UFC 207 and retirement from the prison

Last night was UFC 207. Rousey's return. My wife and I hosted a fight party at our house. A few of my wife's high school friends and her brother showed up. Not one person I invited showed. I really love my new job here. I have a great nutrition coach who lives in the city. Most importantly I have one of the top weightlifting coaches in the nation. But I worked at the prison since I got out of high school. I lived on prison grounds. All my friends were fellow prison guards. My entire life was there. Albuquerque has a lot of potential. But I'm home sick. I miss the camaraderie of the prison. I miss feeling needed. I miss the feeling of belonging. But mostly I miss my friends. So far I think retirement from the prison kind of sucks.

a new protein supplament

On my days off of work I've been doing yard work. I'm taking %100 of the money and putting it in my kids college fund. While working on a ladies yard  a few weeks ago she came out and said she works for a company that makes protein supplaments and she gave me a bag full of samples and a shaker cup. The protein is called Garden of life. It's probably the best tasting protein I've ever tasted in my life. I've been taking it as a post workout supplament. I have no clue if it works or if it's a decent product for weightlifters, but it sure tastes good, and it was FREE!

https://www.gardenoflife.com/content/product/why-choose-raw-protein-and-greens/

I really didn't want to move to Albuquerque adter I retired from the prison. The crime here is unbelievable. Friday night someone stole my 1996 Chevrolet Suburban from my driveway. Thankfully I found it Sunday evening. It cost $850 to repair the damage the thieves caused.

I'm the newest employee at my new job. So consequently I'm always the first one to get called in for the worst duties and posts. My schedule has been chaotic. I'm constantly getting called by my Captain and told, "you need to report to duty at- fill in the blank- in two hours." Because of that I'm having to text or call my weightlifting coach and cancel my training with him and request him to text me a workout on short notice. I think it's starting to piss him off. I'm getting worried he's going to drop me as a client.

mammogram for men

Today was the first apointment ive had with my new primary care Dr. He was concerned about a  lump in my chest. He had me make an appointment for a breast ultrasound and a diagnostic mammogram. I feel very imbarrassed and emasculated. But mostly I feel pissed off. I'm a dude getting a breast ultrasound and a diagnostic mammogram. Sounds like a bad joke. You never hear of a female running tests for lumps on her testicles. Don't gotta worry about that because they don't have any. I don't have breasts. I don't even have man boobs, but somehow I'm still the guy who has to get a mammogram. The appointment is for July 14th.

Forgive me for sounding fatalistic, but the average life span for a correctional officer after retiring from a prison is less than three years. I worked at the penitentiary of New Mexico for 21 years, I retired a little over two months ago. Correctional officers have the lowest life expectancy for any profession, including cops and firefighters. I can't help but feel anger and resentment for the 9 years I was forced to work 80-90 hours a week in that hell hole. I knew working that many hours was bad for me. I was constantly exhausted and felt like shit for years. I knew what it was doing to my body. I even warned the person who was responsible for me working that many hours that if I continue to do this I won't live to see my 50th birthday. Fucking shit. I'm angry as hell. And resentful. But I'm also kind of relieved. I've always been great at avoiding drama and never making decisions that are life wrecking. But since 2007 I've been forced into one fucked up situation after another. I'm tired of having to work so many hours and stress so much to clean up other people's bad decisions. At least tonight I have weightlifting. Weightlifting always makes me feel better.

working two jobs

May 1st will be my last day working at the prison, then i retire. Saturday was my first day of training for my new job. I'm attending training for my new career on my days off and in between shift of the prison. Between the penitentiary and my new job I'll be working 68 hours from Monday to Friday, plus 7 1/2 hours of drive time. Busy and exciting times.

My new career I'll be security for the federal buildings. I'll be spending the majority of my day walking or standing. It hurts being on my feet that many hours a day being as heavy as I am now. I need to lose some weight.

retiring from corrections

I've worked at the penitentiary of New Mexico for the last 21 years.  I'm working on retiring. The only thing left to do for me to retire is sell my home on prison property.

I know. I've posted on my blog that I'm retiring multiple times. I'm just so excited it feels surreal. The more I talk about it to my my friends and family the more believable and less scary it is. So, here it is one more time: once I sell my mobile home on prison grounds I'm retiring. Holly crap! I'm retiring!

I've been taking a lot of vacation time the last couple months. There's one thing I know for sure. I may retire from one career, but I'll never stop working. I hate being home alone all day. I love to work. It gives me a feeling of belonging. I'd rather be stuck at the prison another two decades getting piss and shit coctails thrown in my face by angry inmates than be fully retired staying at home twiddling my thumbs.

moving, retiring, and change

I really hate change. I'm like an old person in that way. That's probably my best and worst personal trait. It makes me loyal, but it also makes me a huge pain in the butt. There's a massive amount of change coming in my near future. We're buying a new home. We'll be selling a place I love and have lived happily for the last 13 years. We'll be moving to a city I don't like much, Albuquerque NM. I'll be retiring from the prison I've worked at and loved for 21 years. I'll be getting another job with potentially better pay, but still it's.... change..... I'm a wreck right now.

I've been struggling with weightlifting for a couple months. I should be lifting a lot more than I am. My speed and strength have increased a ton, but the weights I'm lifting haven't increased. The problem is my form. I've been frustrated enough that I've been contemplating switching to powerlifting. The only things that had stopped me from changing sports was that olympic weightlifting has one of the lowest injury rates of all sports, powerlifting's injury rate is pretty high; I felt I was on the verge of getting some pretty big numbers before getting in my slump; I recently lifted a 100k snatch. That's a pretty good lift for someone in their 40's. I'm like %75 certain I'll stick with weightlifting., try to work my way out of this slump.

Once i move to Albuquerque it'll be a two hour round trip drive to the Miller Gym. Add a two hour long workout, that's 4 hours, four times a week to train. The Miller Gym is worth it. Coach Shane Miller is one of the best programmers in the nation. And I love the people I lift with. I feel a tremendous amount of camaraderie with them. It's rare to find such a close knit team. I'm going to try like hell to continue to train there. I'm hoping I'll be able to adjust my schedule to fit 4 hours of training and driving everyother day after work, but with 3 kids involved in sports after school, and my wife working full time while taking 14 credit hours of college classes in the evenings, I'm not sure how I'll be able to. Change sucks.

houses, retirement, hunger, and weight loss

This weekend my wife and I placed a bid on a house. We'll find out today the sellers response. Unfortunately the house in in Albuquerque. I hate Albuquerque. But my wife loves it there,  and I want to make her happy. If the bid is accepted, the next step is to sell the trailer at the prison, then retire. I can't believe I may be leaving the prison. This place and the people working here have always been the one constantly in my life. It's been my security blanket. I'm sure it sounds ridiculous, but the prison is the one place I've always been accepted and appreciated, it was the first place I've ever felt like was home, the closest thing in my life to family was the the staff at the prison. I'm scared to death to leave.

I had told my sports nutrition coach I was really hungry last week. He told me that my body would adjust to the new calories. I didn't believe him. I've said it 100 times in the three months I've worked with him, but he was right. I'm still losing weight,  I'm still making strength gains, and my hunger has dissipated. This guys a flippin' nutrition genius. I'm so grateful to have him helping me. My only regret was not hiring him earlier.

a leap of faith

My last post stated I'm going to retire from the prison. I figured that deserved a bit more detail.

 I used to make fun of inmates who acted so big and bad, but the minute they were close to being released they'd turn into a wide eyed whiny coward. I've been eligible to retire for 8 months. And I'm afraid of leaving! Turns out I'm as institutionalized and afraid as they are. Haha! 

A couple days ago I received a call from an old friend of mine. He retired from the prison I work at last year. He's been working for a company in Albuquerque since September. He loves it. He said he could get me hired on there too. The starting pay is more than i make at the prison, and I've worked at the for prison 21 years! They have medical, and there's overtime available. Its to good of an opportunity to pass up!

Step one: buy a home, we currently live on the prison grounds.
Step two: sell our mobile home that's on the prison grounds.
Step three: get hired some where else, preferably where my buddy works. I won't leave the prison without another job. You know what they say, its easier to find a job when you have a job. I'll never actually retire. You know, sit at home, not work, watch tv all day. That's not for me. I find a lot of satisfaction from working. I'll be the kind of guy who works until the day i die.
Step four: retire from the prison. Wow. I can't believe I'm taking that leap of faith! I never thought I'd do it. There's a couple guys at the prison who started when they were young, they've both been there 35+ years now. I thought for sure that's what I was going to do too.

There's something about doing this that makes me miss my parents. I'd like nothing more than to be able to call them up and share this amazing moment in my life with them.

time to retire

I was eligible to retire from the prison back in May 215. After much deliberation I've decided it's time to retire. Since we live on prison grounds, similar to having on base military housing, the first step to retiring is to buy a home. I'm wanting to live in Santa Fe New Mexico or New Hampshire. My wife wants to live in Albuquerque New Mexico. After we buy a home I'll get another job, then retire. I'm in shock. I can't believe this is happening.

chaotic day

Today was a rough day. My daughter got sent home from school during the time I'm usually training, so I missed my workout. The check engine light came on in my Suburban. I only was able to get 3 hours of sleep. I was really hungry all day.

The good news is I got to the gym a couple hours before work and I got in a great workout. A workout that usually takes me 1 hour 50 minutes took only 1hour 10 minutes. I pushed HARD to get it done in time. My legs were trashed! It felt great. I still got to work on time with a couple minutes to spare. After 21 years working at the prison I've only been late 4 times. My streak continues. The other good news is I've lost 5.8 pounds in the last 7 days. Most of that was probably water weight from eating like crap while being on vacation. But still, I'm on track to getting to the 105k weight class. 16 pounds lost, 72 more to go.

logging and preparing food prevents sick leave use

My nutrition coach set a goal for me to hit for each of the 3 macro-nutrients each day. Right now my goals are 300 grams protein, 240 grams carbs, 115 grams fat. To hit each of these macro goals it's paramount that I log every meal for the entire day as soon as I wake up. Logging everything usually takes me 30-45 mimutes. That's not even including the preparation of those meals. One of the unexpected benefits of this is that it prevents me from using sick leave. Around noon on Thursday I wanted to call in sick that night. I wanted to hang out with the family, take an extra day off from the prison to prepare for the weekends weightlifting meet. But I'd already logged and prepared all my food to last until 6am (I work nights). If I called in sick I'd be going to sleep when my wife did, approximately 10pm. It would be way to much of a hassle and way to complicated to try to figure out what I'd ate so far, and what i'd need to change the next few meals to hit my numbers for the day. And even if I decided to attempt that, what would I do with the meals I'd already made with a specific amount of macro's in each one? Those meals wouldn't hit the days numbers because I'd be going to sleep 8 hours earlier. I knew hiring a sports nutrition coach would help me get into a lower weight class for weightlifting, help me perform better, and perhaps be sexier for my wife, but I never would of guessed that it prevents sick calls too.

The 2016 USPA Regional powerlifting championships

I thoroughly enjoyed my first powerlifting meet a few weeks ago. I enjoyed it so much I've been dreaming of doing another one as soon as possible. I was going to compete in the NASA powerlifting national championships in Feb 2016 in OKC, Oklahoma. But yesterday a fellow weightlifter, Dana Ashcraft, told me that the 2016 USPA Regional powerlifting championships will be held in Feb 2016 right here in Albuquerque New Mexico, just an hours drive from my house! Competing here in New Mexico will save me a grip of money!  Every dollar saved and put into savings for a down payment for a home is a day closer to retiring from the prison! So I went in early this morning and got the day off from work, then registered for the meet! I accidentally registered for the 275 lb division. I meant to register for the 308 lb division. I'm hoping they'll change my entry form. I'm currently weighing 301lbs. My nutrition coach is having me lose 1 pound a week, so I'll probably weigh around 292 by then. If they're not willing to change my weight class I'll need to cut 17 pounds. This might be crazy,  but if I have to cut 17 pounds I'm going to ask my favorite MMA fighter of all time, retired MMA fighter and Albuquerque resident "the dean of mean" Keith Jardine for help. He was a big light heavyweight fighter. During his career he had to cut an absurd amount of weight for his fights. Very few people would know how to cut weight better than him. He retired from fighting a few years ago 34-11 in his MMA and boxing career.

traveling for weightlifting meets

My training program is having me taper this week, which means I'll be peaking next week. My weightlifting meet isn't until Jan 16th. The last program i finished i lifted a lifetime best 91/115 which would have qualified me for the masters national championship. But I peaked almost a month before my meet. Since I peaked so long before my tournament I ended up only lifting an 88/115 at The Lift Outside The Box weightlifting meet and missed qualifying for the masters national championships. Same thing is happening now with this training program. I'm peaking 3 weeks to soon.

I've been eligible to retire from the prison since May. In addition to working at the prison my family and I live on prison grounds. I don't want to retire and leave the prison until we save up a down payment of %20 for a home. It has been more difficult to save up $40,000 than I thought it would be. If we continue to save at the rate we are currently I won't be able to retire from the penitentiary until 2020. I'm not ok with that. We need to make some adjustments. We're already on a pretty strict budget. About the only place we can make any changes is to take the money I'm saving to travel to the masters national championships in Savannah Georgia this upcoming March and add it to the down payment for a home fund. So its looking like if I qualify for the masters national championships I won't be able to go. I guess that makes the problem of my training program not match up with weightlifting meets not matter much. I don't want this to sound like a pity party. I'm completely at peace with it. I'm a family man. Nothing matters to me more. I love putting my family first. I don't need to actually go and compete in the masters national championships, simply qualifying is enough.

suicide and correctional officers

I've been pretty transparent on my blog about my recent struggles with depression. I looked up some statistics and was shocked. I wish a knew these things before starting my career as a Correctional Officer in 1995.

-Correctional Officers (CO’s) have the second highest mortality rate of any occupation.

-33.5% of all assaults in prisons and jails are committed by inmates against staff.

-A CO’s 58th birthday, on average, is their last.

-CO’s have a 39% higher suicide rate than any other occupation and have a higher divorce and substance abuse rates then the general population.

-CO's die, on average, less than two years after retiring.

Throughout my 21-year career in corrections, I've lost a large number of my fellow correctional officers to suicide. Yet very little (if any) attention was paid to the issue of correctional officer suicides. Discussion of suicide within my profession is a taboo topic because corrections employees are not supposed to appear emotionally vulnerable or fragile. After all, emotional vulnerability often equates to emotional instability, which is perceived to be a weakness by fellow officers. It is also a sign that you can be manipulated or are easily prey by inmates.

There has been much written concerning suicide among law enforcement officers, but very little about suicide among correctional officers. College classes go into great depth about the risks of stress, burnout, depression, and suicide rates among police officers, but in corrections courses the topic is rarely, if ever, discussed.

Existing Research on Suicide in Corrections
Research studies have found high suicide rates in the corrections field. For example, a 2009 New Jersey State Police Task Force Study (PDF) found that corrections officers have a suicide rate that is twice as high as the rate of police officers.

A 2013 U.S. Department of Justice’s Programs Diagnostic Center Study (PDF) found corrections officers:
-Have a much higher rate of suicide than those in other occupations
-experience severe post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) during their careers
-and on average, will not live to see their 59th birthday. Yup, you read that correctly. The average correctional officers won't live to 59.

In one of the few studies specifically addressing correctional officer suicide, the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ (BLS) Census of Fatal Occupational Injuries indicated that 38 percent of the intentional fatalities were suicides by self-inflicted gunshot wounds, but the actual percentage is largely unknown because the BLS only reports suicides that occur in the workplace. Suicides that occur at home or elsewhere are classified as non-occupational and are not part of the BLS data.

So, in the last 8-9 years i have suffered severe depression and thoughts of suicide. I also have pretty severe PTSD. I cant keep my back to a room or a door. If there's someone standing behind me or someone keeps getting to close to me i get anxious. While in public i'm constantly looking in people's eyes and faces looking for signs of impending attack. I watch everyone's hands for weapons- I knew I'd been institutionalized when I looked for weapons in my grandmother's hands and looked for bulges in her clothes before I'd hug her. My kids won't get near the bed when I'm sleeping because sometimes I wake up yelling, punching, and kicking. I often times wake up running through the house. I don't know what I'm running to or away from, but i know its a life and death situation. My family knows never to walk up to me from behind......
Why did I choose a career in corrections? Why have I stayed 21 years? And why the hell haven't I retired yet? I know one thing for sure, when it comes to depression I'll never try to gut check it again. I'll get help.

weightlifting, retirement, and Santa Fe New Mexico

I find great joy from training olympic style weightlifting. The dedication and focus it takes to train in this sport fits my personality perfectly. I have a perfect weightlifting specific gym and like minded athletes to train with. I have two top notch coaches, one weightlifting coach and one nutrition coach. I'm completely content where I'm at. And now that I'm able to slow down on overtime my family life is the best it's ever been. 

I spent my entire career counting down the days to be able to retire and move, and now that I'm eligible to retire from the prison I've found complete satisfaction where I'm at. My wife and I have been house shopping here in Santa Fe, the houses are unbelievably expensive, there's no way we could afford to buy a house here. So after years of wanting to retire, I've found  that now I don't want to, and I sure as heck don't want to move away from my weightlifting gym here in Santa Fe.

I started taking creatine again. I'm always amazed how quickly my body gets strength gains and how much more quickly my body recovers when I take creatine. The only down side to creatine is the weight gain. I've gained three pounds in less than a week. All the weight gain is water weight, and since i don't have to worry about making weight at a lower weight class i don't mind. My next weightlifting meet is in January. The meet in January will be my last chance to qualify for the Masters Weightlifting National Championships.

help to recover

This week will be the hardest week of training I've ever done.  I'm only half way through and already my legs are trashed! Today is my only day of rest this week so I thought what better way to recover than with a massage! Plus it's my 40th birthday today. What a great gift for myself! My legs were so sore it hurt when the massage therapist was working on them! Hopefully the massage will help me recover more so I can trash them all all over again.

on an upward swing

The entire week I've ate exactly what my nutrition coach wanted me to! After two years of training hard and eating like crap I'm excited to finally be getting the nutrition aspect of training down. Hopefully that will enable me to get the gains I need to qualify for the Master's National Weightlifting Championships. Last month I missed qualifying by 5 kilos.

The last few days I've had the best sleep I've ever had! I'm sure it's a combination of training harder than I've ever trained and eating well. This is a welcome relief. I've had obesity related sleep apnea the last few years. It feels great to finally feel rested.

For 9 straight years I worked 80-90 hours a week. It caused some pretty severe depression. To be honest I almost didn't make it through it. The last couple months I've worked a normal amount of hours. Thankfully the depression has dissipated along with the excessive amount of work hours. So.... what is that weird feeling I have floating around inside me? Oh ya, that's happiness and contentedness. Welcome back. It's been a long time. I've missed you.

Everything is finally coming together. The only thing left unaccomplished is for me to save for a down payment for a home and qualify for the Masters National Championships. 

when to retire?

I'm currently eligible to retire from the state of New Mexico. I've been struggling to figure out when I should retire. I could retire anytime between now and July 2019. After years of deliberation my wife and I have decided for me to wait until 2019 to retire from the prison. The reason is simple. I've fallen in love with weightlifting. I've never enjoyed another sport or hobby as much as i enjoy weightlifting, and Santa Fe has one of the best weightlifting coaches in the nation, Shane Miller from who Coaches out of the Miller Gym. There's no way I'm ready to leave the quality of coaching here, there's way to much I still want to accomplish in this sport.

first treadmill tabata of 2015

Yesterday morning I was mandatoried to a 16 hour shift at the prison. I refused to let that upset my new  workout regimen. I got off of a 16 hour shift at 10 am, slept until 1:15, went to the New Mexico Corrections Academy and completed my training routine before my kids got home at 3 pm from school.

For cardio I did my first treadmill tabata in over a year. I chose the treadmill tabata because I didn't have much timr. A tabata is a very quick and rediculously intense cardio workout. It'll makes your lungs scream and heart feel like it's going to pump right out of your chestt. I did a 5 minute warm up followed by a twenty second sprint at a %12 grade and a 13:37 pace followed by a 10 second rest. I completed  10 sprints of 20 seconds followed by a ten second break. It was really hard! Felt great.

retire from the prison now or max out my retirement?

On May 30th i was eligible to retire from the state penitentiary. After a long hard look at my life and my families  future i had decided to stay at the prison until July 2019 which is when I'll max out my retirement. And then yesterday I found out if i die before i retire, even though I'm already eligible my wife will only get %30 of my retirement. If i retired now and then died she'd get %80 for the rest of her life. That changes things a bit. I've always prided  myself as a selfless spouse and a hard working provider. If i do what i want and stay at the prison another 4 years I'm gambling with my wife's future. If i leave too soon i won't have a down payment for a home or enough in savings to guarantee that we could pay our bills while i work my way out of an entry level position as a dock worker at ABF freight or UPS . Being a father and husband is much more complicated than i thought it'd be.