March 16, 2015

I'm a flake and OCD both

I used to drive my old triathlon coach Pete Alfino nuts. I'd set a goal to compete at a race and a couple months into training for it i'd get the itch and want to change my goal. And here i am contemplating changing my goal again.  Since December I'd been gradually losing weight. My goal was to get to the 105k weight class. Although i was still gaining strength as i was losing weight, I'm not gaining as much as I do when I'm not trying to lose weight. So now of course I'm attempting to  justify staying at current weight. There's no doubt I'd look better if i lost weight. I'm sure I'd also feel better about myself at a lighter weight. But if i stay my current weight I'll be stronger for Olympic style weightlifting. And i REALLY LOVE Olympic style weightlifting! I'm even better at weightlifting than i was at triathlon, and i ended up being a highly decorated triathlete. I also have a really legitimate fear of getting obsessed with weight loss. I have a tendency to get a little out of control with sports and food. I found a picture of when i was a hard core triathlete. I was to thin and absolutely not eating enough.
And here's one of me now. 
I'd love to lose 80-90 pounds, but I'm afraid of going off the deep end with my eating again. 
What to do? What to do? 

1 comment:

Mona Malec said...

Balance? HA...what's that.

It's a struggle for me too...I love moving the heavy stuff and I know I move more when I am a bit bigger.

Looks are looks...ugh who cares...feel good and DO...DO.

I know, so much easier said than done.