July 07, 2008

Heavens a better place

Thursday night I got a call while I was at work. My Dad was in the hospital. I don't have the strength right now to go into details. But Friday July 4th he died shortly after 10 pm. Heavens a much better place now with him in it. I'll miss him horribly, but I will see him again when God's ready to take me home to him too. I wrote this & will read it Thursday at his funeral.

Bob was a great man. Bob taught me more than any other man ever could have. He took me under his wing & took on the impossible task of teaching me patience with those I loved & taught unconditional love. He came into my life in my darkest years. By my late teens I'd become adept at judging each person on a daily basis. I'd learned to turn my back on anyone if I felt threatened. No matter how close they had been to me. Bob started to teach me to love unconditionally. He taught me by example. He taught by loving my Mom & I no matter what kind of hard-hearted self defense mechanisms I employed. He'd feel some kind of emotional door slam shut & he'd simply wait for me to show up, to trust, & love. Time & time again I shut doors on him, & even my own Mom. I've gone many times as far as not calling or seeing Bob or my Mom for months on end. Each time I hurt them both deeply. One day I'd just show up again, & each time he'd let me into his heart & his home. He'd never ask why, he'd never tell me not to again, he never even judged me. He knew I was broken inside. He had no reason at all to keep opening himself up to such a broken person. But he did. I was slow in learning the lessons he knew were important for me to be happy with myself. It was a slow & painful process for him & I both, but eventually I started to learn to trust in people enough to love unconditionally, not just when it as safe for me to do so.

Bob was such a loving, kind, & honorable man. He lived every moment & made every decision based on a deep sense of right & wrong. He never lied to anyone as long as I knew him. That would be impossible for anyone else. But it was true with him. He never lied. In the late 90's Bob started telling me he was proud of me. When he started telling me this I was so stunned. It meant so very much to me because if he said it, he meant it. His expectations were very high. He expected me to be a trustworthy and honest man. He expected me to love the people that God put into my life for me to love. He demanded I make each decision in life based off of what was right. The best thing he taught me was to love. The next was a great set of morals & scruples. The one thing he told me over & over again was "good men finish last, but it's worth it".

I owe him so much. Without him in my life I wouldn't have been able to have courted Cindy. She would never have fallen in love with the man I was before Bob healed my heart. I wouldn't have her or the gorgeous children that we have now. Without Bob I wouldn't have been able to rebuild my relationship with my Mom. He reached a hardened unreachable young man. He gradually chipped away my hard exterior. Because of him I can love. It's been a blessing to have been loved by him. I love Bob unconditionally. When Jesus is ready to take me home, I will be so excited to see him again. But until then I will do my best to live my life as an example to the people around me just as Bob did for me.

11 comments:

SWTrigal said...

{{{Cody}}}
Losing a parent is one of the biggest losses in life. I am so very sorry your dad is gone. It sounds like he was such a great influence on you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. The grief is temporary, the memories are forever..
Debi

Herself, the GeekGirl said...

Cody, so sorry to hear this. Having lost both my parents, I know it's a special kind of hurt. {{Hugs}}

Anonymous said...

Love you much, see you Wednesday. GG is coming too.

Love,
Auntie

JB-from-EPT-Age-grouper said...

Cody, Something told me to check in with you today....and now I know why. Cody my prayers are with you and your family. I pay you and your family my respects.

JB-from-EPT-Age-grouper said...

Cody, Something told me to check in with you today....and now I know why. Cody my prayers are with you and your family. I pay you and your family my respects.

skoshi said...

Cody,
I am so sorry about the loss of your father. I'm glad you were able to learn what a special kind of man he was. That is a gift in itself.
My thoughts are with you.
N

the Dread Pirate Rackham said...

hey cody, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad. No matter how much you miss him, you know he will always be with you because you loved him so much.

He was a good man. Your story tells as much about your ability to adapt as his willingness to love you unconditionally.

The (IRON) Clyde said...

Cody, my thoughts and prayers go out to you Man. I hope you can find strength somehow in this tough time of your life.

Tyger Lily said...

Cody, I am so sorry for your loss. Your Dad sounds like a wonderful man. You and your family will be in my prayers. Losing a parent is one of the most difficult things we can go thru in life but yes, you will see him again! Until that time, God be with you and your family.

Steph

Duane said...

so sorry to hear this Cody. my thoughts and prayers are with you

Bones said...

Cody, I'm just catching up on my reading. I'm so sorry to hear about your father, my prayers are with you and your family.

- Mark