May 30, 2009

Nearly had charges placed on me for murder

A couple months ago I was at work enjoying a rare quiet night. My shift commander came to me & asked if I'd go on an emergency medical transport. I know better than to volunteer for anything. I've especially learned to avoid volunteering for anything with the term "emergency" in it. My commander begged & pleaded for awhile. I work a non-pull post, which means I can go if I want to, but by union contract he can't make me leave my post for another one without my consent. Eventually my shift supervisor told me if I'd do this for him he'd consider it a personal favor & he'd owe me one. A person can never be owed to many favors in a dangerous place like a super max prison.

So I agreed, but made sure my shift supervisor knew he owed me BIG TIME. About that time the inmate was loaded into the ambulance, I got in also & we headed to the hospital. The inmate was bleeding profusely from his nose. I'm not talking a normal nose bleed here. There was so much blood gushing out of his nose that there was blood pouring off each side of the gurney & was creating small streams of it that was flowing to one side of the ambulance or the other as the vehicle went around turns. A few minutes from the hospital the inmate flat lined & the EMT's had to resuscitate him.

As soon as we got to the hospital we were rushed into a room, a doctor came in & cut the inmate from the back of his neck to the front of his forehead with a scalpel. Then quick as can be he picked up an industrial saw looking tool & sawed the inmates skull open. He then jams a miniature jaws of life looking instrument into the freshly sawed skull & splits this guys head wide open! This whole process of cracking his head open & exposing his brains to me took no longer than 10 seconds. Needless to say I was not expecting that for the treatment of a bloody nose. I have learned to handle blood & gore relatively well, the good Lord knows I've seen enough of it working at a prison for almost a decade & a half. But the sound the saw made on his head, & the wet sucking- crunching sound of his head getting pulled apart wasn't something I was prepared for. A little warning of what the Doctors were going to do would of been appreciated. When the top of his head was split open & his brains were exposed there was an orange sized tumor found that had split open. That was where the massive bleeding was coming from. The Dr saw the tumor that had split apart & said, "there's nothing I can do for him". He then stood there for a bit & stared at his watch as the inmates vitals dropped rather quickly. Once the inmate flat lined a 2nd time in less than 10 minutes the Dr proclaimed the time of death & he & the nurses turned & exited the room calmly as if everything was hunky dorey. Nothing felt hunkey dorey to me! & things sure as heck wasn't hunkey dorey for the inmate!

So there I am in a private emergency room staring at a fellows head gaping open & a cracked tumor hanging out of his brains. The room was utterly quiet, but I could still hear the saw & cracking noise of his head echoing over & over again. I decided to call my Shift Commander partly because that's prison policy, & partly so that I could hear something other than the gruesome noises replaying in my mind. When I got my Captain on the phone I advised him "the inmate died, may I come back to the facility? I don't think the inmate is an escape risk any more." There was no response from my Captain, & then my Captain started to giggle, the giggle turned to a chuckle, which quickly escalated to full blown side splitting laughter. I then started to laugh too. I laughed so hard tears were streaming from my eyes. While I was laughing a lady came into the room & looked at the inmates medical file thingy, looked at the inmate, then looked back at me while I was still laughing & gawked at me in obvious shock & horror. As she was watching me in undisguised disgust my shift Commander told me I had to stay with the inmate until the morgue collected the body. I then hung up the phone & the lady who had entered the room ran out & yelled at the nearest nurse "has the state police been called yet? This is a cover up!" I thought, "this should be interesting. There must have been a serious screw up if she's wanting to call the sate Police on her own staff. & that's when I put her nasty stare at me & her statement together.... She thought I was the one who had done this to the inmate! I threw my hands in the air & told her " I assure you, his head fully in tact when we got here. The Doctor did that" "BullS$!t" she replied. "There's nothing in his file but a time of death!" At that point she picked up a phone & called the state police. While she was making her phone call I was trying to describe the Doctor to the nurses so they could find him & clear this mess up. Problem was I only saw his back side & even then I was mostly watching the inmates head getting cracked open. So much for my training to take in all our surroundings & all details & to remember the description of everyone in any situations we encounter eh? The only description I could give was he had dark blond hair with a clean cut, he was short, & had on blue scrubs. That description was about as worthless as tits on a boar & did nothing to convince any of the large group of medical staff that was forming & watching the corrections officer who killed the inmate that I was not a ruthless murderer. I was even looking for either of the 2 nurses who was there at the time of surgery. It seemed to me like every nurse in the hospital had come to stare at me except those 2! Great, just great.

After what felt like a decade, but was probably only about 5 minutes the Dr who had performed the skull cracking walked into the room that the inmate was in & started to fill out the medical file for the inmate. I ran over to him & explained in as calm of a voice as I could muster what had transpired. He cleared up the situation. But not until he had a hard long laugh at my expense. I believe his long hard laugh at me was as inappropriate as mine was in regards to the dead inmates escape risk. Funny how some things come full circle & bite ya in the butt when ya least expect it.

Anyhow, on to family affairs.....

My wife & I had to trade in our car now that baby #3 is on the way. We can't fit 3 car seats into the one we have now. We were trying to just sell it outright so we could be a one vehicle family, but we were almost $5000 upside down on it. Consequently we had to trade our car in for a minivan. We were able to find a used minivan in great shape for a great deal, lowing our payment-even though we had to add the $5000 we were upside down onto the price of the new van.

This new minivan has a key less key. May not seem that big of a deal to others, but to me it's better than great! I work in a super maximum prison. In my 13.5 years of service I've had 2 of my fellow officers stabbed by inmates using a set of keys. Not much chance of getting stabbed with this new type of key. I'm really looking foreword to all cars having key less keys soon. Any way at all to increase the safety level of the prison I get excited about.

My weight this morning was 217. I have 17 more pounds to lose & 14 weeks to do it until my A race. The Halfmax national triathlon championships held September 19th

May 29, 2009

Bumper stickers

Back when my wife & I found out we were expecting baby #2 I owned a pick up truck I was in love with. I had to sell it because we couldn't fit all 4 of us in it. I was broken hearted, my wife made me feel better by telling me I could put any bumper stickers I wanted onto any of our future vehicles.

I really love bumper stickers. I express my loves, passions, & who I am on the back of my vehicles. My wife offered this because I started out with just a Clydesdale bumper sticker on the back of my truck. She had no idea how far I'd take it, but it's to late to back out now, a deals a deal. Now I have stickers with almost every distance triathlon I've completed. My wife is to the point she's asking I stop & add no new ones. But. I don't have plans to stop anytime soon;)

I'll also be adding an Xterra bumper sticker once I complete the Xterra triathlon I'm planning on in 2010. Who knows what's next! Right now I'm in the process of finding a Star Wars bumper sticker because I revel in my nerdiness:) Here are some of the Star Wars bumper stickers I've found so far. Just a few though....hehe.

I'm not sure if posting via my phone will allow the uploading of pictures onto my blog. If so, this is a picture of my triathlon machine thus far.... Ok ok, it's a minivan. But it sounds more dignified to call it a triathlon machine.

1. "My other car is a Podracer"
2. "My son and my money go to the Imperial Academy"
3. "My slave is a Mos Espa Elementary Honor Student"
4. "Honk if you love the Emperor"
5. "My Sith Apprentice kicked your Honor Students butt!"
6. "Guns don't kill people. Stormtroopers do."
7. "Boomers no killen outsiders; meccaneks do."
8. "My other podracer is a Rolls Royce."
9. "Poodoo Happens."
10. "Honk if the Force is with you."
11. "Midichlorian Baby On Board."
12. "My Padawan is an honor student at Coruscant Elementary."
13. "How's my driving? Call 1-800-JEDI-I-AM."
14. "I won the Mos Espa Boonta Eve pod race and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker!"
16. "Impeach Windu"
17. "Sidious is coming - look busy"
18. "Honor Student at Yoda Grammar School, Am I"
19. "Lightsaber don't kill people. Sith do"
20. "Sidious and Maul 99"
21. "I'd rather be Bullseyeing Wamprats"
22. "I brake for Hutts"
23. "Get any closer and I'll flick half a Sith on your windshield."
24. "Horn Broken...Watch For Double Lightsaber."
25. "No Yoda No Peace..Know Yoda Know Peace."
26. "Have you hugged your Sith Lord today?"
28. This landspeeder protected by Blastech.
29. They can have my lightsaber when they pry it from my COLD DEAD HAND
30. Jedi On Board
31. If you can read this my hyperdrive is broken.
32. "Don't blame me, I voted for Chancellor Valorum"
33. "Look twice and save a life - speeder bikes are everywhere"
34. "Free Naboo"
35. "Chosen One on Board"
36. Hold on to your Republic credits boys, the Jedi shall rise again.
37. Bantha, it's what's for dinner.
38. Visit scenic Beggar's Canyon.
39. So many Ewoks, so few recipes.
40. Page's Commandos, when it absolutely has to be destroyed overnite.
41. Jedi On Board -great pick Obi-Wannabe
43. "There's always a bigger fish"
44. "Saber Mom"
45. "If you can read this, you are in tractor range."
46. Rogue Suadron: When you care enough to send the very best.
47. When the last B-wing is flown to the recycling center, the pilot will return to base
in a Y-WING!
48. No Hyperdrive.
49. This speeder protected by a Wookie. Touch at your own risk.
50. "Pardon my flying, I was just charging the weapons."
51. "Welcome to Mos Eisley. Now go home!"
52. "My child made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs."
53. "Blasters don't kill people nearly as well as proton torpedoes do."
54. "I'm a Star Wars fan honk if you", and then has a picture of R2-D2.
55. "Your focus determines your reality."
56. "Send a droid."
57. "Yousa follow me now, okeeday?"
58. Be mindful of the future...but not at the expense of the moment.
59. "My Master is a Toydarian Trader."
60. "Missing your ewok, try looking under my bumper."
61. "Proud parent of a S.I.T.H. graduate."
62. "Don't laugh, I've made a few 'special modifications'."
63. "Vader loves you."
64. "Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Sith Lord"
65. "Even Yoda would smack you in the head."
66. "I'd rather be podracing."
67. "Why yes, I am a Jedi Master."
68. My other car is a Millenium Falcon
69. "Save the gooberfish."
70. "Yoda is my copilot."
71. "Smuggling, it's not just a job, it's an adventure."
72. "The Sith will rise again."
73. "If you ain't a Dark Lord you ain't Sith"
74. "I break for Taco Bell, Pizza Hut or KFC"
75. "Darth for President"
76. "There ain't no good wars 'cept Star Wars"
77. "Fly Casual"
78. "Don't like my driving? Call 1-800-GOTO-HOTH"
79. "Kiss my Wookiee"
80. "My paycheck is the property of Kenner toys and Lucasfilm"
81. Pro-force
82. Don't like my driving? Talk to the Wookie!"
83. Daggobah or Bust!
84. "I'm not lost, I'm following the force"
85. "Road Rage: Another form of the Dark Side"
86. "I'd rather be flying my X-wing"
87. "Hang up and Drive: It could be a trick to trace your location!"
88. "Visualize using your identification code"
89. "Bad Hutt!- No Han!"
90. "Yoda/Mace: 2000"
91. "My Jedi Reflexes allow me to drive as fast I want"
92. "My Padawan learner out-dueled your sith aprentice."
93. ROGUE WILL- keep 'em coming.
94. Yoda loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.
95. Ask me about killing Woks for fun and profit.
96. I got a lightsabre for my wife. Good trade, huh?
97. The Maker created man. Blastech made them equal.
98. There are few personal problems that cannot be solved by suitable application of thermal detonators.
99. "Rebel Scum!"
100. "Wipe them out, ALL of them"
101. "Icky Icky Goo!"
102. "Be all you can be, in the Rebel Alliance"
103. "Have Light Sabre, Will Travel"
104. "The Force, Never leave home without it"
105. "Work is for people who aren't atuned to the Force"
106. "To Err is Human, To be perfect is Jedi"
107. "I gave up Star Wars, The Force, and the Jedi Code; the worst 15 minutes of my life"
108. "Will work for food, will beg for tickets to TPM"
109. "Yoda for Emperor"
110. "You don't need to see my identification."
111. I DON'T brake for ewoks!
112. "I waited 16 Years and all I got was this lousy bumper sticker."
113. "May not look like much on the outside, but she's got it where it counts"
114. I swerve and hit Ewoks at random.
115. My wife is a Sith Lord.
116. Darth Vader's breathing unit is in my air conditioner.
117. If the Sith would've won, we'd have had it made!
118. Officer, I'm not the driod you're looking for.
119. "I blew up the Death Star and all I got was this lousy medal"
120. "Quadinaros/Gonk 2000"
121. "You want this... don't you" (on the back of a Pinto)
122. "DSTR 113.8 SITH ROCK!!!"
123. Max Rebo Tour 99
124. Say NO to spice
125. When lightsabres are outlawed only outlaws will have lightsabres.
126. Jar Jar in trunk"
127. "TK421 has left the building"
128. "Ugnaught: The OTHER white meat"
129. "Follow me to Tashee Station"
130. It's 12 am do you know where your Padawan is?
131. I like Gungans. They taste like chicken."
132. "My other car is a Neubian."
133. "Maul: Half the man he used to be."
134. "Duct tape's like the force. It's Light on one side, dark on the other,
135. and it binds the galaxy together."
136. First Panel:
Obi-wan says to Luke: The force can have a powerful influence over the weak minded.
Second Panel:
Luke says: The force can have a powerful influence over the weak minded.
137. "My car may not look like much, but it's got it where it counts"
138. "I don't know where I'm going. The Force is guiding me."
139. Ewok, the other white meat
140. I miss the Emporer but my lightsaber skills are improving.
141. Pass or pass not there is no try.
142. Don't send a droid to do a Sith's job.
143. Keep honking, Darth Maul is getting a trace.
144. Keep honking, my blaster is recharging.
145. Always let the Wookie win.
146. My other ship is Slave 1.
147. My Jedi ancestor kicked your Sith ancestors butt.
148. Let the Wookie merge
149. Blaster Control means using your lightsaber.
150. Got Maul?
151. Yippee!
152. That's so wizard!
153. It's in good repair....except for the parts we need
154. Caution - in real life spinning is NOT a good trick
155. travelling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops kid
156. Clones are people two.
157. "feel Honk" if your a Jedi
158. Jedi: NO FEAR
159. Got Midichlorians?
160. Have you hugged your Padawan today?
161. Back Off! The Force is strong with this one.
162. Query: After eating, do Gungans need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
163. I'm the Trade Federation and I Vote
164. Pro-Sith, Pro-Jedi, Pro-Choice
165. Save the Gungans, Collect Them All
166. My Other Car Is An N-1 Starfighter
167. "would it help if I got out and pushed?"
168. A new car is my only hope (on the back of a beater)
169. A new car is your only hope (on the back of a Porche)
170. What a piece of junk!
171. Clear docking bay 327, my brakes are out!
172. Watto's Auto Parts "I have everything you need, I think"
173. caution! driver is as clumsy as he is stupid!
174. 21B or not 21B
175. "You don't need to see my identification"
176. "I proudly put George Lucas' kids through college"
177. cation driver actually going into asteroid field follow at own risk!
178. visualize world pieces!
179. Caution: Padawan Driver
180. Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form?
181. This is not the vehicle you're looking for.
182. I can go about my business.
183. Sorry. My hyperdrive is leaking.
184. Careful. My wingman is behind you.
185. If you hit me I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
186. Wimps drive single file to hide their numbers.
187. I'm altering the deal.
188. I will Not rely on negotiations.
189. I'm nice drivers
190. "Have you seena my chancecube?"
191. KEEP HONKING- I'm igniting my Lightsaber
192. Funny... I don't seem to remember owning a fuzzbuster before.
193. You will never see a more wretched drive of scum and villany. You must be cautious.
194. How could they be Clocking us if... they didn't... know we're coming?
195. Many donuts died to bring us this ticket.
196. A bad day watching Star Wars beats a good day at work.
197. I used a Jedi mind trick on the toll booth operator
198. My son and my money go to TPM
199. (Closeup of Maul) Honk if you're horny
200. How about "My other car was on Alderaan"
201. "Wookie on Board"
202. "If you cut me off, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine"
203. Anyone can be a father, it takes (picture of Vader with a hand each on Leia and Luke)
to be bad
204. Let me tell you about TPM
205. I left my license in my podracer
206. See podracer; see podracer go fast; see cop
207. You tailgate closer then Sebulba
208. This car runs on midichlorianated gasoline
209. "It's Working!"
210. If you lived in a galaxy far, far away you'd be home now
211. Fear leads to anger; anger leads to hate; hate leads to accidents.
212. "Mos Espa or Bust"
213. "No R2 I said take us off autopilot!"
214. "Eopie another white meat"
215. How about a stuffed Gungan suction cupped to the window with a stupid saying (In Gungan) in a word baloon above its head.
216. "Tae wanna wanga, STUPID"
217. Save a Nerf... Eat a Ewok
218. MY speedometer measures in LIGHTYEARS.
219. If you can read this . . . my cloaking device is down.
220. I'd brake, but I don't know where they are. - Anakin
221. I'd brake, but I don't want to. - Sebulba
222. Sorry if I hit you. Nav computer miscalculation.
223. Fear the red light. - Maul
224. There's a mynock on your windshield.
225. Sorry. It was your destiny.
226. Driving brings out my dark side.
227. There are always 2 - driver and passenger.
228. Ooops . . . wrong button.
229. Cut me off and your journey towards the darkside will be complete.
230. Let the Wookiee drive.
231. Give money to a charitable cause. Buy Maul a toothbrush.
232. Excuse the swerving. I'm dodging a TIE.
233. This hunk o' junk is the fastest ship in the galaxy.
234. You use a map. I use a nav computer.
235. I don't need to watch the road. I use the force.
236. Save the Jedi.
237. The odds of successfully navigating the traffic are 3,783 (I don't remember the actual #) to 1.
238. Never tell me the odds.
239. It's always rush hour on Coruscant.
240. You're bantha fodder.
241. I can't shake'em!
242. I left my lightsaber in my other pair of pants.
243. Move along. Move along.
244. Follow me to the Jedi Temple
245. Follow me to Mos Espa
246. Follow me to Mos Eisley
247. Follow me to Hoth
248. Follow me to Naboo, but watch out for the locals
249. I believe in midichlorians
250. Look, I am your father
251. (On a catering truck) Stew or Stew not, there is no fry
252. My phantom dentist uses a maul
253. Anger have you - back off
254. Old Jedi don't die, they just fade away
255. I'm running out. Here's one more.
256. Back off or I'll flick a mynock on your windshield.
257. Avoid the Crowds- Vacation sunny Tatooine
258. Toshi Station : Your Place For Power Converters
259. Witness the power of this armed and full operational Pinto
260. No Blasters ! No Blasters !
261. Hoth or Bust
262. Would it help if I got out and pushed?
263. This is an armed and fully operational battlestation.
264. The sheilds are still up!!
265. Activating Hyperdrive
266. "Droids suck"
267. "Save the Huge Submarine Eating Fish"
268. "Be all that you can be: The Imperial Army needs *YOU*"
269. Who's the more foolish, the fool or the fool who tailgates me?
270. I don't think this Pinto is entirely stable...
271. Red Five, you may commence your run on the liquor store
272. I feel the good in you, let go of your hatred and let me merge
273. Switch off!!
274. " Don't worry, she'll hold together "
275. "I'd rather be on the Jedi Council Forums"
276. "Yoda my English teacher is"
277. The Jedi could use a little Vader
278. Uncle Owen: Hate you, hate Tatooine, am taking droids. - Luke
279. Star Wars: Y2K compliant for 22 years
280. Lost your Ewok? Look under my tires.
281. I like you, but I wouldn't want to see your midichlorians
282. "Bad Jedi. No lightsaber".
283. "Jar Jar Binks For President" (that will PO the crazies)
284. Obi Wan Kicks Butt"
285. "My Naboo Fighter Can Beat YOUR Naboo Fighter"
286. "Have You Practiced Your Jedi Today
287. "Become a Jedi, Travel the Universe"
288. Maybe it should read "Darth Maul Was Born Cosmetically Challenged
289. Horn broken. Watch forlightsaber.
290. When it absolutely, positively has to be obliterated overnight . . . Rogue Squadron.
291. Life is like Episode II, you never know what you're gonna get.
292. "You said the biggest problem in the universe is that no body drives safe"
293. "I'm a Toydarian, lights and signs don't work on me, only money!"
294. I was at the 1st annual Jedi Purge
295. My other car was on the Death Star.
296. The more Gungans I meet, the more I miss the Ewoks...
297. Palpatine is my Boss.
298. Cut offs lead to road rage; road rage leads to accidents; accidents lead to law suits.
299. A warning WILL do fine.
300. If you hit me I will become more rich than you can possibly imagine.
302. Friends don't let friends race Sebulba
303. You're full of Sith!!!
304. My other car is a STAP.
305. If you don't like my driving, stay out of the spacelanes!
306. Palpy/Vader '00
307. Mauls against Dead Darths
308. Vote Palpatine, it could save a life... YOURS.
309. I Survived the Jedi Purge and all I got was this lousy bumpersticker!!!
310. I honk for banthas!
311. Piece of Junk? - My car this is
312. Don't mock me, I have a turbolaser!
313. When 900 years old your car is, look as good it will not, hmm?
314. Confront me, you must. Then, only then, a driver will you be.
315. I find your lack of speed disturbing..
316. You came in that? You're braver than I thought!
317. Dont underestimate the power of my road rage!
318. My BOSS is a SITH
319. THE REBEL ALLIANCE: We kill more stormtroopers before 6am
than most people do all day!
320. Ski Hoth
321. Corellian Smugglers...Getting you what you need since before the Empire.
322. My other car was stolen by jawas.
323. Read my lips: "NO NEW GUNGANS"
324. Don't hit me... Jaba the Hutt is my Insurance Broker (and he won't understand)
325. This isn't the car that was speeding. Move along, move along.
326. If you can read this I'm charging my blaster.
327. "CAUTION: The force is with ME."
328. Reality, for people who've never seen Star Wars.
329. ~Do not meddel in the affairs of rancors for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup"
330. What a peice of junk!"
331. " I forgot how much I hate freeway travel."
332. "Were Doomed!
333. "It's not my fault! It's all yours."
334. " Proud owner of a rancor!"
335. " The odds of successfully navigating I-15(in Utah Anyway) are approximately 3720 to 1
336. " How Rude"
337. "Ever hear the Imperial March when you see cops like I do?"
338. "Gungans rule!"
339. "Loose your Sith Lord? Look under my tires."
340. "Loose your Battle Droid? Look in the Death Star's trash compactor."
341. "Loose your Droid army? Check the statis of the Control Ship
342. "I'm not driving fast, I'm podracing."
343. "Now THIS is podracing!"
344. "Honest podracers always finish last, IF they finish."
345. "I think I hit a Wookie back there."
346. "Anakin, I am your mother!"
347. "Real Sith pick their teeth with their lightsabers."
348. "Vacation Dagobah."
349. "Yavin or Bust."
350. "Storm troopers, they can't hit the broadside of a Bantha!"
351. "Your lucky I don't have force destruction."
352. "Cut me off and you will become bantha fodder"
353. "I wonder if you'd drive any better if that lightsaber was up your butt!!!"
354. "Piece of junk this car is"
355. "WARNING: Am driving without a restraining bolt"
356. "No, I don't like you either"
357. "Lost your stormtrooper? Check my tires!"
358. "My jedi knight beat up your sith lord"
359. "What's that red light? We just lost steering, kid"
360. "My Republic Credits and my Padawan go to Coursasant University"
361. "Team Tatooine"
362. "Run in boots in deep sand,
363. It builds character!
364. Jedi Temple Local 402"
365. "My other ship is owned by a Hutt."
366. "My son is The Chosen One at Padawan middle school."
367. Life is what gets in the way of Star Wars.
368. Destroyer Droids on board.
369. Have an Okey Day.
370. I brake for Destroyer Droids.
371. This car protected by droiddekas.
372. Take a womp rat to lunch.
373. Maul's Agains Dead Darth's"
374. "Piece of Junk? - My car this is "
375. "My boss is a Naboo senator"
376. "Palpatine/Vader '05"
377. "If you can read this you must be Sebulba"
378. "If you can read this you must be a Dug"
379. "Home is where you send the battle droids."
380. "Mindprobes: because a GOOD mind is a terrible thing to waste (needlessly)"
381. "Jedi are where you find them."
382. "My other saber is a SITH SPECIAL"
383. "What part of NO don't you understand.-Mace Windu"
384. "A Jedi is only as good as his lightsaber."
385. "Pod Racing ain't like Dusting Crops- Oh, sorry, yes it is!"
386. " It's Working It's Working!"
387. "eat my dust slimeball!"
388. I brake for gooberfish
389. Padawan Driving Student
390. The Force Works In Mysterious Ways
391. "practice random acts of the force"
392. "have you hugged your wookie today?"
393. "friends dont let friends laugh at jar-jar's jokes"
394. I'm not the squad leader, go follow someone else.
395. Poodoo happens
396. My other car is the Millenium Falcon
397. Feel the Force, Motha
398. 'If ever car drives off bridge, use Ewoks as life preserver.'
399. "You'll be careful?!?! HA! You'll be dead!!" Yoda For President
400. R2D2 For President
401. CAUTION: Blown Power Coupling
402. I'm Altering the Deal!
403. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of my Road Rage!
404. You've Been Well Trained My Aprentice--The Cops will be no match for you!
405. Sorry, It was the Will of the Force
406. Lets Try Spinning---That's a Neat Trick!
408. "Duel of the Fords"
409. "I'm not driving badly. I'm just letting go my conscious self and acting on instinct"
410. "Traveling the Interstate ain't like dusting crops, boy!"
411. "I made the Kessel run in five parsecs and all I got was this lousy bumpersticker"
412. "Judging from the amount of damage we've suffered, they must have been destroyed."
413. Your Lucky I don't have FORCE DESTUCTION!
414. I'd rather be in Star Wars.
415. Save Alderan! ooops too late,
416. Who's scruffy lookin'?
417. You drive in that? You're braver than I thought.
418. I'd break for Nerf Herders!
419. R U Crazy?
420. I wear yodajammies!
421. Curse my metal body I wasn't fast enough!
422. Do not defy the law Master,not again.
423. I know we're in trouble,just hang on!
424. You're a good driver, Solo, we hate to lose you.
425. A speeding ticket's not an easy thing to live with.
426. If my Star Destroyer is rockin, don't bother knockin'
427. I'm all out of Estrogen...and I have a lightsaber!
428. Even Jedi cannot live by Force alone.
429. This car does have it's moments, not many, bit it does have them.
430. You love that car, don't you?
431. Sith: Where do you want to die today?
432. Measa love yousa wife
433. Unless you going to fire 2 proton torpedos up my exhaust pipe. BACK OFF.
434. Wookies: And you think YOUR road rage is bad.
435. Yoda: Judge me by by driving do you?
436. At last we can reveal ourselves in the volvo.
437. You drive that thing? Your braver than I thought!
438. " and you thought they look bad... on the outside"
439. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good V8 kid..
440. "Im the only human who can drive...."
441. "You want to over take me dont you... I can feel the anger swelling in you now."
442. "You dont need to over take me now..."
443. ""I call for a vote of No-confidence on your driving."
444. Warning: Live hard Die jedi.
445. Tell those traffic lights we wish them to go green at once.
446. Join the army: Travel to Nabboo
447. Drive... Dont think..
448. Would it help if I got out and pushed?
449. Im dont think Volvo had Wookies in mind when they designed her Chewie

May 22, 2009

Weekly weight

On May 1st I found out I qualified for the Halfmax National Championships at the Redman September 19th in Oklahoma City, Ok. Since I found out I'll be racing at the Halfmax National Championships I've been having EXCELLENT workouts & have been perfect with my eating. I haven't been this consistent with both my eating & triathlon training since August 2008. I love it when I get motivated!

The Redman is now 19 weeks away. My goal has been to lose 2 pounds a week & get to 195-200 pounds by early to mid August. Then maintaining that weight until race day. I'm dang fast when I'm around 200 pounds!

This week I lost 3 pounds, which surprised me because I ate an average of 3065 calories a day. That's a lot of calories to eat & still lose 3 pounds in 1 week.

I'm a great big nerd. To show you what a nerd I am, I've calculated that based off my average weight loss, if I continued to work out as hard & as much as I have been, I could eat 4565 calories a day & still maintain my weight. Wow. That's a lot of calories! That's another great reason to train for triathlons!

Until next time!

By the way, any peeps wanting to buy a vehicle? My wife & I are selling a 2007 Ford Fusion. 36,000 miles. One owner vehicle. Near mint condition. We are selling it for $10,500. The Blue Book lists that vehicle at a dealership @ $15,000. & from an private party @s listed @ $12,500. It's a great deal. Email me if interested.

Thanks for tuning in!

May 19, 2009

2009 Santa Fe Century

Sunday May 16th 2009 I rode in the Santa Fe Century. This was the first year I'd riden in this event. This century is always the same weekend as one of my favorite triathlons, The Buffman & Squeaky Olympic distance triathlon. I'd competed in the Buffman every year since 2005. I originally didn't think I'd be able to ride in this years century either. I didn't have the $25 for the entry fee. The leader of my triathlon club found out about my lack of funds & offered to pay my way into the century for me. But I didn't want any one else to have to pick up my slack due to my lack of funds, especially a friend.

The day before the ride I drove to where the registration was & offered to trade a pair of Nike cycling shoes I had been meaning to sell on ebay for the registration fee. The first person I asked agreed, so I was able to ride on Sunday after all.

The century started at St. Vincent's hospital in Santa Fe. I rode the first 10 miles solo. The 10 mile mark is approximately 150 yards from my house, so I stopped & refilled my bottles, kissed the wife & headed out again.

I jumped into a peloton led my Outlaws Tim C. & Brian P. just outside of the NM state penitentiary & rode with them all the way into Madrid. This was my first time riding in a peloton larger than a few people. I must say being in the middle of that peloton was one of the most exciting things I'd been apart of in a long time. It felt like a living breathing animal! I rode a total of 15 miles with this group. We averaged over 26 miles an hour. That felt amazing because the entire ride in the peloton my HR never got out of zone 2 yet we were going very fast indeed.

Madrid was the first pit stop. I refilled my bottles & rode the rest of the ride as a triathlete would, that is completely on my own. No drafting.

The first 35 miles of this ride was very very mountainous. Heart Break hill is the last hill of the extremely difficult first 35 miles. After Heart Break Hill the rest of the ride is slight rolling hills or flats with a slight downhill. On Heart Break Hill at least 95 percent of the riders get off their bike and walk. Heart Break Hill is about a mile long & maxes out at a 12 percent grade. Very tough hill! I rode up it the entire way, but suffered for it;)

After heart break hill it was down hill until Cadar Grove, at which point the ride was flat. I rode my bike to church every Sunday morning this route. Right after Cedar Grove is where I'd stop for church, the Santa Fe century turned East from my church & rode out through Gallisteo & Stanley.

I 'd never ridden in this direction before. Not a lot out that way but many miles of dirt, dead brown grass, alfalfa farms, & mobile homes. I started to feel fatigued once I hit Gallisteo which was probably the 80 mile mark. Thankfully the rest of the ride had a tail wind & there wasn't anything entirely challenging to ride up. All in all I'd say I have kept up much more of my Ironman endurance than I thought I had. Still got it in these old legs after all;)

Ending mileage was 103 miles. Total time in the saddle 7hrs 9 minutes. I earned 58 weight watcher points which I ate ALL of that night. The extra eating was almost as much fun as the ride was!

May 15, 2009

2009 USAT rankings

The USAT rankins are out.
Triathlon ranking
2008- 1167th place, 75.525.
2007- 65.23
2006- 67.95

My 2008 duathlon ranking wasn't shown for some reason.
2007- 68.21
06- 65.75

My weight this morning was 219.8. 8 pounds down, 20 more to go, & 16 weeks until my goal race of the Redman Halfman.

May 14, 2009

No more overtime :(

I've been in corrections almost 14 years now. It has it's good and bad points, but it's always been recession proof. As a matter of a fact when the economy is bad crime goes up & corrections usually sees a boost. Recently the New Mexico state government has demanded corrections cut back on it's spending dramatically. One of the ways the DOC (department of corrections) is cutting spending is by cutting out overtime.

New Mexico DOC has always been one of the 2 or 3 lowest paid corrections in the nation. But because there has always been unlimited overtime our correctional officers hadn't been to terribly upset by this. If we wanted extra money we'd work a few extra shifts on our days off & TADA! A great big check.

With unlimited overtime available to me I've been able to make enough money that my wife is a stay at home Mom with baby #3 on the way. Life was always easy at the DOC, until a month ago.

To put the loss of overtime in perspective we are now living off of 38 percent of what we had been.

Some things we are now doing to live off less money has been to:

-cancel our Net Flix, dish TV, & all magazine subscriptions.

-We are no longer eating out except for special occasions at which time we'll eat at somewhere cheap like Taco Bell or McDonalds.

-I had originally planned on doing around 15 South West Challenge series Multisport races & the Redman Half Iron. Now I will only be doing the few triathlons which I've already paid for. The only reason I'm still able to do the Redman Half Iron is because my best friend will be doing it also & he said he'll pay for the lodging & gas. Thank the Lord for him!

-The races I still plan on doing that are out of town I'll be staying at KOA's & in a tent. To be honest I'm actually excited about this. I've always loved camping out. Now I can camp out & race all in the same weekend!

-We are becoming a 1 vehicle family. We selling our 2007 Ford Fusion. Unfortunately we are about $5,000 upside down, but it's cheaper to pay $160 a month on a $5,000 personal loan than $360 a month on a $23,000 car. Plus we'll be saving $80 a month on insurance. Anyone want to buy an 07 Ford Fusion with 32,000 miles, near mint condition, one owner vehicle? Retail is $15,000. Private Party is $12,100. We'll sell for $10,500. That's $4,500 below what you can buy it for at a dealership!

-I've planted a large vegetable garden so I can ensure my family will still have healthy veggies.

-I'm commuting to work on my bicycle.

-There's a bunch of other little ways we're going to try & save money such as buying food in bulk, buying our clothes & other necessities when possible at Good Will, etc.

Thankfully running & cycling is free;)

All in all I believe God will see us through this unexpected rough time. If you have an opportunity I'd sure appreciate prayers.

Peace Peeps! I'm out!

Cycling fantasyland

Did any of you peeps see the article called cycling fantasyland in Junes issue of Bicycling?

In a nut shell it said there are 3 places that are building entire towns or subdivisions around bicycle paths. They found 3 cycling utopias.

1 is called bicycle city is still in the planning stages & can be found @

Another is called Pla D'adet, the co-developer is George Hincapie.

& the third is called Mesa Del Sol & will be built in right here in Albuquerque!!!!! A 20 mile Velocircut is being planned. Mesa Del Sol is supposedly only a few minutes bike ride from the Rio Grande bike path which is a 20 mile path that goes the entire length of Albuquerque. It's also a few minutes ride from downtown Alb, UNM, & the Sun Port (Alb air port). The NM Rail Runner is a great tool for cyclists. Its a high speed train that runs from Belen to Santa Fe. The Rail Runner has a place built on it for bikes so you can ride the rail runner from Albuquerque to wherever you decide to get off & cycle back.

Albuquerque is where one of 2 cycling academy's of Johan Bruyneel's (The team manager Lance Armstrong won 7 tours with) is located. Looks like I may not have to move to Boulder Co to find a cyclists dream when I retire after all. Cycling heaven will be right here in my home town by then.

May 12, 2009

2009 Jay Benson triathlon race report

2009 Jay Benson triathlon race report

Sunday May 10th was the Jay Benson triathlon in Albuquerque. I love this race. Its close to my home and because its a local race most all of my tri-friends & Outlaw triathlon team mates show for this race.

After I got my race packet I started setting up my transition area. After I pumped up my tires I realized my front tire valve was broke & was leaking. I went to my car to get the spare sow up tire & realized I'd forgotten my "emergency" tire. Apparently there would be no racing for me today. Well, I live & learn.

I started loading up my race gear to leave & the guy parked 2 cars down from me asked why I was loading up my bike. I told him of my dilemma & he reached in his car & offered me his spare wheel to race on. This was no common trainer wheel. This was a $900 Rolf wheel he offered to let me use. He'd never seen me before & yet he was willing to risk a complete stranger stealing or damaging his gorgeous wheel! I was absolutely amazed, & completely grateful! I later found out his name is Jamie Dispenza & he's the photo editor at the Albuquerque journal. Props to him. Very few people out there who are so trusting & giving. Thanks Jamie.

I had a good friend who I hadn't seen since 2006 show up at the race with his family to root me on. They came down even though it was Mothers day. That they gave up part of their day touched me deeply.

The race had the Clydesdales starting in the 3rd of 3 waves. This wave had the Clydesdales, Athenas, & women 40 & over. It was nice to have the Clydesdales racing separately from the other men so I knew exactly who I was in competition with. This race was a reverse triathlon. Its order was run, bike, swim.

Out of habit I started the run in the middle of the pack. This was a mistake I wouldn't have made if I'd of thought of it. But I've never been accused of being a deep thinker or an awe inspiring strategist.
All of the fastest triathletes had started in the first 2 waves. So where I chose to start the race had me running with people I'd normally run much faster than. It took me at least 2 minutes to work my way through the herd. In the mean time all the people I'd normally be as fast as or faster than had built a large lead on me.

The run is a loop & once I got out of the pack I started chasing down Clydesdales one by one. By the end of the run I ended up catching all but 4 Clydes. One of the Clydes I was unable to catch ran 7 minute miles. Needles to say I never saw that guy again. I finished the 3 mile run in 32:31 averaging sub 8 minute miles the first time year.

I had one of the best T-1's I've ever had. The transition area was at least 90-100 yards long yet I only had a 60 second transition. I got out of the transition area & onto my bike in front of 2 of the 4 Clydes who'd recorded a faster run than me. Transition practice makes perfect.

The bike route is a bit more technical than most triathlons have. Lots of turns & curves & 3 switch backs. I liked the U turns because I was able to see how much of a lead I or my competitors had. I ended up really hammering on the bike finishing the bike in 34:31, a 21.6 MPH ave!

When I got off the bike there were 2 clydes in front of me & despite having another really fast T-2 of only 85 seconds & really good swim- ok, it was good for me, not necessarily good for most triathletes- I wasn't able to catch either of them. I finished the swim in 7:55 & had a total race time of 1 hr 8 min 21 seconds, finishing 3rd place Clydesdale & getting 8 more points for the South West Challenge Series with 63 points in 7 races.

Overall I was excited with my results. There's something about this race that brings the best out in me.

May 05, 2009


I'm usually very slow to try new technology. has had for awhile now the ability for their bloggers to post via cell phone. As usual my stubborn mind set is to not accept or try new technology. Consequentially to post on my blog I write my posts on my PDA's email, send the email to my home computer, then once at home I open my email, copy & paste it on my blog, then publish it. I have finally decided to try this new & easy posting option via my Palm Pilot. We will see how it goes for a technology moron like me.

On to the important stuff, like triathlon, Multisport training, goal races, body weight, & power to weight ratios! Oh me oh my isn't my favorite hobby exciting?

My weight today is 225. Down 2 pounds from last week. Slow & steady weight loss is the name of the game this year. My goal weight is 200 by Sept 19th; dare I dream of going lower again? That didn't go well last . That gives me 25 pounds to lose in 18 weeks. Now, I don't mean to spin it to say this will be easy. I've only been below 211 pounds twice since high school. High school ended 15 years ago for my old fat butt. One of those times I wasn't yet involved in the Multisport lifestyle, & I had simply stopped eating. We all know how self induced starvation in America ends. A quick weight gain that far surpasses any losses!

Any how, the slower I can lose this weight the better it will be for my power to weight ratio. A persons speed on the bike is essentially figured out by their power to weight ratio. If a person loses a lot of weight rapidly they invariably lose power along with the weight. So the slower I can lose the 21 pounds I'd like to lose, the better for my speed & endurance it will be.

The lightest I've ever weighed for a 70.3 race (also known as halfiron which is a 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run) was 204 pounds. I had a break through performance that day crushing my previous PR by 23 minutes! There's no coincidence that my PR of 5:35 was done at a weight of 204 & at a difficult course. While my previous PR of 5:58 was done on a MUCH easier course, but at 236 pounds.

On top of the speed benefits of being thinner I need to lose some weight because my two remaining 36-40 sized work pants are getting horribly thread bare. I've patched them multiple times, but they are close to becoming unrepairable. I have at least 6 pair of size 32-36 work pants that I have that are in near mint condition. Last year when I finally lost the weight I'd always wanted to lose I advised my work I needed to start receiving smaller pants & shirts for my yearly issue. I then promptly shot back up to my usual weight of 225-230. Pride has prevented me from advising my work I am now in need of a larger pant size again. But hopefully in a month or so I'll be able to fit into those size 32-36's again!!!!

My next 70.3 distance race will be the Redman in Oklahoma city in September, which is the Halfmax national championships. The Halfmax National Championships is a race a person has to qualify for. Thank the lord & weight watcher online I qualified with a 5 hr 35 minute time, barely making the cut off time with only 40 seconds to spare.

Today I registered for the Redman Halfmax nationals. It was $200 to register for the event. That's $150-200 cheaper than a 70.3 sanctioned event. The Halfmax also has a Clydesdale & Athena division, the Iron & 70.3 sanctioned events no longer have those divisions. So, from here on out I'm a Halfmax racer & supporter. Down with the Iron & 70.3 series I say!

My training is going very well. I'm on a recovery week right now. On Sunday I'll be competing at the Jay Benson triathlon in Albuquerque NM. The Jay Benson is the most heavily attended Multisport event in New Mexico. NM's fastest racers show to this event. Many call this race the NM championships.

The Jay Benson is one of the 30 or so races in the South West Challenge Series. This Sunday's race will be my 7th race of the 2009 SW series. As of now I am ranked first place Clydesdale with 59 points & 6 races. 2nd place is Alex Garcia with 33 points & 4 races. 3rd place is Jason McClure with 26 points & 3 races. With almost 20 races left in the series it's hard to say if I'll be able to keep my lead. But I'll give it my all.

Thanks for tuning in.

May 02, 2009

The Redman Half Iron!

My training hasn't been going well this year. By far the least motivated & the least amount of training I've done since starting training for triathlons in 2005. Surprisingly my weight has stayed consistent, higher than I'd like, but consistent. Mid-high 220's.

I started training for sprint distance triathlons (400 meter swim, 12.5 mile bike, 3.2 mile run) last year after Ironman Arizona. I chose to do that because sprints are my favorite distance to race at. I have been shocked to find out that although sprints are my favorite distance to race at half irons are by far my favorite distance to train for. Iron training was in my opinion a bit to much time spent training to really be enjoyable. At my peak training last year I was training 19 hours a week. On Sundays I'd do a 6 hour bike with a 45 min run, then Monday morning I'd do a run from 3-3.5 hrs long. So full Ironman training was to long and monotonous, yet training for anything shorter than the half iron distance leaves me feeling unsatisfied, which was why a couple days ago I was surfing some half iron web sites.

Last year I found a series called the Halfmax & ultramax. They are the same distances as Ironman & 70.3 (half iron), but this new series has Clydesdale & Athena divisions which Ironman & 70.3 no longer has. The minute I found that series on the web I decided that the Halfmax national championships was one of my eventual goals. A person would have to qualify for the Halfmax national championships. At the time I'd found the max series on the web I was weighing less than 200 pounds & I needed to qualify as an AG 30-34. Time needed to qualify- 5hrs 05 minutes! That is VERY fast indeed. An entire half an hour faster than my PR.

Well a couple days ago I saw that the Clydesdale qualifying time is 5:35. I am a Clydesdale now! I had finished the 5430 half Iron in 5:35 late last year as a tune up race for IMAZ. So that means I DID qualify for the Halfmax national championships!!! I was so excited I emailed the all my friends & the RD to let everyone know I'd be racing at the championships which will be held in Sept in Oklahoma city! The race that the event will be held at is called the Redman Half Iron.

I was nervous about emailing my coach & asking him to rebuild my plan for the 2nd time in 4 months. Coaches don't like their athletes to change A races. I did this in February when I decided to not race at the dessert classic duathlon, & here I am doing it again 6 weeks before my current A race of the Milkman triathlon in Dexter NM.

My coaches response was amazing. He was supportive & as pumped up as I was about me qualifying & competing in this years Halfmax national championships.

So once again I'm back to training long, & I've changed my A race once again. I believe that going back to training for the longer distances will help control my weight too. That's important because in endurance athletics skinny isn't a body type, it's a tactical necessity!

Last September at the 5430 I was weighing 210 when I busted out with a 5hr 35 minute time. I believe I need to be at LEAST that light to match my 5:35 time. Hopefully I'll be lighter.

Current weight is 227 with four and a half months until the Redman Halfmax national championships!!!!

Wish me luck Peeps! & thanks for tuning in!

May 01, 2009

2009 Atomicman duathlon race report

This last weekend was the Atomicman duathlon. A 4K run, 15k bike, 4k run. This is my second favorite race of all time. The only race I've done that I enjoyed more was the 5430 half iron.

This was my 4th year in a row doing this race. Last year I busted out with one of my top three performances finishing 1st place AG 30-34 & 9th place overall in a time of 1hr 9 minutes.

This years race was bitter sweet. I started out the run chasing a guy who looked like a fellow Clyd, only he was tall & lean. I was struggling right off the bat. I never felt tired, much less exhausted. But I just couldn't force my legs to go as fast as I wanted them to. I finished the first 4k averaging a little over 8 minutes per mile.

The Clyd I was chasing had at least a 60 second lead going into T-1. Coming out of T-1 his lead had shrunk to about 20 seconds.

Right out of T-1 there's a long and gradual hill. At my current weight I'm not a very good hill climber, but I had put on an 11-28 cassette to help me out on the uphill & make up time on the downhill. That plan worked well. I'd lose the Clyd I was chasing on the uphill, but make up a ton of time on the downhills.

This course is a very mountainous course on both the runs & the bike. But the bike in particular is brutal. The ride is in & out of these huge canyons. I was constantly riding around the 40 mile an hour mark on the downhill of those canyons. At one point of a fast decent a cross wind hit hard & out of no-where. I came dang close to wiping out. The good news is at forty miles an hour I wouldn't of felt much pain. I'd of been knocked into unconsciousness or killed immediately.

The last decent on the bike was about 3/4 of a mile long and came right up to T-2. Most people slowed down a lot coming down that last hill. I didn't. I kept the speed up until the last second. Dismounted & made up another 20 seconds on the guy I'd been chasing all day. Now I was only 40 yards behind him & my legs still felt fresh.

Apparently his legs felt pretty good too because he averaged just over 6 minute miles on the last run. I was able to keep my 2nd run of the day within a minute of my first run. It's not that I am a grwat pacer, it's that I still have great endurance from my Ironman a few months ago & am able to hammer all out without my legs getting fatigued.

Thankfully the Clyd I was chasing wasn't a Clyd at all, he ended up being an AG 35-39. I finished in 1hr 14 minutes & first place Clyd. I finished a little over 2 minutes faster than the next Clyd. Despite being 8 minutes slower than last year, I still added another year to my unbeaten streak at this race. 4 years in a row I've finished the top of my division. All in all a decent day at a fantastic race!