In September 2011 my wife and I realized God wanted us to get our finances in order. He told us He wanted us to live the way it says in the bible: without debt. Since December we've paid off $24,000 in debt. Yesterday we started step 3 of Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. We are very glad to have gotten this far. We now need $10,300 to complete 3.
Since December I've worked no less than 84 hour work weeks. There were times I was so tired from all the overtime and lack of sleep that I felt like a zombie. The only thing that kept me going was the amazing love and support of my God, my wife, and constant prayer. When I'd get into a slump, when I felt I couldn't stay awake another moment I'd take a few minutes to ask for strength and endurance, and to thank God for all He'd done to help me get that far. My wife and my God have carried me through the rough times. And now we're closer than I've ever dreamed we'd be to financial peace!
When God wants me to learn a lesson, He puts me into a situation where I am forced to learn. I don't always like the lesson and I don't always like being taught. I realize God is trying to get through to me. I've been trying to figure out the lesson He's trying to teach me because I'd prefer the lesson to not get any more severe. I've been struggling with my eating disorder a lot recently. A couple weeks ago I fell off the wagon and lost 460 days of abstaining from destructive binge eating. In four and a half days of binge eating my weight shot up from 175 to 202 pounds. This is a common and dangerous problem of mine when I binge eat. A persons kidneys controls their salt and hydration as well as function as a filter. I was eating so much I was overwhelming my kidneys. It wasn't until yesterday that I realized what I've been doing wrong. I became so focused on working and paying off our debt that I gave myself permission to stop going to over eater anonymous meetings, I stopped working the 12 steps, and I stopped calling my sponsor. I'm a addict. I'll always be an addict. On page 33 of the big book it says:
"Most of us have believed if we remained abstinent for a long stretch, we could there after eat normally....once a compulsive over eater always a compulsive over eater. If we are planning to stop destructive eating, there must be no lurking notion that someday we will be immune to food."
I've learned on multiple occasions that when I don't think my compulsive binge eating is a problem, it comes back with a vengeance. I have to realize I'll never be a normal eater. I have to continue working the program & keeping in mind that I am & always will be an addict. I need to take steps daily to keep my addiction in check. I have to follow a food plan, avoid sugar, NEVER eat at buffets, and most importantly I need to walk with God or I will relapse!
Today I've realized I need to continue to work hard on finishing the plan we have addopted from The Total Money Makeover, but I also need to continue staying healthy and working on my problems with food. Today I'm calling my sponsor. I'm going to ask if he's willing to sponsor me again. I'm going to start working the 12 steps again.
This week is the 1st time I've written openly about my eating disorder on my blog. I'm still a little apprehensive and embarrassed to write about my struggles with food and binge eating, but I'm tired of hiding who I am. I'm tired of fighting this addiction alone. "It doesn't take a real man to fight. It takes a real man to reach out his hand."
I'm hoping that others who are struggling with addictions can find some strength and knowledge from my blog by reading about my progress and recovery. Who knows, I might even find some encouragement and support of my own along the way.
3 comments:
Good luck, Cody. Debt-free is a fantastic goal, but not at the cost of your health - it may be that you need to slow the process down a little and lower your stress levels by cutting back on work hours, not just to attend meetings but to try and get a space for more mental tranquillity!
That'a a very good point Jenny. Your probably right.
God bless you with your progress Cody. I have been compulsive dieter and have lived debt free all my life, but these attributes did not stop me from raising two kids that really struggle with both food and money issues. In many ways, my compulsions put undue stress on my family. Only God can undue the damage done in those situations. I will pray for you as I pray for my children to be liberated from these destructive behaviors without causing problems in other areas of your life. Sincerely, Carol
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