New Mexico games track and field 2017 results

I had registered for the 2017 New Mexico games track and field 100m dash for the Masters division 40-44 age group. The weekend of the meet I was feeling sorry for myself because I'd been working a lot of overtime and hadn't trained like I wanted to. So I ended up not competing. I just looked up the results and there were only 2 people in my division. If I'd of competed I'd of been in third place at least.

1st place: Chris Barrett 12.67
2nd place: Vince Ortiz 13.14

Next year I will compete!

Marriage is slavery

I've been married for 13 years. I've worked 80-90 hours a week for the last 11 of them. I'm not a workaholic. I don't enjoy working extra hours. I'm beyond unhappy. I'm miserable. From very early in our marriage my wife had unrealistic lifestyle expectations. She spent more than two men could earn. And I had to work more than two men combined to try and out earn her spending.

I always wanted to be a doting husband. A selfless provider who put my wife's need above my own. My assumption was always that if I did enough for my wife, if I gave her the things she said would make her happy, if I sacrificed more than any other man could that she'd eventually love me enough that I wouldn't have to anymore. I was wrong. She'd rather me be exhausted, overworked, missing my kids, and depressed than to go without extra money or the things money can buy. I'm nothing more than a wage slave. A utility to have resources extracted from. I've known this for quite awhile. But I just kept trying. I'd work harder and I'd spend less so she could have more in the hopes I could finally win her over and have her choose me. In the hopes she'd love me enough to not want me to suffer anymore. All the while I'd beg and plead with her to please spend less so I could have a normal life. So I could work normal hours, have time with my kids, have hobbies, and be able to sleep a full 8 hours. Oh how I miss sleep! But last night I finally accepted the truth. She's ok with me suffering as long as she gets what she wants. She'll never put me and my needs above her own wants and desires. Last night I told her after the trip to New York in October I won't be working overtime anymore. If she wants something she'll have to save for it like responsible adults are supposed to do. There's been other times in  the past that I've told her I won't be working overtime. I've told her she won't be allowed to spend more than we make anymore. She always threw a fit. She'd say manipulative things. She'd try using shaming language. She'd blame me and try to play the victim role. I'd always cave in. I'm hoping this time I'll stand my ground and do what's best for the whole family. Me being home would be better for my kids, our marriage, and me. She definitely won't like it. She'll have to learn to accept it or file for a divorce. At this point I've been used and abused by her for so long I'm ok with either decision she makes.

After we get back from New York in October I'm getting back into athletics. I'm hiring a coach, probably coach Vernon Smith, I'll be eating right, sleeping enough, and for the first time in 13 years I will make sure I'm happy. She won't like it. But I don't care.

The end of training for......

I finally got the problems for my pituitary gland fixed. I feel so much better now. I have more energy. And I'm sure once I'm able to start working out again I'll start  getting gains again. But I can't work out right now. Earlier this year my wife got a invitation for a wedding in New York City. She desperately wanted for all five of us to go. We made a deal. I'd pick up a couple extra shifts a week and she'd get a part time job on her 2 days off. We also agreed we wouldn't go unless we could save the money in cash. We wouldn't use credit cards, loans, or tap into our emergency fund. As the months passed I continued to do my part picking up extra shifts. But she hasn't done anything at all to earn any extra money for the trip. Last month I reminded her that since she hasn't held up her end of the deal we haven't saved enough money to be able to go. She told me she didn't care if we had the money to go or not, that she and the kids are going. She said she'd use credit cards or empty out our emergency fund if she had too. I don't want her to put us in another horrible mess financially like she has so many times in the past. So for over a month I'm working from 5:30am-8:00pm every weekday. I don't even have enough time to sleep, much less workout. I'm overly fatigued and I miss seeing my children. Since starting to work like this again I'm gaining weight hand over fist. I worked 80-90 hours a week from 2006-2014 because of her bad decisions and disregard for me. And here I am doing it again. It's unfair. I'm tired of being a wage slave.

More men died by suicide last year than in WWII. The reason is ignored or repressed. Studies are met with animosity.

My opinion is that the majority of men's suicides are by middle aged married men or men being destroyed by divorce, family courts, unfair alimony, spousal support, and child support.

Most married men have to work a rediculous amount of hours or work jobs they don't like in order to support their wife's lifestyle expectations. The wife rarely has a job that could support her unrealistic lifestyle expectations so the man has to pick up the slack working hours and jobs he'd never have chosen if he was on his own. But the married man is trapped. He can't escape this nightmare. If he stops working the excessive hours and/or goes back to the jobs that would make him happy his wife will leave him or she'll continue her spending and he'd be in bankruptcy court. Once she realizes he can't provide her the lifestyle or the things in life she expects she'll start looking for someone who will or she'll want a divorce. The husband will get stuck with all the debt. She'll get all the assets. And he'll lose his kids.

Let's look at the numbers. If I make $50k a year the government will take just shy of %35 ($17,500) in taxes. Then I'll pay child support for three kids ($12,500). Plus approximately $600-$800 a month in alimony or spousal support ($9,600). So that leaves me $10,400 a year to live on. That's less than a thousand $ a month. The only way I can have my kids stay the night at my place on the days I have them is if I have a place the state deems appropriate. That alone would take almost all of the money I'd have left over. I'd have no money for food, gas, utilities, clothes..... So the way I see it is there are only 3 options.
1) continue to be a wage slave and live a miserable existence of working 60-90 hours a week with no help.
2) divorce and live an even worse life of being broke and never seeing my kids.
3) suicide....

I don't want a divorce. All I really want is for my wife to act like an adult. I want her to stop making bad decisions that only I pay the consequences for. I feel like she's an entitled child living in an adults body. I'm a wage slave and there's no end to the suffering. I'm tired of working so many hours. I'm tired of feeling like the person who is most comfortable with me suffering is my own wife. I want a partner. A helper. I want to be a part of a team. What I'm experiencing is not team work. It's abuse.

Goodbye Dad

My natural father and I were very close when I was younger. He used to pick me up on weekends and every other holiday. Once he moved farther away he'd fly me out to visit him every other summer, spring, and Christmas break. And then when I was 12 he disappeared without any warning. I found him again in 2002. He was living in Truth or Consequences New Mexico, just a few hours from where I've lived my entire adult life. I visited him and I asked if I could could see him every once in awhile. Maybe catch a movie or something. He responded, "that would be abandoning my family." His response made no sense to me at all. Obviously seeing a movie or going out to dinner occasionally isn't abandoning anyone. And I was his family. I didn't contact him again until after my wife and I had three kids together. I thought he'd like to meet them and get to know them. I was wrong. He's never called on anyone's birthdays, Christmas, etc. Last Christmas he traveled the country to spend time visiting each of his kids and step kids. Everyone of them but me. He didn't call when his Dad died. I wouldn't have known about my grandpa's funeral if one of my cousins hadn't called and told me. I called him on father's day. He said he heard in February that my father-in-law died. He knew for two months and never even bothered to call and see how we were doing. Since getting back into contact with him the only times he's ever called was to tell me I was cut out of his will. And another time to tell me he was going to give the watch my grandpa left to me when he died to my uncle instead. Id gladly trade inheritance and my grandfather's heirloom for an occasional phone call. Would an "I love you son" be to much to ask? I've tried really hard to build a relationship with him. But I've come to realize he is dead set against one. At the time I didn't understand what he meant when he told me he'd be abandoning his family if he spent time with me. It's taken me until now to understand that what he meant was he didn't want to spend time with me at all. Ever. I should have known back then. Perhaps I was in denial. But I understand now..... I wish I could say I won't miss you.  But I will. I have mourned over your absence for 29 years. It felt like there was a void created in my heart once you bailed out of my life.... Goodbye Dad. Even though you don't deserve it, I love you. And I'll miss you deeply.

Medical update

I saw an endocrinologist this week. She believes my poor strength, inability to recover, weight gain, and fatigue has to do with me getting ran over by a car. She believes my pituitary gland was damaged. In addition to low testosterone I also had no detectable human growth hormone, my calcium has dropped significantly, etc. I'm having more tests done to see what we can do about it. Until we figure it out she requested I slow down or stop training altogether.

Poor performance and recovery

I've noticed I'm not making gains or recovering like I used to..... No matter how much I try to lose weight I can't..... Seems the harder I work the weaker and fatter I get..... I get night horrible sweats to the point the bed is soaked..... i expect some of these due to age but not this much. I finally broke down and went to see my doctor. Turns out I have very low testosterone..... I'm not sure what to think about this yet. I'm almost relieved that I finally have an actual reason that I'm feeling like this. I have an appointment with an endocrinologist this week. I'll keep y'all updated as I find things out.

Sold my baby

I've had a Cannondale Slice for a long time.

I put a lot of miles on it. Almost 12,000 miles. I'm very emotionally attached to this bike. I tried selling it on Craigslist. But when people came over to look at it I'd end up telling them I'd changed my mind.

This weekend my cousin came up from Lubbock Texas. He said if I was selling it he'd really like to buy it. I was so excited! He takes really great care of his bikes. This couldn't have worked out better. My beautiful bike has a good home.

Weightlifter

This week I've been training really hard. My legs are trashed. Last night I wasn't able to finish my clean and jerk workout. That rarely happens. I'm going to increase my calorie intake by 50 a day to see if that helps. This morning I woke up and my legs are still tired. But I'm going back to High Dessert Athletic Club this morning anyways. There was a period of time that I was struggling to decide if I wanted to be a weightlifter or a powerlifter. I tried powerlifting. I didn't like it. I have focus now. A focus I was missing before. I'm a weightlifter.

Weightlifting hard!

This week has been a great week for weightlifting training, track training, and eating. During my taper for the state games I was missing working out so bad! This week I've thrown myself back into it hard. I seem to be making progress on eliminating the pause I have at the knee. I also have new motivation. My best buddy started dating a girl with a sad story. After her divorce she started working hard on losing weight. She's lost 120 pounds. Her feelings are hurt because her ex-husband only wanted her back after she lost the weight. And her ex-husband is hurt because he feels she was only willing to get in shape for other men, not him. I've always prided myself on being a selfless and doting husband. But that girl's story made me realize that me being overweight may cause problems in the way my wife sees and appreciates me. Me being kind, hard working, selfless and a good father for her children just  may not be enough.

Great financial news

On May 31st, 7 days ago I finished paying off my father in law's funeral and our state tax bill. It took a few months of pounding out a lot of overtime. But it's finally paid off. I'm exhausted​ and ready to catch up on rest, but we're caught up with our finances.
I know I posted this a couple weeks ago. But here it is again. From 2007-2015 I worked 42,120 hours. That's 4,680 hours a year. An average person that works 40 hours a week works 2,080 hours a year. I averaged more than double that. Being put in a position that I was forced to work overtime for so long caused a lot of problems including but not limited to severe depression. I'd never struggled with depression before that. I'm really sick of overtime. I'm hoping this is the end of me having to hammer out overtime. It's doubtful. But I'm keeping my fingers crossed!

The 2017 New Mexico games weightlifting report

91/117/208k
BW 148.8k

Today I competed in the 2017 New Mexico games. This meet is the state championships for weightlifting. I'd won the last three years in my age group and weight class. This year I wasn't expecting to do very well. I was out for 6 months with a non-weightlifting related back injury. I've only been back to training for three and a half weeks.

When I first got there I was so happy. I saw all my current teammates, teammates from my former gym, and other weightlifting buddies I've made over the last 5 years. I love weightlifting so much. A lot of the reason is the people. The only person I didn't get to see who I was looking forward to seeing was David B from my old gym. He and I lifted at the same time the full 3.5 years I lifted in Santa Fe. I absolutely adore him and his wife. They're great people who I miss seeing and training with.

Pictured below is my former coach Shane Miller and my current coach Joaquin Chaves. I love both these guys so much. They are more than just friends and mentors.

 I also was lucky enough to be able to get a picture with my current coach, former coach, and my former nutrition coach Barry Schroeder. I'm going to have this picture framed and I'm going to hang it in with my families pictures. Barry was the one who was my motivation to get into weightlifting long ago and he took me under his wing and taught me about weightlifting specific nutrition.

The last couple weeks I haven't been able to snatch anything more than 86k. I only made 84k two out of 7 attempts. Coach Joaquin Chaves told me he wanted to start out at 90k. I begged him to let me start at 74k. He told me he wanted me to start out at 84 at least. He said he knew I could get a 90 easy. Long story short, I made 3 good lifts for the snatch. 84/88/91. Even after 6 months away from weightlifting I was able to get within 9k of my lifetime best snatch of 100k. Coach Chavez was right. I made 91k easy. No problem at all. I need to trust him. He knows my ability more than I do. Anytime I ever doubt him I always find out he was right. 

The clean and jerks felt great also. I made a 114k/117k and missed a 121. There was no reason at all for me to have missed the 121. I pulled it high enough. I just had that same pause at the knee that I usually do with my snatches.

I've noticed the last few weeks my strength has come back quickly. But it's taking me longer to recover between sets than it used to. I never told coach Chaves I wasn't recovering as quickly. I also never told him during the meet that to do well I'd need more time between lifts. But he knew. And after every set he'd change my weight two or three times to buy me extra recovery time. Thanks in large part to my coach I finished 1st in my age group and weight class. This was the fourth straight year I was state champion. But this time it was just plain luck. I was the only one in my division competing.

Now that I'm back into the weightlifting game my next goal is to qualify for the 2018 masters national weightlifting championships that will be held in Buffalo NY. I'll need a 230k total. That's only 22k more than my total today. That gives me plenty of time.

It's been 6.5 months since my last sports competition. That was the longest I'd gone without competing since 2004. I missed competition. My next sporting event is the New Mexico games track and field on June 24th. Its going to be held at Milne stadium in Albuquerque New Mexico. Thats within walking distance of my house!

My son and weightlifting training

I contacted one of my former weightlifting coaches, Vernon Smith, and asked if he'd be willing to train my oldest son. He agreed! My son starts training on Thursday June 1st, 2017. We're both really excited.

I got called in for jury duty. I'm hoping I get chosen. I've always thought being on a jury would be fascinating.

A weightlifting wizard

I'm not sure if everyone at High Dessert Athletic Club gets as much from coach Chaves's coaching as I do. But I'm constantly amazed by his ability to diagnose and fix problems with form. The last week my snatches have been absolute crap. After the first couple reps coach Chaves went over and started his magic.

  "Cody, your hesitating after the knee. That pause is causing negative momentum. Which is why your dropping to the front."

  Next set: " Cody, your concentrating on staying over the bar. Which is good. But your overthinking it. It's causing the pause at the knee. Now stay over the bar without slowing down". 

Next set: "now your slowing down to much during the whole lift. Your concentrating on making sure you're getting a good lift so much that you've slowed the whole snatch down. EXPLODE! Don't hesitate! Some of your best lifts are missed. Some are your worst lifts are makes. Now come on. EXPLODE!"

  Not only was he able to see what I was doing wrong with my form, he even told me what I was thinking while I was doing it. And he was right every damn time! Coach Chaves is amazing. I'm so greatfull to have wandered into his gym. 

The pain in my shoulders and elbows is almost gone already. I think I'll be fine at the New Mexico games this Suñday.

Help with my snatches

Last week was a great week for clean and jerks. Up until this week the most I'd I c&j was 100k. This week I lifted 110k multiple times. But my snatches were horrible this week. I dropped just about everything I tried. Coach Chaves saw I saw struggling and he diagnosed the problem. Just l like always. His ability to figure out what's wrong with a person's form and help them fix it is unmatched. He helped me a lot this week. I can't say I'm going in to the New Mexico games confident in my snatches. But I'm going in knowing they're better than they were last week.

My shoulders and elbows have been bothering me a bit this week.

Nutrition and less weightlifting support

I learned a ton from my former nutrition coach Barry Schroeder. I decided I'd try some of the things I learned from him. I spent the last 15 days logging everything I ate and measuring how much I weighed. Based off of those two numbers I figured out my metabolic rate. It's a little over 4,100 calories a day. So I'm going to eat 3,400 calories on days I do weightlifting. And 2,800 on days I don't train. That should put me at a 7000 calorie a week deficit. 7,000 calories should make me lose approximately 2 pounds. I doubt I'll stick with it for long. I never do. But I'll try it for now.

My weightlifting coach, Joaquin Chaves, told me he wanted me to train three times this week. Monday, Wednesday, and today.  I wasn't able to train this morning at High Dessert Athletic Club. Normally I'd just shoot him a text and ask him to send me the workout for me to do on my own. But he told me not to text him anymore. I waited all day to see if he'd text me a workout. I never got one. Coach Chaves is looking for ways to decrease the demands in his life. I'm doing my best to be patient and understanding.....

Yesterday I clean and jerked more than 84k for the first time in almost 7 months. Then I did an 86 and a 94. Then coach told me to try a 100k. I stood there on the platform staring at the bar for an eternity trying to pump myself up. Finally I tried. And it was easy. I was so excited and it felt so good I did it a few more times. Thankfully the old saying about muscle memory is true. It comes back quick.

Anytime my schedule changes and I can't lift at High Dessert Athletic Club I text my coach and ask for the workout so I can do it on my own. Yesterday coach Chavez told me not to text him anymore. That throws a wrench into things. I'm a Dad of three young kids. My schedule can be hectic. I guess on the days I can't train at High Dessert Athletic Club I'll just repeat last week's workout for that day. That's not ideal. But life happens. I just need to learn to improvise, adapt, and overcome. Even with no communication or guidance with workouts during schedule changes, he's still one of the best weightlifting coaches in the nation.

I did some investigating. From 2007-2015 I worked 42,120 hours. That's 4,680 hours a year. An average person that works 40 hours a week works 2,080 hours a year. I averaged more than double that. These are the types of things no one tells men and boys about marriage. If they did we wouldn't do it.

Track training, snatches, and overtime

Yesterday I snatched 84 kilos for reps. I didn't think I'd get back to this much weight so quickly after having taken 6 months off from injuries and work conflicts.

Today I did another track workout. 100 meter sprints at %90 effort. I feel a lot faster already. My kids were beating me badly when I started track training. After only two weeks I've closed the distance between us by about half. Pretty quick gains for someone in their 40's.

I'm guessing the last pay period of this month I will have replenished our emergency fund. I've been working a ton of overtime the last couple months. I'm greatfull I have a job that overtime is available.... But I'm really sick of overtime. I've worked more overtime in the last decade than most people work in a lifetime.

The 2017 masters national weightlifting championships 40-44 105+

I looked up the results for the 2017 masters national weightlifting championships for the 40-44 age  group 105+ weight class. Turns out my best meet ever would have placed me in 4th place. If I was to lose 100 lbs needed to be able to lift in the 105k weight class I'd of been in 5th place.

Weightlifting and track training

Last night after work I trained at the gym for  a couple hours. By the time I got home, prepared my meals for the next day, and got my uniform ready it was time for me to go to bed. This Morning I woke up early and completed a track workout before my overtime post. I'm still slow at track sprinting but I'm gaining speed very quickly. Hopefully I will have improved enough by July that I won't completely imbarrass myself at the New Mexico games.

I haven't been this dedicated since my triathlon years. It feels good. Apparently all I needed was to be away from weightlifting to realize how much I missed it. I'm sure I'll be improving a lot more now that I've my love for weightlifting and track and field has reawakened.

Earlier this month I sent my powerlifting coach an email that said I was going to stop powerlifting and go back to weightlifting. I paid him for an extra month in the hopes it would keep there from being any hard feelings. I never heard back from him. That can't be a good sign. I feel bad. He's a great guy. And he's an absolutely amazing powerlifting coach. Me firing him is no reflection of him. It's just my love of weightlifting keeps pulling me back.

2nd day of snatches

Today was my 4th day back to weightlifting. And the 2nd training day of snatches. The first day felt pretty raw. Today the snatches felt a lot more natural and fluid. I worked up to 4 sets at 74k. I'm surprised how little strength my body lost during those 6 months i took off. I may not be ready to attempt my lifetime best of 💯 kilos. But I'll get there a lot more quickly than I originally thought.

6 months ago I was unsure what I was going to do in athletics. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to stay with weightlifting or try something new. But weightlifting is just like that old saying, absence makes the heart 💓 grow stronger. I missed it so bad. I'm glad I'm back.