During the warm up I felt very okut of place so i did warm ups behind everyone else in the hope that no one will notice me. Finally we start lifting. I grab a rack in the far corner. I'm trying the "out of sight out of mind" approach. And just my luck, the person who's in the best shape and is the most beautiful in the entire gym sets up right behind me.
She's also strong as heck, she was lifting as much as I am the entire workout. I'm feeling a little inadequate. To make myself feel better I say to myself, "you're an olympic style weightlifter. Let's show all these beautiful people what great weightlifting form looks like." And I do. My form was really good last night.
As I'm lifting I'm trying to not breath heavily. I'm already imbarrassed by being three times the size of everyone else. I don't want to make it even more obvious that I'm out of shape by gasping for breath in between sets. A little over half way through the workout, I'm adding more weight to the bar and I inhale a bug. I immediately cough and then my cough turns into dry heaving! I'm gagging because I have an insect wiggling around in my lungs, but no one else knows why. I'm sure it appeared that I was dry heaving because I'm in such bad shape. I was hoping she didn't notice. So inbetween dry heaves I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see if she saw me gagging and making a fool out of myself. And she did. She was staring at me with a look of concern on her face. I was so imbarrassed. But, regardless of the humiliation I'll be back on Thursday night. Hopefully this time I won't make an ass out of myself.
2 comments:
oh o oh these kinds of days are so hard.
No matter how often people say, "only compete against yourself." I still ALWAYS compare....I try not to...but I compare; not when I am strong, but when I am insecure.
I feel you my friend.
I was swimming the other day and this little girl lapped me twice, there was nothing I could do about it... but I don't think she even know i was there. (maybe if I had started to drown she would have noticed that I was swimming next to her)
so I know what you mean... but lets hope it makes you a better weightlifter
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