The end of a crappy day

Today was one of those dreaded crappy days. When I was packing for my race I couldn't find allot of my race gear. I do allot of races every year, usually around 12-18. So I've mastered the art of packing for a race. It usually takes me about 45 minutes. Today I couldn't allot of my gear so it took me 3 hrs. 3 hrs of packing after having to cut my days sleep short in order to get all the things I had scheduled to get done today. So after I finish getting all my things ready to go I take my bike on one last short ride to make sure the race wheels I put on for my race are performing well, and the drive train is shifting well. Well, it wasn't shifting well at all. I couldn't get my rear derailleur to shift into my highest gear. I spent an hour and a half adjusting, riding a few feet to see if it's working, getting off again to adjust, riding long enough to see it's not. Etc, etc. Finally at 5pm I realize something is up, and I wasn't going to be able to fix it. The bike shop is 20 minutes away, and they close at 6. I can't have it fixed tomorrow because I leave for Co. at 6am! On top of that I was supposed to be in to work at 6pm. On the way to the bike shop I had to call in sick to work. So there I am using 12 hrs sick leave that I'll need soon because I just found out my favorite aunt has a rare form of cancer. Aunt Leah has been like a 2nd Mom to me. I used to spend my summers with her & her family. Those summers were especially wonderful for me because I was raised in an abusive household. Those summers were the only times growing up I really ever felt safe. Consequently she has a VERY special place in my heart. To make that an even more sensitive situation my Aunt Jackie died of cancer less than one year ago. My Grandmther is a wreck because her 2nd daughter is gotten cancer in so short of a time frame.



The way the state Penns pay system works is we get time and a half pay for overtime, but if we call in sick, however many hrs sick leave we use, that many hrs OT turns to straight time. So because I called in sick I have lost my family $96. That's allot when I am the sole provider for 2 adults, a toddler, and a new born.



When I get to the bike shop I run in with my bike and tell one of the salesmen that I'm about to have an emotional beak down, I have a race I'm leaving for tomorrow morning and my bikes not working. The salesman says he'll see if one of the bike tech's would be willing to stay late to fix it. The first 3 of the 4 say no. The fourth says ok. He fixes it perfectly. But while doing so he also adjusted the Aero bars and bull horns so my bike is in a better riding style. At first i freak out about this, but when he sets the bike up on an indoor trainer and says try it, I realize it was perfect! I'd never felt so good in my Aero's. But still, I know no one is EVER supposed to make adjustments to their bike before a big race. And the Clydesdale long course championships are 2 days away. Well, I can just be optimistic and hope it actually makes me faster, not hurt me.



Now to the good news. The guy at the bike shop saw how grateful I was, he worked on my bike for an hour, well past closing time. He said he knew what panic feels like when something like this comes up before a big race. He said he was glad to be able to help, and that he doesn't want to charge me anything at all, but his boss would have his tail. So he only charged my $12.50. I tried to give him a tip. But he steadfastly refused.



So then I get home, my wife is there waiting for me. I tell her I had to call in sick at work because of the situation with my bike. I'm ready for a butt chewing because I just lost us almost $100 when we really need it.... It never came. All she cared about was if I got the bike thing worked out. Dang it I have a great wife! The way she handled that situation seemed to lift so much offthe days stress of my shoulders. I don't know why I was expecting her to be upset. I've never really seen her get upset at me. All she ever does is give me her unconditional support. She is TRULY a gift from God!



Once I got home I was still stressed. I felt better because my wife was so understanding and supportive. But I was still stressed. When I get stressed I, like allot of people, turn to something that makes them feel better. For some it's alcohol, or drugs. For me it's food. I find comfort in food, not sure why, but that's what I have always turned to when I'm sad, stressed, overly tired, or even exceedingly happy. The more emotional I get, the more I'll eat, the more I eat the more guilty I feel because I don't like the way I look or feel. The worse I feel about having just over eaten, the more I eat to rid the feelings of guilt of over eating. I'm over weight, and a triathlete. Not 2 things that fit well together. But something great happened recently. A fellow triathlete who has been following my blog saw some of the signs of eating for comfort. Turns out he does too. He reached out to me and offered to be my sponsor. Basically that means he's been giving me some advise on how this food issue affects us, and ways of dealing with this. He also said in times of stress when I want to start binging on food, I could call him, no matter what time it is. So when I got home and went straight for the refrigerator, I stopped and decided I'd try calling him. We never talked about food during that conversation, we simply chatted casually. I brought up some of the crap that had happened with my bike that day and laughed it off like it wasn't a big deal. Never really brought up all the other stress of the day. We mostly talked about our triathlon goals, and how we were going to accomplish them. Again, we never talked about food, but by the time I got off the phone I was ready to eat a reasonable sized, healthy meal. I ate healthy, and in reasonable portions! I know it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I didn't over eat on one meal. Big deal. But with me, one meal starts me feeling crappy because I realize I'm now one step farther away from my ultimate goal of looking like a triathlete, not just being one. So then I eat to make myself feel better. It's not uncommon for me to start an avalanche, that by the time I am able to stop it I have packed on 20+ lbs in a couple of weeks! No exaggeration at all. Over 20 lbs in less than two weeks... Happens to me all the time. But not this time, because of an outstanding person, my sponsor, who showed up in my life unexpectedly. The only people who read my blog are my triathlon team mates, and strangers. But while surfing this blog world I have seen how supportive everyone always is. So that's why I chose to share my weakness today. This is actually the first time I've let anyone know other than my wife, my sponsor, and couch-potatoe-to-ironman. Felt pretty dang liberating to stop hiding it.



Tonight was a real treat because I have been working nights for 2 months now, so I don't get to sleep at the same time as my wife. When I get home from work she's usually getting up to take care of our little ones. I usually am a very deep sleeper. But tonight I just laid there most of the night unable to sleep because I'm used to working at nights. I tried to be as still as possible so my wife could sleep well. Twice during the night I felt my wife lean over to me and kiss the back of my head. I would never of felt her kiss me on most nights because of how deeply I sleep. And I realized she wasn't doing it because she wanted to show me some attention, she thought I was asleep. She did it simply because we are in love, and she was grateful I was home for the night even if it did mean I was losing my family money.



Life can dang good sometimes you know?