bit of a tough week, because we're going to take your calories down a bit to get the scale moving again.  I think there's going to be an adjustment period this week, so do the best you can and think about the goals when things get tough.  Really focus on getting the protein in, because that will help you feel full.  Drink lots of water, eat lots of veggies, because those things also make you feel full and veggies have minimal calories."

See, my nutrition coach is awesome. It looks like this week will be tough. Wish me luck. I'll keep you updated periodically as to my progress! 

Farewell to Ski weightlifting meet report

Today I lifted in the "Farewell to Ski" weightlifting meet. The meet was comimorated to the life of hall of fame weightlifter Norbert Schemanski who died earlier this year. It was held at High Dessert Athletic Club in Albuquerque New Mexico.

 I weighed in at 143.69k. Thanks to my nutrition coach Barry Schroeder.

My snatches have felt strong, fast, and I've had the best form of my life. Even on warm ups I felt unbelievable!
-My first lift was a 94k. Easy.
-My 2nd lift was a 98k. Easy. It also set a new NM masters 105k+ 40-44ag state record.
-My third attempt was a 101k. It felt so easy I felt I may have over pulled it. So I didn't finish my 2nd pull and I missed the lift. Even though I missed it I was still really happy. It felt so easy! I should have made that lift. Actually, I could have made a heavier lift. I've never missed a lift and been so happy! I'm sure I'm good for a 102-104k. That makes me happy.

Next up was the clean and jerks. I was cleaning great during warm ups. But my jerks were atrocious. I missed a practice 115k jerk. I barely made a 119k clean and jerk on my last practice attempt.
-My first clean and jerk of the tournament was 120k. I cleaned it super easy. I barely made the jerk. Coach asked me if I wanted to go for a 123 or a 125k C&J. I said 123k. He told the volunteers, "put on 125k".
-I cleaned it easy. I missed the jerk. I wasn't even close!! I had one more attempt of 125. The state record  is 122k.
-on my third attempt the weight landed to far forward. It rolled a little down my delts and my back arched forward. Somehow I was able to roll the weight back and straighten my back. At that point i was stuck sitting in the hole. But somehow I was able to stand up with it! Standing up after landing in such a bad position took a lot of effort. If I was going to make the jerk it was going to have to be because of great form, because i blew all my energy with the clean. All I kept thinking was keep my elbows high! Keep my elbows high! And after I dipped and threw the weight up as fast & explosive as i could, it was a good lift!!!! If it would have been 125.1 i wouldn't have been able ti do it. It was that close! That was the absolute most i could have jerked. It was a lifetime PR and a state record by 3k!

Overall I set 3 new state records of 98k/125k/223k. I missed qualifying for the masters national championships by 7k. But I don't mind at all. This was the best weightlifting meet of my life. Not only by the amount of weight lifted, and state records, b

ut also by how great I felt in the snatches, and how great my effort was in the clean and jerks.

no calorie adjustment this week

I sent my nutrition coach my weekly report. My calories were perfect all 7 days. My protein intake was great 6 out of 7 days. But I still didn't lose any weight. My #1  goal is to lose 2 pounds a week. In most situations a nutrition coaches would drop my calories. But my nutrition coach knows I'll be competing in a weightlifting meet this weekend. So he sent me an email telling me hes not lowering my calories to ensure a good weightlifting meet. How awesome is that? I have some really awesome people in my corner helping me to qualify for the master national weightlifting championships. If it's at all possible I will do it. Maybe not this year. But I will.

lemonade out of crap

The duty station (post) I've been working the last week has been as bad as I thought it would be. Stressful. Dangerous. Talking to crazy people tests even the most patient of people. But the good news is I get to train with coach Joaquin Chavez 4 days a week. And being trained by Joaquin is worth working a stressful post. So as hard as it is to believe I'm going to try and bid for this full time. If I get it I'll be working that post for the next 5 months. That means 5 months of awesome weightlifting training. I could accomplish some great things in 5 months. I've followed my nutrition coach's advise for the last 40 straight days. I've gained a lot of strength recently. Chacho Taylor ages up into my division on January 1st. So I'll need to be at my best. 5 months of being coached by Joaquin Chavez and nutrition coach Barry Schroeder full time and I'll be a beast. As unbeatable as I could ever be. I'm thinking this horrible post is the best possible thing that could have happened to me and my weightlifting career.

multiple weightlifting coaches

My nutrition coach is having me maintain my calories on training days. On non-training days I'll be dropping my calories from 3600 to 3200.

I've been thinking about how great my snatches were on Saturday morning. I have been utilizing two coaches. One, coach Vernon Smith, on Mondays has been helping me with snatches. And coach Joaquin Chavez on Fridays and Saturdays is working with me on both snatches and clean and jerks. Each one has been able to find and help correct different problems I have in my form. I'm looking forward to my next meet. I think I may do something spectacular with snatches. Although I'm guessing my jerks will be much less than than dazzling. Jerks have always been my achilles heel. It sucks I clean so much but can't jerk it. The clean is the hard part.

victory through attrition

The USPA, a powerlifting federation is having the New Mexico state championships here in Albuquerque on November 19th, 2016. I train strictly for weightlifting. But I've found weightlifting traning transfers well for powerlifting. I decided, just for fun, to look up the Super heavyweight 40-44 age group state records for the raw and classic raw divisions and there aren't any. All I have to do is show up and successfully lift a single squat, deadlift, and bench and technically I'll be the USPL state champion and state record holder. As I'm continuing this journey into strength athletics I've found there aren't many super heavyweight 40 or older left. They all have bad backs, knees, hearts, etc. I've won almost ever single weightlifting and powerlifting meet ive ever entered, simply because I'm usually the only one in my division. So far I've won 3 New Mexico state weightlifting championships, hold all the of the New Mexico weightlifting state records, won a New Mexico state NASA championship and hold 9 New Mexici state NASA powerlifting records. The owner of Iron Soul Gym tells me I'm earning victories through attrition. I think that's going to be my new motto, "victory through attrition."

I recently made peace with my weight. I'm happy with myself as I am. Well, last week my wife told me she wants me to lose 75 pounds. That she said that she doesn't like the way I look. That hurt. So I asked my sports nutrition coach Barry Schroeder if we could speed up my weight loss, even if it means sacraficing weightlifting performance.

powerlifting and a great sports nutrition coach

This December is the Natural Athlete Strength Association Christmas powerlifting classic. Last year I competed in this event and set 9 state records and 4 national records. It was a really great event. I'm going to compete in this one again later this year. I looked up the state records and it looks like if i can drop into the 275-307lb weight class I'll be able to set 8 more state records. Plus my 9 year old wants to start training for powerlifting and go compete with me. He could already break 2 state records of his own in the youth under 100 pounds RAW powerlifting division and the youth under 100 pounds clean division. What a wonderful father/son weekend that would be. We'd both remember that fondly forever.

I rehired my sports nutrition coach. This is the 4th time in the last year I've worked with him. Everytime I start working with him again I get great speed, strength, and explosiveness gains. I should start being more consistent and dedicated to what he's having me do. If I did I know without a doubt I'd make my weightlifting goals. Speaking of that:

I sent my nutrition coach my weekly nutrition report. On one of the days I screwed up big time. I didn't hit any of my goals. Usually he'd send me an email telling me I needed to work on consistency, hit my daily goals, etc and that word have made me stop working the plan and quit. But this time he sent me an email saying "That's a great week." That got me really motivated to do better next week. And that's what made me realize why I struggle so much with online coaching of anykind. I'm hypersensitive. I think the old term for that is a sensitive Sally. And that's not good. Not everyone is willing or able to learn how an athlete responds to situations as quickly as my sports nutrition coach, Barry Schroeder. Most people would have given up on an athlete/client who is as willing to quit as I am when I get my feelings hurt. Not to mention that's piss poor people skills and horible life coping skills on my part. But anyway, he seems to have figured out how best to deal with his most tempermental pain in the ass client. I'm hoping he can get me down to 308lb by December so I can set more stare powerlifting records. Just call me a glory whore. A hypersensitive glory whore.

"what we have now is a failure to communicate"

Last Saturday I sent in my food diary to my sports nutrition coach. I was about 1000 calories over what I was supposed to eat for the entire week. 1000 calories over a 7 day period isn't bad. Its not perfect, but its still pretty good. He sent back an email telling me he wasnt going to adjust my calories unless i had a solid week. What he meant was he wanted me to have a solid week in regards to sports performance, which is awesome because weightlifting is my #1 goal. What I thought he meant was he wanted me to have a better week in regards to diet or he wouldn't adjust my calories. So on Sunday I became rebellious about the imaginary slight and I ate what ever the hell I wanted to. By Wednesday I was feeling guilty about losing traction on my diet plan so I contacted him and complained that my eating was only 1000 calories over for an entire week and that should have been good enough for a calorie adjustment. He sent back a kind and well thought out explanation telling me my calories were great and he didn't want to adjust my calories on a week that I wasn't feeling strong in the gym. He told me he knew performance was my #1 goal and he didn't want to sacrifice performance for fast weight loss. Ooops. I screwed up. I made an assumption and instead of communicating with my nutrition coach I gave up. In other words he was doing exactly what a sports nutrition coach should do and I did exactly the opposite of what I should do as an athlete. I didn't have the heart to tell him I fell off the diet wagon. I was supposed to send him my weeks diet journal, but I am feeling so remorseful and imbarrassed I didn't. Usually if I hadn't sent in my food journal by Sunday he calls or emails me to ask for it. I still haven't heard from him. I'm assuming it's because he realizes I'm pretty much a pain in the ass, will always be a problem, and has given up on trying to help me. If that's the case I don't blame him. But I have no idea if that's the case or not because I'm still to ashamed by my lack of communication to contact him to tell him what the hell is going on. Do you see how stupid that is? I'm to imbarrassed about my lack of communication to communicate. Sometimes I'm a real dumb ass.

RMR the most elusive number

When I first started working with my sports nutrition coach I was eating 3750 calories a day and I was losing 3-4 pounds a week. About 4 weeks ago my weight loss stopped. I'm not saying it slowed, i mean it stopped. Like it hit a brick wall. I've been stuck at around 310 pounds. We've tried all sorts of changes to get my weight loss going again. We've dropped my daily calories. We've dropped my calories on non-training days. Still nothing. Usually if I drop my calories a little, I loose a little weight. If I drop my calories a lot I drop a lot. But the last few weeks no matter what we do I've lost NOTHING! I'm sure he's as befuddled as I am. By no means am I frustrated. I'm OK with my weight on a personal level. My desire to lose weight is completely sports related. I'd like to get down to the 105k weight class and break those state records. And I'd to accomplish a body weight snatch. So, back to my lack of weight loss. I made an appointment at the University of New Mexico exercise physiology department to get my resting metabolic rate tested. After I find out what my resting metabolic rate is that will help me make the decision of what my calories should be.

weightlifting coach Juaquin Chavez of High Dessert Athletic Club

Today after training my weightlifting coach Juaquin Chavez of High Dessert Athletic Club told me he wanted me to skip the 2nd annual John Davis memerial weightlifting meet next weekend to get in more quality training time with him. My old triathlon coach Pete Alfino of Mile High Multi-sport used to ask me the same thing all the time, "don't race this weekend, train instead. You need the training more than the race." I'd ignore my former triathlon coach and race. Every single time. Joaquin's the best coach I've ever had in any sport. I think the world of Joaquin. Both as a coach and as a person. If Joaquin asks me to not lift in a meet, then I'm not lifting in a meet. I do what he says no questions asked. Period. The only regret I have is not having found him to train under his tutlage earlier. He opened up High Dessert Athletic Club way back in 1998. I could have been lifting with him since I was 23 years old instead of starting with him at 40. I can't even imagine how my life would have been different if I'd of started lifting with him 16 years ago. For one, I'd be a beast by now. Jennifer Buckner has been lifting with him since 1998 and she's one of the strongest master weightlifters in the nation! But, I'm here now. And I love it. It's hard to believe when I left Santa Fe I was considering giving up weightlifting and becoming a powerlifter. My fear was I wouldn't be able to find decent coaching.

I've been stuck at 310 pounds for a little over three weeks now. In the past I'd of freaked out about not losing any weight for three weeks. But I'm OK with it now. I'll continue doing what my  sports nutrition coach Barry Schroeder says and eventually we'll get through it. If not, that's ok too. I've gotten to the point that I'm comfortable with myself. I like myself as I am at any weight. I believe the new fancy term for that is fat acceptance. Accepting myself as i am sure makes trying to eat for health and weightlifting performance more enjoyable. Now it's a goal and a process I can enjoy rather than feeling manic and obsessed about getting to a bodyweight that will make others and ultimately myself like me more.

fat acceptance and my nutrition plan

My weight loss has plateaued. My sports nutrition coach has decided to drop 250 calories from my non-training days. He was originally going to drop 500 calories from non-training days but he decided to wait until after the 2nd annual John Davis weightlifting meet on the 23rd to drop it that much.

My weight hasn't changed in a few weeks. But I have lost a total of 12.25 inches in 8 weeks. Which is pretty cool.

For a long time I was obsessed with losing weight. I wasn't happy with myself unless I was lean. I was constantly on this emotional and physical yo-yo of losing weight and being so happy and then gaining it back and hating myself. Last month after listening to a Pandora program called This American Life: tell me im fat, I came to the realization that I can like myself even if I'm over weight. I don't have to be thin to be happy or to be loved. I'm still using a sports nutrition coach to try to drop some weight. But it's not for the same reasons as before. Before I HAD to lose weight to be happy with myself, to be content with myself and my life. Now I only want to lose weight to break the state records of the weight class below the one I'm in now. Now that weight loss is just something for me to do to be more successful at as hobby of mine it seems to have made it much easier to accomplish. I'm not sure exactly how to explain why. I think it's like when my wife was in nursing school and she'd have a big test she had to pass. She had to pass or she'd be kicked out of nursing school. Ankxiety would cause her to bomb a test she knew all the answers to. Now that being in great shape and looking good isn't the most important thing in my life it seems easier to accomplish.

Weight loss was the most important thing to me in my life. It really was. Not anymore.  So if I lose the 75 pounds to get into the 105k weight class then that's awesome. But if for whatever reason I can't I'm OK with that too.

good things

Things are looking up. I had the best clean and jerk training session of my life on Monday. My jerks have improved immensely. I predict a 125k C&J in my future very soon.

I hit 30 days of logging my food and eating a healthy diet. I really like the diet my nutrition coch has me on. I've lost 6 pounds in the last 30 days. I never really feel hungry or miss any foods.

I start work at my new job on Monday. For the first two weeks I'll be working Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday from 5:30am to 2:30pm. That's a dream shift for a family man. I can't wait. I love working. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment and belonging. I plan on working my entire life. No matter how old I get. I was hoping to work this new job immediately after retiring from the state penitentiary without a break of employment. But it took much longer to get my level 3 gaurd card than I thought it would.

Even better news is that my family will have medical insurance 90 days after my first day worked at my new job. On September 9th we'll be covered by Blue Cross and Blue Shield. Finally. I have three children ages 6-10. Kids get hurt and sick a lot. We need that medical coverage as quickly as possible. In the last few months I've developed a lump on my left chest right below my nipple. It's a little bigger than a quarter and it's a bit sore when touched. Once I get medical coverage I'll get it checked out STAT. September 9th can't come quick enough.

kick butt coaches make kick butt results

7 weeks ago I joined High Dessert Athletic Club in Albquerque New Mexico. It's a weightlifting gym ran by one of the top weightlifting coaches in America, coach Joaquin Chavez. Coach Joaquin Chaves is the only level 3 Olympic style weightlifting coach in the entire South West. So far I've put 8k on my total. 8k in only 7 weeks is absolutely unbelievable. I'm so pumped up. Can't wait to see what I'm going to accomplish with him training me.

So, 3 weeks ago I rehired my nutrition coach. The last time we worked together the nutrition plan he had me on made for great weight loss and unbelievable gains in the weight room. But the program was to hard for me. After throwing in the towel and consequently gaining all my weight back I decided to try it again. I finally was honest to my nutrition coach about how hard the last program was. Lo and behold he tried something new and wallah, it's perfect! In 2.5 weeks I've lost 10 pounds.