acceptance

Since taking on the Total Money Makeover I've been working allot of hours. Since starting to work this much I've been unable to heal well from my training, I've been getting sick a lot, and I've been struggling horribly with my weight; I weigh over 200 pounds again, I'm a Clydesdale again for the 1st time in over 2 years, and that makes me very very disgruntled. I don't mind working this much because I'm changing my wife and kids future for the better, but I've realized I need to rearrange some things to make this a little less difficult on me. If I try to do everything perfectly all the time I'll never be able to do anything well. That's where I've been recently. I'm struggling to find enough time to sleep, finding enough time to spend with my wife and kids, struggling with my weight, I'm getting ill frequently, missing a lot of workouts, and not healing from my training.

I've decided I need to take some stress and pressure out of my life. I've been praying to try to have the serenity to accept the things I can not change, to have the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I've been stressing myself out about my weight gain. I've been trying to drop back down to 175 pounds and it has not been going well. Rather than continue to beat myself up about my weight gain I'm going to try and maintain my current weight. I'd be happier if I was lighter, but I'm really unhappy with myself when I keep trying to force myself to diet and fail, diet and fail, diet and fail. I raced for years as a Clydesdale and enjoyed myself, there's no reason I shouldn't accept myself exactly as I am now. There's no reason for me to make myself as miserable as I have been about my weight. I may be a little slower at this weight, but I'm still in the healthy range, and I'm still a God fearing christian who is a good husband and father.

I've also decided to start training a little less and lower the intensity of my workouts. I haven't been healing well and I've been chronically over trained. I keep missing workouts due to fatigue and illness, I've always heard that it's better to go into a race a little under trained than a little over trained. I'm going to test that theory. The extra time I have will help bring a little more balance and health into my life. More importantly I believe God has been trying to get me to make these changes in my life for awhile. If it's God will I should listen. He is perfect after all.

God, please help me accept your will over mine, and to figure out what your will is for me, in Jesus name I pray. Amen