Diet motivation & work update

At church on Sunday a great sermon was preached by an elder while our Pastor is hunting with his eldest children. It was an outstanding sermon. I really love my church.

That Sunday was what I call "a bad day". I was out of control with my eating. I had a McDonald's breakfast, nothing good ever comes from the golden arches. During the sermon I was thinking about what I was going to eat before I went to sleep (I work nights, sleep at day). My food fantasies was interrupted by a fellow church member coming up to me & sharing with me that she hadn't had any candy in over a week! This same fellow Christian told me a couple weeks ago that she had found my blog & had felt my pain about dieting. She said she too has been struggling with her weight & that she found occasional motivation & support from reading my blog. I was speechless and touched. For someone to tell me my blog was helping them in their life even a little bit felt great. When I blog I do it as a way to express myself, as a stress relief, & sometimes even to brag a little;) To find out that my blog helped another was wonderful. To wonderful to put into words.

But back to how this time she helped me. As I'd said, I was having a bad diet day. My bad diet days are not what a person without an eating disorder could really understand. Overeating only partially explains what is happening to someone with my problem. The eating is only part of the problem. It's an addiction. Even when I'm full & couldn't eat another bite I'm only thinking of what other kind of a fix I could get, where, & how quickly. What would hit the spot, or fulfill my craving. No matter what I put in my mouth I don't feel the satisfaction most people get. Obsessed is the only word I can think of that can explain the deep rooted desire. I get truly obsessed about what I will eat, what would taste great right now, how much I'll have of each food, in what combinations, and so forth. Once I get into my overeating mode it's very very hard to get out of it. It would be humiliating to have someone see what I an doing so when I become enthralled in my food lusts I isolate myself from everyone. I'll sneak food into the bathroom or somewhere I can eat without being embarrassed or, even worse interrupted or made to slow down. I'll tell my wife or whomever I'm around I'm going to do some chores & I'll hit multiple places to eat. I'll get my favorite foods from each place I stop or drive through. I tried to explain this to my best buddy one time & he told me next time that I want to do that just stop! If I could stop during one of my episodes, I would because I really despise myself when I'm stuck in a binge. There's rarely anything that can stop or slow down one of my episodes. But that morning my fellow church member did just that. I'd be lying to say I stopped it all together. But she inadvertently was able to get me to minimize it quite a bit. Still had a lot of calories. But it was a FRACTION of what I would of done if it wasn't for her sharing with me her accomplishment & the high five she gave me. God helped me through her that day.

I put in for Sergeant at work like I had said I was going to. I don't really want the promotion because I love the position I'm in right now, & to be honest I'm secretly hoping I won't get it. I'm hoping there will be more highly qualified people putting in for it. The list of people putting in for the position is good for 12 months. So any Sergeant spots that open up here at the State Penitentiary for 1 year will be filled with the highest scoring person left on the list. The last 2 times this position was opened the list was completely exhausted. The most recent time, if I would have put in for Sergeant I would of been #2 in seniority. The good news is this time there are 5 people with more seniority than me! The bad news is there are already 8 Sergeant positions available. Immediately after the first round of Sergeant promotions the Penitentiary will be promoting any Sergeants who qualify for the Lieutenant spot, which opens up even more Sergeant positions. There are also quite a few Sergeants & Lieutenants who will be retiring in the next 12 months, which you guessed it, opens up even more spots!I know it sounds ridiculous that I'm putting in for a promotion & hoping I wont get it. It boils down to there being a lot more reasons to get the higher rank than to stay where I am. There's only one reason to stay where I am right now. 2 if you include complacency. The other is simply that I like my current post & position. The reasons to take the promotion is longer. I'll just list the major ones to make it easier reading.
1) If I make Sergeant I'll be back in the cell blocks & will have more opportunities to share Gods word with some people in much need of it.
2) I'll have to work less overtime to make the same amount of pay, so I'll have more time at home with my children
3) I only have 8 years left at the State Penitentiary before I can retire. But I'll have a higher pay grade in retirement for the rest of my life if I take the promotion.

Well, the written & oral board will be conducted in January or February. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck, or bad luck. I'd be happy to have either one;)

One thing I have learned from today's post, even after 13 years I still can't spell Penitentiary. Thank goodness for spell check;)