Training ups and downs

On Monday I had a horrible squat day. On Wednesday I had by far the best day of deadlifts I've ever had in my life. Then this morning I had a total crap day of CrossFit. I used to let the ups and downs effect me emotionally. I'd feel on top of the world in every aspect of my life on a good day of training and I'd feel like the world had caved in on me if I had a bad day of training. I'm learning to not allow the highs and lows to effect me as much. I'm trying to remember that training is like bouncing a ball while traveling up hill.  There are a lot of small ups and downs. But the end effect is still going in an upward direction.

For a long time I was angry and resentful. I'd been forced to work 80-90 hours a week for so long I was depressed and had lost hope of a decent life. I haven't worked any overtime since October. Just 36-40 hours a week. Not working as much, being able to spend time with my kids, and time to workout has done miracles for my happiness and contentment. This week was the first time in over a decade that I felt that I was glad to be married.

New Mexico Junior Wrestling and New Mexico youth weightlifiting

My youngest son is a wrestler. He's only lost three matches in the last 2 years of wrestling. This year he's 8 years old and weighs 53 pounds. Unless he looses weight by his first wrestling tournament he'll be competing in the 8 and under age group 53-57 pound class. He'll be one of the older but lighter kids this year. Last year he was one of the youngest and lightest in his age group and weight class and he still did pretty good. I'm excited about this year.

My oldest son is 10 and weighs 29.09 kilos. He has a real love for weightlifting. He's been training with his weightlifiting coach, Vernon Smith, for about 5 or 6 months. I looked up the New Mexico weightlifting state records for his weight class. There are none for the 13 and under age 25-29 kilo or the 13 and under 31-35 kilo weight classes. So all he has to do is lift one good snatch and one good clean and jerk and he'll be a state record holder. His first weightlifiting meet will be the 2018 New Mexico games.

post and shift bidding

Today I bid on the shift and post I'll be working the next 5 months. The bidding is based on senority amd I've only been working this job for 4 months. My only real goal was to stay off swing shift. My wife and kids are only home in the evennings so swings would have been horrible for my family life. All in all i think i lucked out. The good news is I'll be working during days and I'll be able to train with Joaquin Chavez of High Dessert Athletic Club 3 days a week. The bad news is I'll be off of work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays. I think it'll take me awhile to get weekends off. But that's ok. I'll get there eventually. Until then I'll be happy as long as I can train at High Dessert Athletic Club.

The horrible post I blogged about a couple days ago was taken by a senior officer who wanted nights, weekends, and Holidays off.

hard work and inspiration

Today I dropped 5 snatches of only 70% of my max. I've never missed that many times in a row. I hesitate to say it was a bad day of training because I learn more from a bad day of weightlifting than a great day. Even after a day like today I'm still confident that I'll make a bodyweight snatch by the end of 2016. I believe hard work, dedication, and persevering through the low times will make for amazing results.

Today my 8 year old ran in his 2nd track meet. He ran the 800 in 3:40. He also ran his first ever 1500m in 8:35. We moved to Albuquerque late in the season. He started 13 weeks after the rest of the club. Even though everyone else is in much better shape than him from training over 3 months longer than him he still works so hard and never gives up. He's knocked 20 seconds off of his 800 meter run in the last two weeks. Things like this is what motivates me. I want to work hard to set an example for my babies because my kids are so inspiring to me.

moving, retiring, and change

I really hate change. I'm like an old person in that way. That's probably my best and worst personal trait. It makes me loyal, but it also makes me a huge pain in the butt. There's a massive amount of change coming in my near future. We're buying a new home. We'll be selling a place I love and have lived happily for the last 13 years. We'll be moving to a city I don't like much, Albuquerque NM. I'll be retiring from the prison I've worked at and loved for 21 years. I'll be getting another job with potentially better pay, but still it's.... change..... I'm a wreck right now.

I've been struggling with weightlifting for a couple months. I should be lifting a lot more than I am. My speed and strength have increased a ton, but the weights I'm lifting haven't increased. The problem is my form. I've been frustrated enough that I've been contemplating switching to powerlifting. The only things that had stopped me from changing sports was that olympic weightlifting has one of the lowest injury rates of all sports, powerlifting's injury rate is pretty high; I felt I was on the verge of getting some pretty big numbers before getting in my slump; I recently lifted a 100k snatch. That's a pretty good lift for someone in their 40's. I'm like %75 certain I'll stick with weightlifting., try to work my way out of this slump.

Once i move to Albuquerque it'll be a two hour round trip drive to the Miller Gym. Add a two hour long workout, that's 4 hours, four times a week to train. The Miller Gym is worth it. Coach Shane Miller is one of the best programmers in the nation. And I love the people I lift with. I feel a tremendous amount of camaraderie with them. It's rare to find such a close knit team. I'm going to try like hell to continue to train there. I'm hoping I'll be able to adjust my schedule to fit 4 hours of training and driving everyother day after work, but with 3 kids involved in sports after school, and my wife working full time while taking 14 credit hours of college classes in the evenings, I'm not sure how I'll be able to. Change sucks.

a weigtlifting taper, weight gain, and an absentee Dad

My weightlifting meet is on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it. Unfortunately my peak was three weeks ago. This taper was just too dang long to hold onto any significant strength. I feel like crap. That sucks big balls, but i think i still have enough in the tank to qualify for the master's national championships.

After hiring a nutrition coach I lost 18 pounds in 9 weeks. Then the family and I drove to Las Vegas to visit my half brother for a week. I came back weighing 310 pounds, gaining back half the weight I lost in 9 weeks of dieting. That sucks big balls too. But i gotta stick with it. I want to apply for a job at UPS or FEDEX, and it's doubtful they'd hire a guy as fat as me to do such a vigorous and hard job.

While visiting my half brother in Nevada I found out that my natural father and my step mom had gone on a really long road trip to visit all their kids for Christmas. They drove from Truth Or Consequences New Mexico to Denver Colorado to visit my Dad's step son for a few days, then drove from Denver to Las Vegas Nevada to spend a few days with their son there. They didn't come visit me. Hell, he didn't even call the kids or I. They live less than 3 hours away from me. I've only seen my Dad once in the last 2 years, and that was for less than a 90 minute visit. He made it absolutely clear he couldn't get out of there quick enough. I realise I was a really fucked up kid who wasn't easy to get along with. But I've worked really hard to turn myself into a loving and dedicated husband, an involved and patient father, a good hearted man who's compassionate, responsible, trustworthy, and loyal. It breaks my heart that he wont take the time to know the man who I grew up to be, because I think i turned into a good one. And what hurts worse is that my kids have to pay for it. They're growing up not knowing anyone from my side of the family. And they are the only innocent ones in this situation. They're beautiful and perfect. But he's not willing to get to know him either.

graveyard shift, weightlifting, and a supportive spouse

I've been working nights since my 1st son was born in 2007, so I've become relatively accustomed to graveyard shift. When I took my 3 week vacation, in Dec-Jan, I got used to sleeping at night. I'm having a heck of a time re-acclimating. I'm struggling to sleep during the days. I've also been struggling because I peaked a few weeks ago. This taper has been way to long. I've felt like crap in the gym. In a week I'll be competing in The 2nd annual John Davis memorial classic weightlifting meet. This is a horrible time for this to be happening. I've been training the last couple years with the goal of qualifying for the 2016 master's national championships. This is my shot. I don't want it to get screwed up.

Even though I desperately want to qualify for the masters national championships, if I qualify it's doubtful I'll travel and compete in it. I've been saving for a down payment for a house that's big enough for each of my kids to have their own bedroom. It'll cost a lot to travel to Savanna Georgia where the masters will be held. I can't do both. When my wife heard I'm wanting to put my weightlifting goals on hold until we get a home she got really upset. She wants me to go and compete. She knows how much the master's national championships means to me and how long I've been working towards that goal. She's unbelievably supportive. Getting my kids into a house, having a down payment large enough to be able to afford the monthly payments, and avoiding PMI is much more important to me. But seriously, how cool is it that my wife is willing to put those goals on hold for me? She's an amazing spouse. I'm a lucky man.

dinning out on a budget

My wife and I are on a strict budget. We put aside $50 every pay day for dining out.  $50 every two weeks isn't much for a family of 5. We'll usually eat out once a week at someplace cheap like McDonald's or Taco Bell. On Sunday the wife, kids, and I helped an old friend of ours move. We helped move from early morning until 6 pm that night. Afterwards everyone was exhausted and no one felt like cooking so our buddies took us to eat at Applebees. Its amazing how much we enjoyed eating out at an actual restaurant. Back before we had kids and students loans we ate out all the time without thinking about it. It never really felt like that big of a deal. But now going to eat made us fell like royalty. Its amazing how going without something can make us feel so much more grateful and appreciative when we do get it.

a full weekend!

This Saturday I'll be competing in my first powerlifting meet put on by NASA. I'm right on the line between two weight classes, the 275-307lb division and the 307lb+ division. I've decided I'm going to lift in the 308lb division. My walking around weight is around 305 so I'll need to eat a decent meal and drink a few glasses of water before weigh ins. I needed to know what numbers to go for at the meet so I maxed out on bench press. I hit 305.5 lbs! Earlier this year my max was  240 lbs. I'm pretty excited about my strength gains and I'm even more excited about competing in my 1st powerlifting meet.

The prison was short the week of Thanksgiving so I had to work 10 out of 11 days. 7 of those were twelve hour shifts, 3 were 16 hours shifts. During that grueling time I didn't miss a single workout and I didn't overeat once,  not even on Thanksgiving. By the time that long stretch of work ended i missed my kids so much! To do something special I took them to the dollar movies to see The Minions. On the way there the battery light came on in my vehicle. After the movies and on our way home the alternator in my old 90's model Chevy Suburban went out. Of course my phone's battery was dead so I couldn't call friends for help. I took out my battery and alternator and hitch hiked to the nearest auto parts store. Got them tested, purchased a new alternator, then had to hitch hiked back to my truck to install it. Bad news is i wasn't prepared for such a long outing so i missed my nutrition goals of the day,  but the good news is I broke down in front of Chucky Cheese in Albuquerque so the kids had a blast while I was fixing the Suburban.

suicide and correctional officers

I've been pretty transparent on my blog about my recent struggles with depression. I looked up some statistics and was shocked. I wish a knew these things before starting my career as a Correctional Officer in 1995.

-Correctional Officers (CO’s) have the second highest mortality rate of any occupation.

-33.5% of all assaults in prisons and jails are committed by inmates against staff.

-A CO’s 58th birthday, on average, is their last.

-CO’s have a 39% higher suicide rate than any other occupation and have a higher divorce and substance abuse rates then the general population.

-CO's die, on average, less than two years after retiring.

Throughout my 21-year career in corrections, I've lost a large number of my fellow correctional officers to suicide. Yet very little (if any) attention was paid to the issue of correctional officer suicides. Discussion of suicide within my profession is a taboo topic because corrections employees are not supposed to appear emotionally vulnerable or fragile. After all, emotional vulnerability often equates to emotional instability, which is perceived to be a weakness by fellow officers. It is also a sign that you can be manipulated or are easily prey by inmates.

There has been much written concerning suicide among law enforcement officers, but very little about suicide among correctional officers. College classes go into great depth about the risks of stress, burnout, depression, and suicide rates among police officers, but in corrections courses the topic is rarely, if ever, discussed.

Existing Research on Suicide in Corrections
Research studies have found high suicide rates in the corrections field. For example, a 2009 New Jersey State Police Task Force Study (PDF) found that corrections officers have a suicide rate that is twice as high as the rate of police officers.

A 2013 U.S. Department of Justice’s Programs Diagnostic Center Study (PDF) found corrections officers:
-Have a much higher rate of suicide than those in other occupations
-experience severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during their careers
-and on average, will not live to see their 59th birthday. Yup, you read that correctly. The average correctional officers won't live to 59.

In one of the few studies specifically addressing correctional officer suicide, the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ (BLS) Census of Fatal Occupational Injuries indicated that 38 percent of the intentional fatalities were suicides by self-inflicted gunshot wounds, but the actual percentage is largely unknown because the BLS only reports suicides that occur in the workplace. Suicides that occur at home or elsewhere are classified as non-occupational and are not part of the BLS data.

So, in the last 8-9 years i have suffered severe depression and thoughts of suicide. I also have pretty severe PTSD. I cant keep my back to a room or a door. If there's someone standing behind me or someone keeps getting to close to me i get anxious. While in public i'm constantly looking in people's eyes and faces looking for signs of impending attack. I watch everyone's hands for weapons- I knew I'd been institutionalized when I looked for weapons in my grandmother's hands and looked for bulges in her clothes before I'd hug her. My kids won't get near the bed when I'm sleeping because sometimes I wake up yelling, punching, and kicking. I often times wake up running through the house. I don't know what I'm running to or away from, but i know its a life and death situation. My family knows never to walk up to me from behind......
Why did I choose a career in corrections? Why have I stayed 21 years? And why the hell haven't I retired yet? I know one thing for sure, when it comes to depression I'll never try to gut check it again. I'll get help.

weightlifting, retirement, and Santa Fe New Mexico

I find great joy from training olympic style weightlifting. The dedication and focus it takes to train in this sport fits my personality perfectly. I have a perfect weightlifting specific gym and like minded athletes to train with. I have two top notch coaches, one weightlifting coach and one nutrition coach. I'm completely content where I'm at. And now that I'm able to slow down on overtime my family life is the best it's ever been. 

I spent my entire career counting down the days to be able to retire and move, and now that I'm eligible to retire from the prison I've found complete satisfaction where I'm at. My wife and I have been house shopping here in Santa Fe, the houses are unbelievably expensive, there's no way we could afford to buy a house here. So after years of wanting to retire, I've found  that now I don't want to, and I sure as heck don't want to move away from my weightlifting gym here in Santa Fe.

I started taking creatine again. I'm always amazed how quickly my body gets strength gains and how much more quickly my body recovers when I take creatine. The only down side to creatine is the weight gain. I've gained three pounds in less than a week. All the weight gain is water weight, and since i don't have to worry about making weight at a lower weight class i don't mind. My next weightlifting meet is in January. The meet in January will be my last chance to qualify for the Masters Weightlifting National Championships.

a nutrition coach for weightlifting!

In 2004 I weighed 292 pounds. And then I found triathlon and I gradually got thinner as I became more involved in the sport. I got down to and maintained my dream racing weight of 175 pounds. I fell off the diet wagon May of 2012 shortly after I got ran over by a vehicle while I was cycling and suffered a traumatic brain injury. I retired from triathlon and since then I've gained a ridiculous amount of weight. My top weight, which I hit this month, was 318 pounds. I've tried dieting a thousand times. It never works. On the rare occasion I do lose weight for a few weeks in a row I always gain it all back and then some. I got tired of struggling to lose weight and failing. I got sick of being embarrassed about how I look. I got sick of not being able to buy clothes anywhere but Big and Tall stores. I got sick of being to fat to be able to play basketball or ride bikes with my kids. And I've developed sleep apnea from being grossly obese. I decided to do something about it. I hired a nutrition coach, weightlifter Barry Schroeder. He owned(still owns) three New Mexico state record in the 35-39 age group 105k weight class. Then he lost a lot of weight, dropped down to the 94k weight class and broke the 3 state records in that weight class too. To lose that much weight and still be strong enough to crush numerous state records means he knows the science of nutrition and how to eat to perform well for weightlifting while losing weight. I contacted him and asked if he'd be willing to help me. He was very enthusiastic about it. His prices are phenomenal too! Only $75 a month! First step is he'll track my food, calories, and weight for a week, then I'll start his diet magic! Next stop is the 105k weight class and qualifying for the masters national weightlifting championships! I'll keep you informed on my progress! I'm pumped!

family at weightlifting meets and emotional roller coasters

My wife is a very attractive lady and I'm still very in love. I still work hard at impressing her anytime I can. By doing the housework before she gets home from work or by doing great at sporting events to impress her, etc. Most of the time that works out great for me. But I've realized its causes problems with my weightlifting meets. Anytime she and my kids are in the audience I end up doing poorly at weightlifting. I end up putting to much of my concentration on doing well to look good for them them rather than on my form. Apparently still being madly in love after 13 years of marriage has an occasional down side.

On Saturday I failed at qualifying for the Masters National Weightlifting Championships at the "Lift Outside The Box" weightlifting meet held here in Santa Fe NM at The Miller Gym. After a poor sporting performance my emotions are all over the place. I've learned to never make any decisions soon after I do something I consider disappointing athletically. After the meet I was going to go on a low carb diet. Now that I've recovered from my emotional roller coaster I realized I'm a decent weightlifter. I'm fine at my current weight class. Yes I need to drop 30-40 pounds. But I need to do it in a healthy and moderate way. I also need work on my snatch form. My snatches in the last couple meets were down right ugly, but I don't need to do anything drastic with my weight that'll cause me to lose strength and speed that I've worked so hard to build. On the upside my clean and jerk exploded during my last training plan. I increased 7k in only 3 months. The next meet I'll be competing in will be The 2nd Annual John Davis weightlifting meet. Hopefully I'll qualify for the Masters National Weightlifting Championships then.

weightlifting taper and my grandmother passing away

Just before i started my taper I was ready for a break!  I was going to ask my coach if i could have a week off after the meet. By the end of my taper i'm missing lifting heavy. This is exactly what happens everytime.  I'm tired when I'm supposed to be, and feeling hungry for some heavy weightlifting when I'm about to compete. It's wonderful having a coach that has me hit every phase of training exactly like I'm supposed.

My grandmother died this weekend of bone cancer. It was her 5th bout with cancer. She was amazing.

My mother was at the funeral. My mother and i haven't spoken in over 4 years. I was afraid she was going to try and cause drama like she usually does. She didn't. Although it was awkward being around her, the weekend with the entire family was wonderful and the funeral was beautiful. I'll miss my Meme, that's what i called her. Meme. She was so strong and wonderful. She was the rock of our family. All of us on earth who knew her are heart broken, but she's with her husband, her daughter, and Jesus now so I know she's happier.

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balancing weightlifting, work, and eating

Today i had a break through on my snatch form. My strength is still low from the 7 weeks off from training. But thanks to the breakthrough on my form i hit an 84k snatch. That's less than i was lifting in April, but I'll get back to my old numbers eventually.

I've been working 12-16 hours every day since June 6th. My first day off will be July 6th. That's over a month of 92 hour work weeks. Obviously exhaustion has a lot to do with my strength returning so slowly. My wife is pushing for me to work a lot of overtime so we can get enough of a down payment for a new home so that we can move. At first i was willing, but now I'm having 2nd thoughts. I've been working 80-90 hour work weeks non-stop since 2006. I'm tired. I'd like to have a normal life, more time with the kids, and more sleep. I know my wife wants to move off prison grounds and move back to Albuquerque so she can be closer to her parents, but I'm happy where we're at. I really enjoy my career, i like living on prison grounds, i enjoy living in Santa Fe more than I've ever enjoyed living anywhere else, i love the church we go to, and I love weightlifting at the Miller Gym. If we moved to Albuquerque all that would change. I'm not sure i want to change things. With the exception of the amount of hours I've been asked to work I've never been this happy. Where I'm at now is where I'm happiest, why kill myself to leave?

I have two workout buddies, Kevin Y. and Heather,  who were incuraging me to start logging my food on My Fitness pal. Logging my food is helping my diet a lot. I've gone 27 days without binge eating. That's getting pretty close to the longest I've gone without destructive eating since i fell off the wagon back in 2012.  I've lost a little weight, 10 pounds or so. But this time my goal isn't to lose weight.  It's just to eat relatively healthy and avoid binge eating. Losing some weight this month is probably another reason my strength is rebounding so slowly. Haha, that's a tough one: lose weight and look better and be healthier or be strong?

My goal: the 2016 masters national weightlifting championships

One of my biggest weightlifting goals is to qualify for the masters national weightlifting championships. The qualifying total is 207k, my best total was 192k in April 2015. I have to gain 15k to my best lifts to qualify by March 2016.

Another great motivation for me to qualify for the 2016 masters national weightlifting championships  is that it will be held in Savannah Georgia. I have an aunt who lives in Columbia South Carolina, 2 hours 50 minutes from the competition. I could visit her and my uncle who just tried from the military. Aunt Stacie is one of only a couple family members who I'm in contact with. Its been almost 7 years since I've seen her. It would be beyond wonderful to see her again. And she's the most amazing cook I've ever seen! Motivation!

teaching my son to ride his bike without training wheels

Yesterday i taught my youngest son how to ride a bike without training wheels. I ran for what felt like miles hunched over his bike to keep him from falling. Today i woke up so sore! i rarely feel like i may be unable to get through a workout, but half way through today's workout i was struggling. My hands and back kept cramping and i had  to take a long time to recover between sets. I finished every set with all the proscribed weights. It was tough, but i did it.  Tomorrow is recovery day!  Yeah!

10 days left until i cant start taking creatine monohydrate again. I love creatine!  I've heard the results of creatine are individual, not everyone gets such wonderful results, but i sure do.

Tomorrow is the big day

Tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow is the John Davis memorial weightlifting meet. I've been training for this meet exclusively for the last 13 months.  If all goes as is expected I'll break all 3 of the New Mexico weightlifting state records for the 105k+ forty- fourty four age group division. I've taken a couple days of vacation time from work to taper & stay off my feet, and I've been eating extremely healthy the last couple weeks. Virtually no junk food or anything at all unhealthy. I've invited all of my friends, family, and co-workers to be there. I'll post how the meet goes. Wish me luck.

42 days until my big weightlifting meet

It's 1 month 12 days until the John Davis memorial weightlifting meet. All of my weights are moving up and my form is getting better day by day. My ultimate goal would be to have a 186 total. At my last meet I totaled a 182. I'm relatively sure with my recent strength and form increases I should be able to accomplish my goal. I cant wait, I'm super excited.

I've been trained by coach Shane Miller for a little over 11 months and already I can front squat more than I could back squat before. This week I set a front squat pr of 118.5 kilos and a back squat PR of 137 kilos.

My wife failed a 2nd class this semester. The nursing school she is attending kicks out any students who fails 2 classes. She is appealing the decision in hopes that she can continue. If she wins her appeal the school wont let her continue if she fails a third class. If she fails her appeal she's going to attempt getting a nursing degree in a third school. If she fails a third semester at the school she's at or at another school we have agreed she'll go back to work. We're racking up so many school loans we never be able to recover. Pray for her please.

weightlifting setbacks, parenting, and life

It's been awhile since I've posted. My wife is in nursing school and I'm working 12 shifts at night so I can do the parenting things during the day that my wife isn't able to do much of right now. Things like drop the kids off and pick them up from school, homework, driving them to their sports activities and practices, girl scouts, plus laundry, cooking, dishes, shopping, etc. I don't sleep much. Even though it feels chaotic keeping this busy, I've ever been this happy. Last year I wasn't handling the stress of such a busy life as well as I am now. That changed not to long ago when I met a little old lady who was depressed and lonely. After meeting her I had a revelation that even though life feels so incredibly busy, my quality of life is probably better now than it ever will be. My house is full of little people who love me, want me in their life, and are happy that I'm their Dad. My wife is so grateful for all I've been doing, she has never shown me this much love. Life is perfect. I've never been so content. Some day I'll be that old person willing to give up everything I own to have my kids  back home and to feel loved and needed every moment of the entire day like I do now.

I've still been training olympic style weightlifting. I'm still loving the heck out of it. But since July the totals of my snatch and clean and jerk have actually gone down. My totals are down to a pathetic 75/92/167k! I lost a few weeks of training last month. I had strep throat and my son had surgery. But the biggest reason my totals haven't been going up is lack of sleep. I'm averaging 2.5-3 hrs of sleep a day. I can't get stronger if I'm not sleeping. I started taking creatine monohydrate again yesterday. I'm hoping creatine will counter some of the negative effects of not sleeping.