midlife crisis, depression, and brain injuries

The last year and a half I've been burnt with triathlons. I'm no longer obsessed. No longer driven beyond all reason. Now that I look back at all the time spent cycling, running, swimming, racing, and the tens of thousands of dollars I spent on traveling, hotels, equipment, and race entries I realize triathlon was my midlife crisis. In some ways my family and I got off easy compared to other men. My family is still together, thriving actually. There's been no infidelities. Even at the peak of my obsession my wife and kids were still my #1 priority. But in other ways I feel like I'm in a worse place than the other men who had the same life altering temporary retardation. It appears to me like the men who go through a mid life crisis come out of it having learned a lot about themselves. I didn't seem to have gained the same emotional maturity. I feel lost. Depressed. When I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself. When I look in the mirror this is who I expect to see:

The muscular weight lifter,

or the skinny endurance athlete,

Below is who I actually see. This is what I look like now. Fat, bald, unhappy with myself. I mean seriously, how can my lovely wife enjoy being with someone who looks like this? I'm disgusting!

In the last couple weeks I've come to realize that my depressed state has nothing to do with me losing interest in triathlon. This depression has been here since I got ran over by a vehicle while cycling back in Sept 2011. I suffered a traumatic brain injury. Once or twice a month I still get depressed for a week or two. During that time the only thing I find that can make me feel half way normal is eating. I cant find the energy to workout or to be sociable. After a week or two I feel normal again but the depression always comes back. I still lose things and get lost. Conversation and connecting with people is hard for me now. It's like there's a flow that everyone can see and follows while communicating, I cant find it, much less follow it. I'm awkward to be around. I say things that don't fit what everyone else is talking about. Consequently I don't associate with others as much as I used to. When I do I've learned to try and keep my mouth shut to avoid the all too common awkward moments that seem to happen every time I open my mouth. Consequently I'm lonely. I'm still frequently depressed. I often times cant remember how to do things I used to be able to, such as my job; which is scary because I work in a prison and peoples lives are in my hands.

Things have improved since the accident. The first 9 months after the accident I didn't want to be around anyone EVER! Not even my wife and kids. Now I want to be around them, I'm just a social buffoon. I was easily angered, constantly depressed, all I could think about was suicide.Although I'm not that bad now I still don't feel like myself. Will I ever go back to the person I was before? I miss that person. So does my friends and family. I have an appointment with my primary doctor on May 8th. I've brought these problems up to him before and he's dismissed them saying, "it takes time for the brain to recover", or, "you might not ever get those things back." I've done some research and have found that there is help for people who suffer from brain injuries. I'm not leaving my doctors office until he refers me to a specialist who can help me, because I'm finally willing to admit that I need help.