October 06, 2008

On the up & up

I haven't blogged for awhile. Usually when I don't write in my blog it's because things have fallen apart in one form or another. I'm usually an optimistic person. So when I'm doing well, or planning on doing well I'll blog to share the excitement. I wasn't doing well. But I'm back on track now.

In early Sept I wrecked my new Cannondale carbon slice triathlon bike. I still haven't gotten it back from the bike shop yet. How long does it take to order & put on a new fork? Somehow I doubt it takes an entire month.
After the wreck I missed about a week of training while healing up the nicks & bruises. A couple days before I was ready to train again I got sick It was just a flue. But dang this was a kicker! On average I only get sick about once a year. It's usually a stomach virus, & it's usually during a big training block. Other than that one stomach virus a year I don't usually catch anything at all. As a matter of a fact I believe it's been almost 4 years since I got the flue. This one made up for it. I was down & out! It stuck around for a good 3 weeks. I missed another one & a half weeks training from sickness. Total time training lost was 2.5 weeks.

Late August I started to get depressed. That's very unusual for me. I don't get down in the dumps very often. I suppose because I'm always expecting things to get better, & since I'm always looking foreword to what tomorrow may bring, that by the time I realize I'm depressed I'm usually pretty deep into it. Last week I was having a hard time even getting out of bed. I'd missed more workouts this month than in any month in 5 years of me training for triathlon.

Some of the reasons for my emotional state was me missing my Dad who died in July.

Worry over my Mom, who isn't handling his death well. She tends to dive head first into projects, keeping herself busy enough that she won't have time to feel, much less heal. Which explained her heart attack in July.

My biggest reason for my emotional downer was that I've been missing my 2 children. I've been working 72-86 hrs a week since last Oct when my wife quite her job to be a stay at home Mom. I went from having 3 days at home with my babies while my wife was at work to only seeing them a couple hrs a day between shifts. That's been hard. Really hard. In the last year I've watched my daughter go from a complete Daddy's girl to wanting her Mom most of the time. That's understandable considering my wife is now there all of the time to give her the love & attention she needs. I'd do anything to go back to the way things were with my children. But to do that I'd have to break my wife's heart by having her go back to work again. One of the steps I've decided to do to help our financial situation is something I have been avoiding for 13 years of me working here at the new Mexico state Penitentiary. I'm going to put in for Sergeant. Call me content or complacent. Same thing I suppose. But I've always enjoyed my job so much that I didn't want to promote in fear that I'd end up hating my job like most every other person I've ever known. Given the choice between being content with my job or more time with my babies I'll choose more time with my children.

Now for the good news. My wife & I paid off our house last month so that means I can work a little less. Instead of working 70-80 hrs a week I'll only have to work 60 hrs a week to make our minimum bills. That's more time home with my kids, not as much as I'd like. But I'll take what I can get.

Since July I've gained 29 pounds. I went from a fast & slim 188 back up to a 217 pound Clydesdale. Jeez, it took a lot of effort to get from 257 last Nov to 188 this June. Half of that work on weight loss disappeared in 3 months time. Very disappointing. In June I had a 6 pack. No 6 pack now that's for sure.

My coach Pete Alfino wrote me an email a couple weeks ago. I wish I'd of kept it because it was very insightful. To sum it up he said I am way to hard on myself when things start to slip a little in training. I thought about what he said & I had a realization. During every build phase I've done just before my years "A" race I've gained between 30-50 pounds. Every time I start getting close to an A race I beat myself up if I miss a workout, or have a bad day training. When I get stressed I turn to food. When I turn to food I get pissed because I know I'm putting my A race in jeopardy by gaining weight. In turn the weight gain pisses me off and I turn to food to find temporary comfort. It had been a big snowball effect. That snow ball is the reason that after 5 years of training & 2 failed attempts I'm still not an Ironman.

I know, I know. I should of realized this pattern awhile ago. Not sure why I didn't see the pattern before. But regardless, I now know. I believe knowing what was happening & why will help me deal with this in the future. Perhaps I won't be able to completely stop the weight gain during every build phase. But I'd be willing to bet this knowledge will help slow the fat tide dramatically.

Since this realization my attitude has completely turned around. Since my attitude about working out has gotten better my workouts have gotten better again too. I've not gained weight this week for the first time since June.

So now I can start spending a little more time with my children & my triathlon training has gotten back on track. Things are better. Now if I could just get my triathlon bike back from Bike World in Albuquerque.

Thanks for being a part of my gripe fest. If you don't hear from me on my blog in the next couple weeks you'll know this turn for the good didn't continue. Hopefully I'll post again soon. Peace! I'm out.


Power Up Love said...

I read your profile. I see you also love Jesus, and you have struggles just like everyone else. This life is not easy I agree, but remember, when we draw near to God he draws near to us.

I invite you to share your story, struggles, or testimonies at PowerUpLove.com their are other people going through similar things an it encourages them to know they're not alone.

I'll pray for you Cody, and I know if you stick to him, He will stick with you through it all...

I found this on a blog the other day, and I'll share with you;

Ten Ways To Be Unhappy ---- By Neil Eskelin

1. Make little things bother you. Don’t just let them…make them!

2. Lose your perspective on things and keep it lost: don’t put first things first.

3. Find yourself a good worry, one about which you cannot do anything.

4. Be a perfectionist, which means not that you work hard to do your best, but that you condemn yourself and others for not achieving perfection.

5. Be right. Be always right. Be the only one who is always right, and be rigid in your rightness.

6. Don’t trust or believe people, or accept them at anything but their worst and weakest.

7. Be suspicious. Insist that others always have hidden motives.

8. Always compare yourself unfavorably to others. This guarantees instant misery.

9. Take personally everything that happens to you.

10. Don’t give yourself whole-heartedly to anyone or anything.

Now, Go Create a “Positive” Happy List Using God’s Word As Your Guide.

SWTrigal said...

Cody -have been thinking of you! I sent you an email but just wanted to say hang in there! There are alot of tri-buddies who care about you..

S. Baboo said...

Just hold steady between now and IMAZ Cody, if you lose weight great but if you don't that's fine too just focus in on your training. A strong Clydesdale is faster than a weakened age grouper at 190 or so pounds.

Remember, we have a race, you and I, and I expect it to be a real competition!

Duane said...

And I will be there to see you cross that finish line! Dont beat yourself up or I will beat you up! :-)

TJ Waufle said...

Hey Cody,

I guess my stalking didn't help any eh? :~) I'm praying for you my friend and I'm real glad you are going to try and spend more time with the fam! I will pray that God opens a door for this to happen. Do you still have my email or did you lose it in the crash? Any time you need prayer you can email me and I will pray for you. We should do a ride some time when you can go slow and short.

skoshi said...

Sheesh, Cody--stop being so hard on yourself! You have made so many accomplishments even in just the few years that I've known you. If you take the collective accomplishments, and weigh them against the occasional set back, the accomplishments win, hands down!
Sounds like you are back on track, and it's good to hear it.
Have fun and good luck with your IMAZ training. :)

Chris said...

Hey Cody. Just a quick note to leet you know that you have been in my thoughts and prayeres lately. I can relate to your struggles! HOwever, man you have come so far and grown so strong that getting back on track will be even easier for you.

Congrats on paying off your house! AWESOME!!

rebecca hallin said...

hang in there! You will get throught these tough times! I am pulling for you!!!

Iron "GeekGirl" Misty said...

It seems a shame that you don't get as much time as you can with the kids, but I'm sure they'll still be there when you're able to work less. cody, you're an emotional eater. Find something to replace the eating with!