September 03, 2014

a rough but healing time

It was a rough week last week. We knew something was wrong with my 7 year olds sleeping. We'd gone to the Dr every few months since he was little. The Dr always sent us away and told us everything was fine. I finally demanded to have my son seen by an ear nose and throat Dr.. As soon as the Ear Nose and Throat  DR saw him he said he has a level 4 airways obstruction in his throat, and the obstruction was probably to blame for his difficulty learning, emotional out bursts, irritability, etc. So on Thursday I found out my 7 year old son is going to have his tonsils and adenoids removed. At first that sounded horrible to me. But it's supposed to be an easy surgery and all the medical people who know about these things say this will turn his life into something so much easier and happier.

On Friday night I came down with a horrible illness. By Tuesday I wasn't better, went to the Dr's and found out I had strep. For 6 days I've been stuck at the house, bored, unable to train. I was supposed to take the family out to dinner on Saturday (we're on a strict budget, we don't get to eat out much)and camping on Sunday and Monday. we missed both. This sucks. Hopefully I'm going back to work on Wed night.

On a good note I think I've finally come to peace with my Dad not wanting to be a  part of my life. I'm not 100% certain where this peace in my heart came from but I think it's because I asked for my church group to pray for our relationship to get better. Our relationship didn't improve but my heart healed rather unexpectedly.

So back to my Dad. I've come to think each person sees others not as those people are, but as they would be themselves. For example my 2nd step dad thought I liked to have so many pets because I was a control freak. I was shocked and confused when I heard that. I've always had so many pets because I'm a nurturing and paternal person. He saw things incorrectly because he saw me not as I am, but as he would have seen himself. So now with that tid bit of information I realized that I was seeing my Dad's relationship the way I think. To me, there's nothing that means more to me than each one of my kids. I assumed all dad's felt the same way deep down inside them. And if he felt that way then he must think I'm a horrible person for him to not care about me enough to call me more than a couple times a year. Well now I've realized him wanting to have minimal contact with me isn't a problem he has with me, it's just because he's different then me. He has different priorities than me.... And now I've healed from 26 years of guilt and shame. It feels good.

1 comment:

Mona Malec said...

beautiful coming to terms with who your dad is vs. who you are...really beautiful.

So happy you found a solution to your son's sleep issues! It's gonna be great!