CrossFit revelations

I've posted this a bunch, but I don't enjoy doing CrossFit. I love the community, the coaches, the facilities, and I especially love the results. But after 8 months of doing CrossFit I've realized the results may not be worth it for me. I've come close to quitting a bunch of times. But my continued weight loss has kept me coming back. I think I'll try two more weeks of CrossFit. If I haven't found new and renued love or interest then I'm going to quit and train powerlifting and short distance track. I enjoy those sports. And they're cheaper to train at and be coached in. Why spend $150 a month to do something I don't enjoy when there's other sports out there that are almost as effective at weight loss and getting fit, that are more fun for me, and significantly cheaper?

CrossFit costs or CrossFit for couples

I decided earlier this week I was going to cancel my Crossfit membership to save money so I could continue to be home with the kids more. After a few days I fell off the diet wagon. So then I went back to crossfit and Wala, I was motivated to eat healthy and count macros again. I think I've come to the realization that I need to continue training at Bear Canyon CrossFit. There's something about that place that makes me motivated to eat right and eat the right amounts. It seems to effect more than just what kind of workout I'm doing. It totally changes my lifestyle. After I told my wife how my diet changes for the worse everytime I stop going to CrossFit she actually decided to try it too. Her first CrossFit workout will be tomorrow. I'll blog about her workout soon. But she and I came up with an idea on how to pay for it. Our membership will be $220 a month. Right now she and I put money into a 401k retirement plan. We'll just deduct $220 a month from how much we're investing in our 401k. The way I look at it is there's more than one way to invest in our future. And one of those ways is investing in our health. What's the point in saving for retirement if we'll be to sick or dead to enjoy it? So, tomorrow she and I start training CrossFit together. I'm really excited. I think this will be great for both our bodies and our relationship. It'll be something we can bond doing together.

CrossFit costs

I really love doing CrossFit. I love the results it gives me. And I love how little time I need to train doing CrossFit to get great results. Unfortunately it's really expensive. I've been attempting to work less hours so I can spend more time with my kids. My hopes are working. My kids and I are closer now than ever. The bad news is working only 35 hours a week is hitting us hard financially. My wife and I are going to see if we can cut some things out of our life to make ends meet. But if those don't work then I'm going to have to give up CrossFit.

Day off for recovery and New Mexico health Care connect

Just last week I was blogging about how I'd gotten in good enough shape that I was working out 7 days a week. And that in addition to training every day I was hoping to start doing two workouts in one day at least once a week. Well yesterday I felt like crap. I was tired, sore, grouchy, and wasn't motivated to go to the gym. So today I had to eat my words and take a day off from training.

My day of recovery couldn't have happened at a better time. My wife had the day off from work. So we spent the day together. We slept late, did lots of cuddling, and a few chores together.

My wife has been commuting 120 miles a day for work since we moved to Albuquerque 19 months ago. She got a new job that's only 2.7 miles from our house. That'll give her an extra 2 hours a day at home. The best news is her new job has full benefits. Her medical insurance is only $600 a month. We had been getting medical insurance from New Mexico health connections. For the 5 of us it was $957 a month. But the cost was going to go up to $1257 a month on January. My wife saved our butt financially with her new job! $1,257 a month is rediculous. Needless to say we have cancelled New Mexico health connections.

Day one back in the weight room

Yesterday was my first day of no longer working obscene amounts of overtime. After work yesterday I went to the gym. I haven't worked out consistently in almost a year. It felt great to get in there again. I'm pretty sore today. But again, I love it. It feels great.

Now that I've realized I need to make my health and happiness a priority i feel like a weight has been taken off my shoulders. I've realized the only one in this relationship who cares about my health and happiness is me. No more work weeks above 48hrs. If she makes more bad life decisions or wants a luxury item she needs to save for it or go out and earn extra money. It's as easy as that. I'm not going to kill myself with overtime anymore. 11 years of 80-90 hour work weeks was enough.

I also need to realize I'm partly to blame. At anytime I could have simply refused to work as many hours as I was. I should have. I didn't.

Marriage is slavery

I've been married for 13 years. I've worked 80-90 hours a week for the last 11 of them. I'm not a workaholic. I don't enjoy working extra hours. I'm beyond unhappy. I'm miserable. From very early in our marriage my wife had unrealistic lifestyle expectations. She spent more than two men could earn. And I had to work more than two men combined to try and out earn her spending.

I always wanted to be a doting husband. A selfless provider who put my wife's need above my own. My assumption was always that if I did enough for my wife, if I gave her the things she said would make her happy, if I sacrificed more than any other man could that she'd eventually love me enough that I wouldn't have to anymore. I was wrong. She'd rather me be exhausted, overworked, missing my kids, and depressed than to go without extra money or the things money can buy. I'm nothing more than a wage slave. A utility to have resources extracted from. I've known this for quite awhile. But I just kept trying. I'd work harder and I'd spend less so she could have more in the hopes I could finally win her over and have her choose me. In the hopes she'd love me enough to not want me to suffer anymore. All the while I'd beg and plead with her to please spend less so I could have a normal life. So I could work normal hours, have time with my kids, have hobbies, and be able to sleep a full 8 hours. Oh how I miss sleep! But last night I finally accepted the truth. She's ok with me suffering as long as she gets what she wants. She'll never put me and my needs above her own wants and desires. Last night I told her after the trip to New York in October I won't be working overtime anymore. If she wants something she'll have to save for it like responsible adults are supposed to do. There's been other times in  the past that I've told her I won't be working overtime. I've told her she won't be allowed to spend more than we make anymore. She always threw a fit. She'd say manipulative things. She'd try using shaming language. She'd blame me and try to play the victim role. I'd always cave in. I'm hoping this time I'll stand my ground and do what's best for the whole family. Me being home would be better for my kids, our marriage, and me. She definitely won't like it. She'll have to learn to accept it or file for a divorce. At this point I've been used and abused by her for so long I'm ok with either decision she makes.

After we get back from New York in October I'm getting back into athletics. I'm hiring a coach, probably coach Vernon Smith, I'll be eating right, sleeping enough, and for the first time in 13 years I will make sure I'm happy. She won't like it. But I don't care.

Track training, snatches, and overtime

Yesterday I snatched 84 kilos for reps. I didn't think I'd get back to this much weight so quickly after having taken 6 months off from injuries and work conflicts.

Today I did another track workout. 100 meter sprints at %90 effort. I feel a lot faster already. My kids were beating me badly when I started track training. After only two weeks I've closed the distance between us by about half. Pretty quick gains for someone in their 40's.

I'm guessing the last pay period of this month I will have replenished our emergency fund. I've been working a ton of overtime the last couple months. I'm greatfull I have a job that overtime is available.... But I'm really sick of overtime. I've worked more overtime in the last decade than most people work in a lifetime.

Athletes first kind of Strength​ Coaches

A little over a month ago my father in-law​passed away and I paid for the funeral. A couple weeks later we got hit with a $1,300 tax bill. Until I get our emergency fund back up to where it's supposed to be I won't be training. I'll be to busy working overtime.  It's not really a big deal. It'll probably only take me three or four months of 55 hour work weeks to replenish our emergency fund. I told my powerlifting coach, Rich Kahle what was going on. I told him I'd rehire him after we got caught up with our finances. He told me he wanted me to continue training and he'd program for me for free until I got caught back up. Of course I won't do it. If he's training me I'll pay him. There was a time when we were hurting really bad financially. My first weightlifting coach Shane Miller trained me for free back then. At that time I was working 80-90 hours a week to pay off my wife's debt. The only choice back then was train for free or not train. But we're in a lot better place now. I'll continue to pay him. No doubt about it. But think about it, how considerate was it that he offered to work for free? I was touched.

overtime and weightlifting training

My new job seems to be in a constant state of chaos and is short staffed. Which is baffling to me because the pay is pretty awesome. I can handle a lot of B.S. for a job that pays as well as this one. On most of my weekends my Captain will call and ask if I can work at least one of my days off. Sometimes both of them. The constant change of hours and shifts has made it difficult to get adjusted. But like I said the pay is great so I'll just keep my head down and do what I'm asked when I'm asked.

For the next 5 months my days off were supposed to be Tuesday and Wednesday. But my Captain has asked if I'd work every Wednesday until he's able to get us fully staffed- which hasn't happened as long as anyone can remember. So I'm just assuming I'll be working 6 days a week for the next 5 months- at least. He was nice enough to work around the 2 hour block I need with my coach on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. So between that and the pay I'm happy as I pig in slop. I'll leave the complaining and dissident to some of my fellow coworkers who have no idea how how lucky we really are. I've got a great paying job that is willing to work around weightlifting training. What more could a man ask for?

crime in Albuquerque and it's time to move!

When i retired from the prison i tried to convince my wife to move to Lubbock TX, anywhere in New Hampshire, or Savanna Gorrgia. She desperately wanted to move back to her home town of Albuquerque. Albuquerque is #3 in the nation in auto-thefts, #5 in violent crime, and the sexual assault and rape is %300 higher than the national average. But ultimately I put my wife's wants above my own, like husbands should do. A couple weeks ago my cherished 1996 Chevrolet Suburban was stolen from our driveway. Anyone who knows me knows I love my Suburban. I plan on driving it the rest of my life. I was just going to continue to repair it over and over again. A few days later I found it in an apartment complex. It had $1250 woth of damage to it. It was loaded up with a bunch of home invasion tools. The police said the thieves were probably going to use my vehicle in a few home break ins and then dump it or strip it for parts. Thankfully my wife has realized how dangerous this city is. She's ready to sell the house we bought just 5 short months ago and move. She hasn't decided where she wants to move yet. She said she'd like to see Savanna Georgia. She's never been to that part of the country. It's BEAUTIFUL there! I'm sure she'd move there in a heart beat if she saw it there. So I'm hoping like hell I'm able to qualify for the masters national weightlifting championships which is held in Savanna Georgia. And in the meantime I'm working on our house getting it prepped to sell. There's a lot we're needing to do. I've been working my butt off the last week.

 We're going to knock out this old fashion light box thingy and put recessed lighting in the kitchen, family room, dining room, and both bathrooms.

 As you can see there's no lights in the family room other than lamps. So recessed lighting is desperately needed. We're also going to remove all the carpet and linoleum and put down new tile in the whole house.

We're going to knock out this wall and put in a breakfast bar. We're also going to put in new  kitchen counters so that the breakfast bar and kitchen counters will match. After that I believe we can sell it for a profit so we can have a decent down payment on a new home in a safer city. The housing at all three of the places I'd like to move is significantly cheaper than here in Falujah- er- I mean Albuquerque New Mexico. Plus:

There's no income tax in Texas.

And there's no income tax or sales tax in New Hampshire. 

Savanna Georgia is just about the most beautiful place on earth. Plus they have beaches and an ocean there!

The only thing I'll miss here in Albuquerque is my coach Joaquin Chavez of High Dessert Athletic Club. I love that guy. I don't think I'll ever find another coach as fantastic as he is.

health insurance and weight loss update

After finding out New Mexico retiree health care insurance is unaffordable through New Mexico retiree health care and the insurance offered through my new employer is unaffordable I tried to apply for Presbyterian health insurance. We were denied because we currently are insured through NM reriree health care. So it looks like the most affordable place we can get health insurance is NM health care connections. It's going to cost us a little over $800 a month for all 5 of us. Now that we'll have affordable health insurance I'll get this lump in my chest looked at. I'm hoping it's not the C word. Cancer runs in my mom's side of the family. Keep me in your prayers if your willing.

Since re-hiring my nutrition coach, Barry Schroeder,  in early April I've lost 12 pounds while putting on more strength and explosiveness. I'm pretty sure I'll break through the 100k snatch and 125k clean and jerk by the next weightlifting meet I compete in. A 220k total would be a dream come true!

New Mexico health care connect

On Friday I found out the medical insurance at my new employer is over $2,400 a month for the 5 of us. Medical insurance through the New Mexico retiree health care would be $1,872 a month. Obviously I was freaking out. My wife and I found health care insurance through the New Mexico health care connect for only $800 a month for all 5 of us. That's so much more affordable! Today we'll be getting quotes from Presbyterian. I'll keep you informed what we find out.

a lump in my chest

Well I hate to admit I was wrong. But I love my new job! It's much better than working in a prison. And I loved my old job at the prison. Loved it enough I stayed there for 21 years & retired.

The bad news is I found out the health insurance at my new job is EXPENSIVE! For my wife, three kids, and I it's going to cost $2,475 a month and it has a $8,000 deductable! I have the option of health insurance through the New Mexico retiree health care, but it's $1,872 a month. Man, that's bloody expensive too. I'm in a rush to get decent health insurance because I've developed a lump on my left chest. In the last two weeks it's grown from the size of a quarter to 1.5 time the size of a quarter.

The monthly cost of the two insurance options is expensive enough, but if the lump is something that needs treatment like- God forbid- cancer we'd have to pay for everything up until our deductable, we'd pay %20 after our deductable, plus we'd our have to pay the co-pay for every appointment would be out of pocket. That would absolutely bankrupt us.

passed the test

OOn Saturday I passed the written test I'd failed earlier that week. I also passed the state and federal firearms tests. All I have to do is one more 16 hour block of training and a test to be able to start working. After I start working I have to get in 440 hours before the medical insurance kicks in. Once the medical insurance for my family kicks in at the new job everything will be fine. But until it does we're hurting. Medical insurance through the New Mexico retiree health care is $1,872 a month, my pension is $2000 a month take home. That leaves $128 a month for us to live on. I wasn't able to pay the mortgage this month. I never should have retired from the prison.

The New Mexico games is this weekend. I'll be competing in the 105+ 40-44 ag.

retiree health care costs

Thanks to Obama Care the cost of health insurance through the NM retiree health care has sky rocketed. Now that i retired from New Mexico the state health insurance for my wife, my three kids and I is $1,782 a month. After I pay my families health care I have $128 a month left from my pension. I'm currently training for my next job. My new employer is giving training when they have the time. It's sporadic at best. I usually have a week or more inbetween times they are able to offer me training. Until I can start working again we aren't able to pay our bills. We aren't able to pay our mortgage this month.

This week my new employer is training firearms. I've been shooting guns since I was 7 years old. So consequently I'm an exellent shot. Since shooting comes so naturally to me I'm not up to date with the book aspect and terminologies of shooting and firearms. So I failed a written test today. I have another shot to pass tomorrow. If I don't pass tomorrow's test I have to wait 90 days to test again. If i dont pass i dont work. Needless to say I'm freaking the hell out.

I'll post what questions I can remember here for shits and giggles. Its all off of memory, so the questions aren't and answers aren't perfect. There were a few true or false questions. But most of it is fill in the blank.

Questions:
1) What are the 4 general safety rules of firearms handling?
2) what are color codes of awareness and it's meaning?
3) what are the 7 fundamentals of handgun marksmanship?
4) what fundamentals is required when shooting at greater distances?
5) true or false, ballistics is the study of projectiles in motion
6) list the conditions of automatic pistol failure in order
7) what's a failure drill?
8) when you draw your weapon but not ready to shoot?
9) can't recall question
10) can't recall question
11) name two reasons to double tap?
12) name three of five factors that effect projectory?
13) name the three m's of something?
14) Can't recall question
15) name the two parts of a revolver?
16) name the two parts of an automatic pistol?
17) can't recall question
18) can't recall question
19) can't recall question
20) can't recall question

Answers
1) -The Gun Is Always Loaded
-Never Point The Gun At Something You Are Not Prepared To Destroy
-Always Be Sure Of Your Target And What Is Behind It
-Keep Your Finger Off The Trigger Until Your Sights Are On The Target
2) white- no awareness 
Yellow- casual scanning, general awareness
Orange- detenction, assessment 
Red-  decision, action
3) grip
Stance 
Sight picture
Sight alignment 
Breath control 
Trigger squeeze 
Follow through 
4) sight alignment 
Trigger control
5) true
6)  failure to feed
Failure to extract
failure to eject
7) 2 center mass, one to the head
8) low ready
9) weapon retention 
10) true
11) increase vital hits
Beat body alarm
12) -humidity 
-altitude 
- wind
-drag
-temperature 
13) marksmanship 
Manipulation 
Mental conditioning 
14) false
15) barrel/frame
16) slide/frame
17) true
18) false
19) yes
20) false

fears and goals of the future

My #1 goal in life is to retire with dignity. I grew up extremely poor. The kind of poverty rarely seen in the US outside of the deep south, which is where I grew up. I was usually hungry. I'd have to eat paper in school to make the hunger pains subside. I got one pair of shoes a year from a 2nd hand store, if I out grew them I'd have to cut the toes off the end so my toes could poke out the front. To survive i taught myself to hunt and skin squirrels, frogs, snakes, ducks, and rabbits with a bb gun and a pocket knife at 7 years old. I was homeless in my teens. My greatest fear is to end up having to live the same in old age as i did when i grew up. I've stayed at the same government job my entire adult life so i could earn a pension. I was eligible to retire from that job last year. I've worked really hard the last decade to pay off all of my wife's debt. We became debt free last year. The last year has been great to my family and I. Since we became debt free I've been putting as much as we can afford into a savings account for a down payment for a home, and investing in a ROTH IRA. For the first time in my life I'm not afraid of my future. I've done what I needed to do to ensure my wife and I can retire with dignity. We did most of this thanks to knowledge I gained through a book, The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey. I've been thinking about buying a bunch of copies of that book for my friends and family. I could change the future, the legacy, of the people I care about most by simply buying them a book. So, if I know you, and i care about you, be expecting the book The Total Money Makeover sometime in 2016. If I don't know you, buy the book. You won't regret it.

communicating with coaches and money

The last few days I weighed 308. I weighed 303 this morning. My weight is like powerball numbers, you have no clue what theyre going to be.

I've been horrible in the gym the last week. It's because I peaked a few weeks ago. Most people lose some strength and speed after they peak. But I don't lose a little,  I crash and burn. I straight up fall apart! This isn't surprising at all. I've known my body does this since I first started triathlon training way back in 2004. Timing my peak is the most important thing for me and my athletics endeavors. My weightlifting coach didn't know this. You know why he didn't know? Because I didn't tell him that's why. I've wanted to tell him, but i wasn't sure how. What was mostly on my mind was not making waves. I love my gym. It's one of the few pure weightlifting gyms in the nation. And the Miller Gym is the most awesome place I've ever trained. All of the coaches are incredible. Coach Shane is one of the best program builders in the nation. The other members who train there are more than just like minded athletes who also love olympic style weightlifting. We're a team. A really close team. I haven't felt a team spirit like this since my days of playing football.  I guess deep down I was just worried I'd accidentally ruffled some feathers and be asked to leave. It was an absurd fear. Coach Shane approached me today & asked me a long list of questions, trying to diagnose what was up with me and my crap performance recently. I finally broke down and told him what was up. He seemed relieved, "oh, ok. That's an easy fix. I can adjust your program for that." Seriously?  It was that easy? Dang it!

Shane's always been very approachable. Always willing to listen and work with people. I don't know why the heck I was so anxious talking to him. Once I finally bared my soul to him everything was fixed. Bam, that easy. I feel really stupid.

I got paid on Friday. It was a check with almost no overtime. We still had enough money to pay all our bills and also enough left to save some for a down payment for a home. I know that doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but we struggled something horrible for a long time. There was one Chistmas, in 2011, we didn't have enough money to buy our kids presents. Imagine how hard it would be to tell your kids Santa Claus isn't coming this year. I've had a lot of time at home with the family recently. I'm playing catch up with all the time I missed with the family when I was working 80-90 hours a week. I've taught my kids how to ride a skate board, play the game go fish, and I've been shopping for a guitar so we can all learn to play music together.  It's amazing to me how much more appreciative I am now for the good times after we struggled so much for so long. I am so grateful to be through the rough patch and enjoying  the good times now. The last few months may have been the best 3 months of my life. 

traveling for weightlifting meets

My training program is having me taper this week, which means I'll be peaking next week. My weightlifting meet isn't until Jan 16th. The last program i finished i lifted a lifetime best 91/115 which would have qualified me for the masters national championship. But I peaked almost a month before my meet. Since I peaked so long before my tournament I ended up only lifting an 88/115 at The Lift Outside The Box weightlifting meet and missed qualifying for the masters national championships. Same thing is happening now with this training program. I'm peaking 3 weeks to soon.

I've been eligible to retire from the prison since May. In addition to working at the prison my family and I live on prison grounds. I don't want to retire and leave the prison until we save up a down payment of %20 for a home. It has been more difficult to save up $40,000 than I thought it would be. If we continue to save at the rate we are currently I won't be able to retire from the penitentiary until 2020. I'm not ok with that. We need to make some adjustments. We're already on a pretty strict budget. About the only place we can make any changes is to take the money I'm saving to travel to the masters national championships in Savannah Georgia this upcoming March and add it to the down payment for a home fund. So its looking like if I qualify for the masters national championships I won't be able to go. I guess that makes the problem of my training program not match up with weightlifting meets not matter much. I don't want this to sound like a pity party. I'm completely at peace with it. I'm a family man. Nothing matters to me more. I love putting my family first. I don't need to actually go and compete in the masters national championships, simply qualifying is enough.

pay it forward for Chistmas

In 2011 i got ran over by a vehicle while cycling and suffered a traumatic brain injury. Not working and the medical bills devastated us financially. There were many days we didn't have any food in the house. On Christmas we had to explain to the kids, ages 2, 4, & 6 that we couldn't afford gifts that year. My middle son assumed Santa Clause wasn't coming because of him. He repeatedly begged me to tell Santa he was sorry and he'd be a good boy from now on. No matter how hard i tried to explain it wasn't their fault the tears continued to fall, mine included. A few minutes later a coworker of mine from the prison knocked on our door and dropped off a huge pile of gifts for my children. Their Christmas was saved. I've never been more grateful in my life.

A few months ago my wife and I paid off a huge amount of her students loans and my medical bills. We're in a much better place financially.

My wife and I heard about a father on an Indian reservation not far from us that committed suicide. He left behind a wife who was a stay at home mom and three young kids the same age as ours were in 2011. I also have a coworker who's 2 year old son is really sick and has been in and out of the hospital all year. My wife and i scrounged together every penny we could possibly afford and gave each of them a check. I know money wont fix what those families are going through. But I'm hoping at the very least they will be able to have a moment of joy and forget for a short while all the problems in their life as they see the joy in their kids faces when they open their gifts on Christmas morning. I know that's how my wife and I felt on Christmas 4 years ago.

forgiven and blessed

On Friday i received two medical bills totaling  $6700. Then a few days later my vehicle broke down, another  $706. Yesterday on the way to pick up my vehicle from the mechanic my wife's vehicles check engine light came on. The only way for my family to get out of that kind of financial mess would have been for me to go back to working massive amounts of overtime. I spent 9 years working 80-90 hour work weeks to pay off my wife's student loans. Working that much caused massive depression, marital problems, and i missed much to much of my children growing up. To have to work that many hours again was more than i could bear. I'll be honest, i started to pray for God to take me to heaven rather than me to have to work like that again. I wanted to die.

This morning i called the hospital to negotiate the bill. By the end if the of the phone call they agreed to forgive the bill. As soon as I hung up the phone i fell to my knees in relief and started crying, praying, and thanking God. Its amazing how loving and forgiving He is. i usually have the worst luck,  but i put it in Gods hands and He gave me so much more than i deserve. I'm so very blessed.