which anniversary poem?

Sunday is my wife & my anniversary. I found these 2 poems & was wondering which one you peeps thought I should put on the card?

Every Year
Every year that I'm with you
Is been better than before;
It's hard for me to imagine
How I could love you more.
Every year you've graced my life
Has been full of happiness;
I love your caring face,
your voice,Your tender, sweet caress.
Every year when this day comes,
I'm filled with love and pleasure;
Happy Anniversary, Cindy,
My joy, my delight, my treasure.

Perfect pairing
Dear Cindy, for me we are the perfect pairing;
Every thought of you is filled with all my caring.
You're the real live answer to my fondest dreaming,A perfect partner for a perfect teaming.
Each year I realize that it's all true;
I have the one I searched for, and it's you.
I'm lucky that I have you as my mate;
It's our anniversary; time to celebrate!

more weight loss & my family

This has been a great week! My training is still doing fabulous. & I've been perfect on my diet for the last 3 weeks. 3 weeks in a row. It was July since I was in this kind of control of my eating. When I'm more in control of my diet that's an indicator of how I feel emotionally. & things are great right now.

I was down to 219 pounds this morning! One of my goals for the year was to race my 3 A races under 220 pounds. Well, I'm under 220 for the first time in a long time, & as of yesterday I have exactly 1 month until my first A race of the year. Things are looking up.

Up until this week I was down to one pair of work pants that fit me. I got into my X-L work pants today for the first time in many months. I feel so much better on my runs now than I have since October. Like I've said time & time again "skinny isn't a body type, it's a tactical necessity." & "light isn't weight, it's speed!" I'm well on my way to living those 2 sayings again! I love it when a plan comes together.

On another subject. My wife started going back to school, so on Mon's & Wed's I have my babies all day to myself. I have been SO happy! That probably has a lot to do with me controlling my eating. There's nothing better for a persons happiness level than quality time with your children.

My son is going through a major Daddy stage right now. I love it. As long as I'm around he'll cry unless I'm holding him. Makes me all warm inside to be loved so much by someone I love so much. My wife's not so happy about that though. I've won over her Momma's boy;) My son is afraid to walk. It's not that he can't. He's just afraid of falling. So unless he's on a soft surface like a bed or wrestling mats he simply won't do it. I know when I'm trying to walk on soft surfaces, it's much more difficult to walk on than a regular surface, which proves my point. He could walk if he wanted to. It's ironic. He is afraid of falling 6 inches, which is about how far it is from his butt to the floor, but a couple weeks ago I taught him to climb a 55 foot ladder & he'll do it without hesitation or any help. But he's afraid of the short distance to the floor when standing. LOL. He's just like his old man. I'm not afraid of walking into a prison on a daily basis where I've been beaten up, almost shanked, & had my life threatened more times than I could count. But I fall apart, quake in my boots if I'm in a public place & my back is to an open room or a door. Funny, I love him even more because of his quirks than I do from his perfect qualities.



I take my daughter & son to Albuquerque jumps on the 2 days a week I have them. That's always been a highlight for me & my lil ones. All 3 of us play hard with each other until we are so exhausted we can barely move. In the last couple months my daughter who is now 3 years 4 months old has started to only want to play with the other kids while there. I've spent the last few times at Albuquerque jumps following my daughter around watching her play with kids her age & hoping the kids & their parents would go away so that she'd play with me. LOL. She's growing up. I really miss the days when she'd only want to play her Daddy, pretty much ignoring all the other people around her.

No one told me watching my children grow up would be the most rewarding & painful thing I'd ever feel all at the same time;) God is with me, & He is good. Very good indeed. He blesses me on a daily basis with much much more than I deserve. & that is the truth. May God be with you to.

my run on sentance 2 paragraph post

This year so far has started off great. I can't remember a year starting off
this well for me before. I'm back on the diet wagon. At the end of 2008 I was
236 pounds & still gaining like the world was running out of food. I'm down to 223 now. I've only missed one run & that was because my wife had to take a placement test & register for collage. Which is another wonderful thing for the new year. My wife has decided to take the extra time she has at home & take some collage courses with the hopes of getting into Dental Hygiene school in 2 years. During the 2 days a week she's in class I'll take that time to do something special with my babies. One on on time with my 2 little ones has been rare this last year. I'm very excited about the special time I'll have with my babies.


All in all things are great, I'm out of my workout & diet slump. I didn't get back on the wagon in time to be light enough to crush the 2 duathlon in Feb like I had planned. Even if I stay hard core with no cheating by the Desert Classic Duathlon on February 22nd I'll only be down to 210-215. The race on the 22nd is a qualifier for the National Duathlon championships. At 200-205 I think I had a chance to take a top 3 Clydesdale & qualify. Not at my current weight that's for dang sure. But the most important thing is that I've stopped the momentum of gaining weight & missing workouts. I'm back on track to crush my 2 most important A races of the year which is & the Jay Benson triathlon in Albuquerque May 10th & the Dog House sprint in Lubbock TX May 17. I'm very pumped up about being a sprint specialist & having some blazing speed this year. Keep your fingers crossed for me that I can get to that 200 pound mark to be as light as possible while still being able to keep my Clydesdale status.

Thanks for tuning in, I'm out!

Does God really care about triathlons?

I had a Sgt. at work last night say to me "I heard you do triathlons?" I told him with much excitement & pride about the Ironman I just completed in November in 14 hrs 36 minutes. He promptly said you don't look like someone who could do an Ironman.

I'd be insulted if it wasn't true. Fact is I'm a big fat triathlete. I complete numerous triathlons every year in spite of having a gut that hangs over my belt & have what my buddies call a "ghetto booty". I mean, I'm only 5'11 and weight 236!!!

Almost 6 years ago I weighed 300 pounds & couldn't run more than 20 yards at a time. Even in high school when I was reasonably fit I was a horrid runner. I was in the slow runners group in the military too. All that changed when I got down on my knees & prayed for God to help me. He threw triathlon in my lap almost immediately. Through Him I've found a healthy lifestyle that assists me in keeping some of my weight off. I've become a good swimmer & cyclist. But most surprising I've become a great runner. In May I ran in a triathlon that I kept up a 6 minute 15second run pace for 5 Kilometers. I then topped it off by keeping a 23.3 mph pace on the 20 Kilometer bike & an 8:30 400 meter swim. That's not me I can promise you. That's a higher power working there.

When my wife & I first got married we tried to conceive. After almost 2 years we were at whit's end. We had tried everything to have a baby. Nothing had worked. One particularly hard day after my wife & I broke down & cried my wife & I got down on our knees & prayed. We continued to put it in God's hands from that point on. A little over 2 months later we found out we were pregnant. Not coincidental timing I assure you. I ask you what is impossible through God? Miracles don't need to be a rare thing. They are possible to anyone who does what Jesus asks of us. I told my Sgt. these things & he asked & I quote "Do you really think God cares about triathlons & who races in them? I mean come on He's got bigger things in the world to be concerned about!"

I don't want to win if my only goal is to win. Even 1st place trophies eventually collects dust & are forgotten. God put me here for Him. To honor Him Jesus said the most important thing is to love God with everything we are & to love others like we love ourselves. So if I win every race & miss that then I've accomplished nothing. I think triathlon is just another way to honor God. God cares about my faith. He cares where my heart is. If I can carry my faith into triathlon then yes He cares about triathlon because He cares about me. He sent His only son to die for me so that I could live for Him. It's not just on the triathlon course I need to honor him. I need to honor Him in my relationships, in my respect for authority, at work, & when I'm at home surfing the inter-net. I'd like God to bless me so much in triathlon that people talk about what He did through me. But that means I have to give Him my best in every area of my life. If I win I'll praise Him, if I lose I'll praise Him. Either way I'll try to honor Him in my actions & my attitudes. Our attitude is the aroma of the heart. If our attitude stinks then our hearts not right. I have resolved to give God everything I've got. Then I'll leave the results to Him.
Cody Hanson

swim lessons & stuff

My daughter starts her first swim lesson tomorrow. I'll be taking her every Monday. My wife will be taking her every Wednesday since I work on those nights. While she's getting her lesson her baby brother will be able to partake in some fun in the water too! All of us are very excited about this. Should be a ton of fun.

In May my most important race for the year is the Jay Benson Triathlon. After the adult race they put on a children triathlons. If my daughter can swim 25 meters by then she'll be attempting her first triathlon race at 3 years 8 months old;) That's 4 months away & she's already asking her Mom & I when her race is, if I will clap for her, & a few other questions that only a 3 year old could make so dang cute.

The day after Christians my daughter and I built our first snow man together. We had a blast. Ended up being a very sentimental thing for me for some reason. But then again, what doesn't get sentimental when your doing a first anything with your child. Here's the pictures.

These holidays were the most fun I've ever had. By far the best Holiday of my life. Unfortunately it wasn't very good for my waist line. I'm up to 236 pounds. I've only got one pair of work pants that still fit & my wedding band doesn't fit any longer. This week I missed 3 workouts, the first time I've ever done that. This morning I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I've felt like that 2 other times. The first was right before I decided to start training for triathlons to control my weight which had gotten up to 292 pounds. The other time was last Nov when I got up to 256 & failed to finish the Silverman.

Anytime I had got to that low point I ended up kicking the diet & workouts into gear & got great results. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Getting motivated couldn't happen any sooner because my B race is the WSMR duathlon on February 7th. Only 4 weeks away. I'm to the point of do or die with that race right now.

I'll keep you updated on how the training goes for my daughter & I;) Gosh I'm excited about her lessons.

The holidays

My little girl understood Christmas for the first time this year. She was looking forward to Santa Clause coming. She understood about the presents. Most importantly she understood that it was Jesus B-day. She sang the happy B-day song to Jesus almost everyday. Very sweet.

My son watched my daughter open a couple gifts & figured out exactly what to do. He got on a roll with the present opening to say the least. He squealed every time he opened a new gift & saw what it was. His favorite present was a Pooh teddy bear;)

2 days after Christmas I had annual leave from work so we could watch UFC 92. A guy training out of Albuquerque won the light heavy weight championship belt, first NM'er in MMA to win a championship.

My 2 best buds Jimmy & Brandy came over to watch it with my family & I. Jimmy brought his bike & indoor trainer over & we pumped out a Chris Carmichael sprinting DVD before the fight. Great workout, great company.

On Friday my son woke up from his nap & yelled Mommy for the first time. Then On Saturday he woke up from a nap & yelled Daddy. I was very touched. I must admit I got very teary eyed. This was the best Holiday season I've ever had, by far. God really has blessed me.

Last Sunday I rode my bike to church which is a 40 mile ride one way. The temp was 20 degrees when I started. My feet, hands, & torso were very cold by the time I got to church.

This Sunday it was even colder on my ride to church, 13 degrees, so I tried a couple things differently. I tried a new pair of gloves, a pair of Pearl Izumi Lobster claw gloves to see if it would help fight off the cold better. They did. So much for my $70 Gore-Tex cold weather cycling gloves. Those were no good. Which surprised me because the Pearl Izumi gloves were cheaper but much more affective. I wore 3 water wicking base layer shirts & a wind breaker on top that fellow Clydesdale Jason McClure gave me a couple weeks ago. It was the perfect combination. The 3 layers of clothing pulled all the sweat from my skin & pushed it up against my wind breaker like they was supposed to. It was so cold that once the sweat reached the windbreaker the sweat froze. Check out the pick I took when I took off the wind breaker. That's sweat, not snow.

So no problems fighting the cold on my hands or torso at all. My feet were still cold the last hour of my ride. I'm really hoping Performance bikes sends me my new cold weather cycling boots soon.

My water bottles froze 30 minutes into the ride so I was unable to drink any fluids on the ride. I think dehydration was the reason both of my hamstrings were cramping going up Heart Break Hill. I think if I start keeping my bottles in my cycling jersey underneath the wind breaker my body temperature will keep the fluid from freezing. I'll try it next Sunday & let you know how it works. All in all I am really enjoying my Sunday long rides. It's a great challenge & the conditions have broken up the monotony of the usual same old rides.

I am looking at my last couple weeks, heck, my whole life in general & have realized how lucky I really am. Everything is going better than I could ever hope for. Well, everything except my battle with my weight. I've been trying to lose weight. In the last 2 weeks instead of losing I've jumped up from 226 to 232. Pretty much no way to reach my goal weight of 195 by my next race on Feb 7th like I had hoped. At best I'll make my 195 goal weight by April sometime. Which means I've decided to race the entire season as a Clydesdale. No shame in that at all. It's one of the most competitive divisions in the South West. There are two people racing in the Clydesdale division that have beaten the heck out of me in races this year already. Jason McClure & George Ferland. Should be a fun & challenging season. I'll keep you informed on how the season progresses.

Thanks for tuning in & remember to give all glory to our Lord Jesus Christ.

plan to survive

Saturday night I was going in to work. I work at night. Before I left for work I pulled my road bike in the house & prepared it for my ride to church in the morning. I had to get my bike prepped before I left for work because by the time I get home at 6:15 am I only have 15 minutes to get on the road . If I get on the road any later than 6:30 am I'd be late to church.

Sunday morning as soon as I got home I threw on my cold weather riding gear, filled up the tires with air & went on my way. The temp at the start of my ride was 20 degrees. I had on my Gore-Tex cycling gloves, which unfortunately does not keep my hands warm in temps under 30 degrees like they claimed. So I put a thick pair of wool socks on top of the gloves. My hands were still very cold on the ride. But hey, if I don't mind it don't matter.

On my feet I had on a pair of socks, a grocery bag on top of the socks, my cycling shoes, another grocery bag, & lastly a pair of cold weather booties (my cold weather boots were to small so I returned them to Performance bike). My feet felt great the first 2 hrs of the ride, but since the grocery bags don't allow the sweat from my feet to escape, after 2 hrs my socks were soaked which made for feet that felt like blocks of ice. Made for a miserable last 1hr 20 minutes.

As I had said, I pumped up my tires in doors & my bike had been indoors all night. This created a problem. The temps in my house was just shy of 70 degrees, the temp outside was 20 degrees. Its common knowledge that air expands when it warms, & the opposite happens when the air gets cold. When the air in my tires went from the 70 degree temps & 120 psi, to the 20 degree temps outside the air pressure gradually decreased. It decreased a lot! So much so that the rolling resistance went up dramatically! Within an hour of riding I was struggling to keep up a speed of 11 miles per hour on the flats where I'd normally keep up over a 16 mph speed rather easily.

The other part of the ride that I struggled with was staying hydrated. My water bottles froze. Kind of hard to drink Gatorade when it is in the solid form. I know, sounds horrible. & although my decreased speeds & thirst were frustrating, I had a blast! This ride was very uncomfortable, perhaps even dangerous. But not my worst days training condition by far. My most uncomfortable day of training was 2 years ago when I went for a 45 minute run in 4 degree temps with the wind-chill it was negative 11 degrees. When I got back from my run my stomach & the top of my head were a purple-blue & completely numb to the touch. I was in beginning stages of frost bite.

Why train in such harsh conditions? Simply put I want to live. I have the will to survive. The will to fight through situations others wouldn't even think of being in. The drive to not give up when most people would curl up into a ball & hope for mercy is not accidental. It is a mindset. The will to fight is not something people are born with. It's something that has to be harvested. It takes conscious mental training. After 13.5 years of working at the penitentiary I have learned what it takes to live. It takes mindset to survive no matter what the conditions are.

There was a case in California where a teenage kid was shot in the bicep by the cops. It was just a grazing shot. Not at all life threatening. The police told the kid out of spite, knowing it to be untrue, "I don't think your going to make it kid." The teenager died right there. The kid wasn't mentally prepared to fight for life. He heard something he wasn't expecting. He gave up.

There's been numerous times where I've seen inmates stabbed. But they rarely die. I've seen first hand where inmates were stabbed 20-30 times, & they lived. One time in particular an inmate was stabbed over 45 times with a rusted nail in the the face, eyes, neck, & chest. In less than a week he was out of the hospital & back in his cell. Why can they live getting stabbed numerous times, but an average Joe on the streets dies from one or 2 minor stab wounds? Mindset, inmates expect it to happen & are mentally prepared to fight & survive. Most people hope bad things don't happen. When something traumatic happens they go into shock. Shock is more than a physical condition. It has to do with a persons mindset. Along with the physical trauma, shock is determined also by how prepared you are mentally when your put into a position to fight or give up.

How often do you hear of a person curling up in a ball when they start getting beat up. Why did they curl into a ball, stop fighting & hope their attackers compassion saves them? Mindset. They should know they're going to take punishment once they go down to the ground. The attacker will start kicking & stomping them, regardless of whether they curl into a ball or if they roll onto their back & try to kick the aggressors knee caps through the back of their legs. So why roll into a submissive position & give up all hope? Mindset.

Giving up is more than just becoming submissive. Giving up effects the body in ways the average guy could never know. Why does one person fight through & beat a cancer that Dr.'s gave a slim chance of beating & a person who is healthy dies shortly after their spouse passes away? Mindset. You are either prepared to survive or willing to die. There's no in-between.

I have learned to constantly imagine myself in certain situations & think how I will respond. If an inmate jumps me & I'm suddenly in a fight for my life that I was not expecting to be in what will I do? I constantly go through that situation in my head. What will I do if he has a knife? If I get stabbed? If someone comes after me in front of my family on the streets? What will I do? I mentally train myself to fight with every ounce of strength I have in me until I win. No other option. Until I win. There's no surrender or submission. There's no shock, only attack back. Fight! I will use my fear, my strength, aggression, my love, or my anger at being in that situation. I'll strike with my fists, swing my radio like a ball & chain, I'll stab with my pen, gouge eyes, break knees, crush wind pipes, what ever it takes to come out that situation the victor. I train myself mentally to be prepared to win by ANY MEANS. & I've prepared myself to keep fighting no matter what kind of damage I sustain. I'll make them realize they are no longer the hunter. That person WILL think to themselves & very quickly, "oh crap, what have I gotten myself into. I don't think this was a good idea." I train myself to continue the fight for life even after the conflict is over. The fight for life doesn't end with the conflict. The fight continues all the way until I'm completely healed from whatever damage I sustained.

I never allow myself to think, "I'll react this way- but I hope it never happens." I have learned to expect it WILL happen. & when it does I will respond with overwhelming force & determination. & there's no situation I haven't already thought of & put myself through in my head over & over again

Before I married my wife I took freezing cold showers before work to put myself in an uncomfortable situation. To start a certain mindset. Daily I cultivated a mental toughness & will power to over come & expect uncomfortable situations. Now, I take warn showers, just in case your wondering.

A few years ago I went to go on a bike ride & it ended up getting very cold very unexpectedly. It was a miserable ride. I got home & sat in the bath tub filled with warm water trying to stop shaking & attempting to regain the feeling in my hands & feet. It hit me then that I could use triathlon training as a tool to build even more of my will to fight & survive. The will to fight through situations where most people wouldn't even have attempted. Winter is the best time to combine triathlon & building mental toughness. From here on out as long as the roads are dry, I will continue to ride the 40 miles one way to church on my bike this winter. But from now on I will remember to leave my bike outside in the shed & in the cold. I'll also pump up the tires outdoors in the cold. I'm training my mind to be tough yes, but not at the expense of speed!

Thanks for tuning in. I'm out.

Polar Bear triathlon & the SW Challenge series

This Saturday Dec 13th was the Polar Bear tri in White Sands Missile Range. It ended up being a5 k run/40k bike/ 400m swim. I had a really poor race. I'm sure the reason is because I just completed Ironman Arizona 20 days before the Polar Bear. Right off the bat I was struggling. I had a really slow run. I just couldn't seem to get up to the run speeds I have done all year. Normally my run is my strength. But today my run was flat.

My biggest competition for the series, Jason McClure, had a great run. What I normally have to do to finish ahead of him is lay a smack down on the run because he's such a superior cyclist. Then I have to try & keep his lead to 1-1.5 minutes on the bike. I can make up a 1-1.5 minutes in the water.

Today he was able to stay with me on the run & beat me silly on the bike There were at least 4 people who could easily qualify as Clydes who passed me on the bike or run & whom I was never able to repass.

I put maximum effort into the bike, but was again flat & had no ability to pick up the speeds. The bike was a 40k. About 3/4 into it I bonked pretty hard. Considering how I felt, I was happy with how I was able to dig deep & overcome the pain.

I got into the water hoping to catch some of the Clydes who had dominated me today. I was able to catch & pass 5 or 6 people, but all of them were either little guys who were obviously not anywhere near the Clyd weight or they were girls. But hey, I'm not picky. At least I was able to pass someone during this race.

Even though I finished with a poor time I had a lot of fun! I was able to hang out with fellow triathletes who are always a lot of fun & supportive The other good news is that this race is only 20 days after IMAZ & I was able to finish with no injuries. God really blessed me with pretty much a bullet proof body. I've never got hurt from racing or training (excluding 1 bike wreck or mistakenly running 800 miles on one pair of shoes).

Unfortunately the race started at 8am & at 11am at the awards ceremony the RD said the results won't be available until 3pm. Hhhmmm. I could figure out the results with a pen & paper in a couple hours. Consequently I was late getting to the South West Challenge Series awards ceremony. But, I was able to get my first place 30-34 age group champion award. All in all a great day!

I found out today that the South west Challenge series no longer gives a quarter point after our 8th race. it's just the person who has the most points up to 8 races. No extra points.

I think the series should give extra points for extra races because it encourages athletes to attend more races. There should be incentives for doing more local races. Why should there be a cap? If I hit 8 ten point races I'm unlikely to sneak in many more, if any. I mean, I'd be maxed out with points anyway. Where as if there are other people in my division who may do more than 8 races I'd be forced to do more to stay competitive. If the series only allows the best 8, after I get 8 great races in I'll just train & avoid the extra costs of gas, hotel, & entry fees. Shouldn't there be rewards for supporting more local races, not less?

Just curious if I'm the only one who thinks that way. Don't get me wrong, I'm very gratefull for the SW series. Best thing since sliced bread. But it could be better by bringing back the bonus points.

Thanks for tuning in.

stupid M-dot tattoo & my weekly weight

On to other not so good news. I got an Ironman tattoo on the back of my calf the day after IMAZ. A few days later it had scabbed up well, & I went on a swim. I was in the water long enough that the scab became very soft from being water logged. After I got out of the water I squatted down to pick up my swim gear from the pool deck. Apparently a water logged scab from a tattoo is very fragile. When I squatted down my swim suit rubbed the scab & a good portion of the skin below off. It didn't hurt at all & I keep my tattoo's hygienic, so it's not like there was pain or a serious risk of infection Now that a few days has passed I see somehow ripping off the scab had taken most of the color from my tat. So instead of a red M-dot, it's now a pink one. I called my tattoo guy & he said I couldn't get it recolored until it was fully healed. That would be approximately 5 weeks. Most winters that wouldn't be a problem because I would not be wearing shorts. But on Dec 13th I have the Polar Bear which I'll be wearing a one piece tri suit & my new pink Ironman tattoo will be clearly visible to all 300 fellow competitors & their families, race support crews etc. Uugg. I can't believe this. Make bad to worse people will assume bad things because I live in Santa Fe. Oh man. The things that happen to me. I'd laugh if I wasn't horrified.

I weighed in at 221 this morning. 26 pounds until my goal weight. No problem. Last year I had 61 pounds to lose to get to that same weight. I learned much about my body last year. It should be pretty easy to get to 195 by my next A race, The Trisport.com dessert classic duathlon in Phoenix Az on Feb 22nd 2009.

An Ironman is a major accomplishment for any athlete. But I saw something at Ironman Arizona that straight blew my mind. There was a guy there who did the entire bike leg on a BMX single speed! He was #417. He finished the bike leg in 8:28 minutes & the entire race in 16:27 minutes. I felt that guy needed props.

Time off & a new season

Well, it's now post race. In other words it's rest & recovery time. This is always the hardest time of the year for me. By far the hardest. Last November rather than R&R I rode my bike from Santa Fe NM to Hobbs NM. A 3 day 330 mile ride. I really hate not being able to go out for a good workout. I have become a workout junky. I feel like I'm going through hard core drug withdrawals. The only reason I didn't go out for a ride today was because my wife threatened to call my coach & rat me out.

It's only been 5 days since Ironman Arizona. 5 days of total rest & I'm dying! Today was the last day of my vacation & my wife told me she's looking foreword to me going back to work because all the pacing I'm doing is making her nervous. I think part of the reason behind my difficulty to R&R this time is that all 5.5 years of triathlon training I've put in has been for the goal of becoming an Ironman. Each year one thing or another happened to prevent me from becoming an Ironman. Now this year I have a new and exciting goal.

As I've said before, ultra endurance isn't what my body is built for. Even though all I've trained for my entire triathlon career is ultra endurance triathlons, I don't finish well comparatively to the others in my division. I train long, yet I finish the highest in my division the shorter the race. So now after all these years, instead of training to overcome my weaknesses I'm going to train to build my strengths!!! & hot dog am I excited!!! My first A race this year is going to be an Olympic distance duathlon in Feb in Phoenix Arizona. It's a qualifier for the duathlon world championships. I really think I have the potential to be scary fast now that I'm going to be concentrating on short, fast, intense, & in my opinion FUN races! Man, I don't think I can express how pumped up I am. Obviously my training will be designed to be speed specific. That alone will increase my short course ability. On top of that I've set 3 other goals to help me accomplish the goal for break neck speeds.

1) get to 195 pounds. I started my diet yesterday. I learned a lot about dieting last year & plan on using that info to help me this year.

2) take my HR every morning without fail. There were a couple times I went pretty deep into over training last year. Those bouts of over training really set my training back. That could of been avoided if I'd of simply been better about taking my resting HR.

I have a tendency to gain a lot of weight during my taper. Part of it is the decreased training. But the majority of my weight gain came from me stressing about my upcoming event. I was slow in recognizing that. But now that I figured that out I think I'll be able to minimize it more this next year. Plus the stress of another possible Iron failure won't be hanging over my head all year. So goal #3) Not get above 215 pounds during my next taper. The lightest I've ever been for an A race was 236. & that was this weekend at IMAZ. If I could keep below 215, I would be very fast indeed. Ah, the excitement builds!!!! Now if my 2 weeks of time off could just end so I could start training for this beautiful new season! I've already signed up for my first race of the 2009 season. It's the Polar Bear Triathlon December 13th. I won't be at my best because I'll still be healing from my Iron, & I will have just started training again. I've taken a look at my competition I'll be up against next year for the SW series. I'll need each & every point I can get. The 30-34 AG has some bloody fast racers, the only reason I won it last year was because no one finished a full 8 races. This year I plan on winning regardless of how many races my competition finish! Wish me luck!

Ironman arizona post race report

Front row: Brandy, me, my wife, my daughter, my triathlon Coach Pete who flew all the way from Co. to watch my first Iron. In the back there is one of the greatest people I've ever met: Couch Potatoe to Ironman.

My new Ironman tatoo

Nov 23rd 2008 I attempted Ironman Arizona in Tempe AZ. Ironman is not an easy
race to complete even in the most gifted & talented of triathletes. I do not have the genes for ultra endurance events. I trained for 5.5 years. & on November 23rd I finally accomplished one of my biggest all time goals. I am now an Ironman!

The 2.4 mile swim was in the Tempe town lake. The water was a little chilly @ 58 degrees. The lake was smooth with no waves or turbulence. I couldn't feel much of a current. I did well on the swim leg. I was expecting to finish between 1hr 30 min to 1 hr 40 minutes. I did it in 1hr 27 minutes. What I was surprised about was how good I felt getting out of the water. Virtually no fatigue at all. Shortly after I started my bike leg I saw my wife, Brandy, & my 2 children holding
signs they'd made, waving, & screaming my name. Most of the triathletes who saw thier family waved & continued peddling on their way. I couldn't help it. I got off my bike & gave hugs & kisses to all those who had come all that way to show their support & love for me in this big day. My daughter was holding a sign that said "#447 we love you stinky!" Stinky is the nick name my daughter & I have been calling eachother since she was an infant.

As I was peddling away & waving my 3 year old daughter yelled "Daddy you are my hero!" I must confess, when she said that I lost it. I cried for the first ten minutes of my 112 mile bike ride. The first of the 3 laps I was having a hard time controlling my heart rate. After that things went perfectly. I ended the bike in 6hrs 58 minutes. I was guestimating a bike time of 7-75 hrs. A little faster than planned again.

On the 26.2 mile run I started off feeling great! I was averaging 9.5 minute miles which is the pace I had found I could keep for that distance. At mile 4 I tried to eat a gel, but when I tried to swallow it I had issues doing just that. For the next mile or so I was fighting off the urge to puke. Apparently I should not have tried to force that last one down because from that point on I had
excruciating abdominal pain & cramping. I was reduced to a very slow jog or fast walk the remaining 21 miles & unable to keep any Gatorade gels or bars down. The marathon took me 5hrs 56 minutes. Couch potatoe to Ironman was there at the finish to scream & yell with me like a couple crazy guys. Perfect ending to a great race! By the way, next year it's your turn Couch potatoe to Ironman. You can bet I'll be there to sopport you just like you did for me this year.

I finished in a total time of 14 hrs & 39 minutes which was one hr earlier than what I guessed I'd accomplish, & half an hour better than what I had hoped for. All in all I'm very excited about the day. Finally after all this time, I am an Ironman. After the race I asked my wife why she tolerated & supported me training so much & spending so much money on training & equipment. She said "because your dreams are my dreams". That was the 2nd time that day I cried. I have the best wife any man could ever dream of.

6 days until Ironman Arizona & cold weather training

Well, 6 days until Ironman Arizona. By Sunday night I will be an Ironman. I feel strong & confident. My training regiment has been spectacular. I'm weighing at 220 right now. Not as low as I'd like, but more than low enough to race well. My family & I will be leaving for Tempe AZ on Thursday morning. Friday I'll get my race packet. Saturday is equipment drop off & the mandatory pre-race meeting. Sunday morning is the day I've been training for 5.5 years. God willing I will conquer this distance.

Race stats 7am Az time Sunday morning. If you'd like to track my progress get onto http://www.ironmanlive.com/ & type in my name, Cody Hanson. That sight will keep you updated on where I am on the course. It will give you my splits, time, average pace, etc.

Last week a small cold front had come through northern New Mexico. I'm weighing 35 pounds less than what I was last winter. Weighing less sure makes a person cold easier! It was about 51 degrees out. Last year I'd of been fine going on a bike ride in my usual attire of sweat pants & cotton T-shirt- yes I train in sweat pants & cotton T-shirts. Sweat pants only cost $7 at Wal-Mart & I get a cotton T-shirt @ every race I do (I usually average 12-16 races a year, that's a lot of free shirts). Cycling pants are around $60. Cycling shirts are $50. I'm much to cheap to train in a $150 outfit when for $7 I can ride/run in sweats & a free shirt. Every year I train all year long. Even on the coldest of days I still swim, bike, & run. Running in the cold is no problem. I just wear multiple layers & as I run & warm up I take layers off. I took a 45 minute run last winter in -9 degree with the wind chill. Not comfortable, but doable non-the-less.

Now, cycling in extreme weather is a little more difficult. As long as there is no snow or ice on the road I'll still go out & complete my scheduled rides. Up until this year I'd wear a Baklava, 1 or 2 pairs of gloves, multiple pairs of sweat pants and sweat shirts, & a conglomeration of stuff on my feet. For my feet I'd start off putting on a pair of cycling socks, then I'd put a plastic Wal-Mart bag over the socks, then I'd put on a pair of white cotton socks, then my cycling shoes, then if needed another Wal-Mart bag on top of the shoes, & lastly I'd put on a pair of cycling booties. This worked great in temps as low as 30 degrees. But anything colder than that & my feet would still get cold. Very cold. If my ride was long, by the time I got back my feet would often times be so cold they were completely & totally numb. When I got back from my bike ride & started my run I'd frequently stumble. It's not easy running when you can't feel your feet. I even fell a few times. Funny looking back, but sure wasn't funny at the time.

This year I've decided to spoil myself. I bought myself a pair of Lake CXZ302 Winter Road Shoe's, $250. Expensive, but these bad boys are good in temps as low as 10 degrees! I'm also going to buy a pair a clod weather gloves. I'm still unsure what pair to buy. I'd hate to spend the $ on a pair of cold weather cycling gloves only to find out the pair I bought doesn't work well. I was thinking of buying a pair of GORE-Tex BIKE WEAR Cross Gloves. Any suggestions on gloves that work well in freezing weather please share the info.

On a side note here, I took my 2 children in to get their hair cut on Monday at Jungle Cuts in Albuquerque. As my daughter was getting her hair cut I asked her jokingly if she wanted a hair cut like mine? She responded in her sweet little 3 year old voice "no Daddy, you have no hair on your head. It's all on your back." The 2 girls who worked in the shop laughed so hard they were crying. I was SO embarrassed. It's true, kids say the darndest things;)

Diet motivation & work update

At church on Sunday a great sermon was preached by an elder while our Pastor is hunting with his eldest children. It was an outstanding sermon. I really love my church.

That Sunday was what I call "a bad day". I was out of control with my eating. I had a McDonald's breakfast, nothing good ever comes from the golden arches. During the sermon I was thinking about what I was going to eat before I went to sleep (I work nights, sleep at day). My food fantasies was interrupted by a fellow church member coming up to me & sharing with me that she hadn't had any candy in over a week! This same fellow Christian told me a couple weeks ago that she had found my blog & had felt my pain about dieting. She said she too has been struggling with her weight & that she found occasional motivation & support from reading my blog. I was speechless and touched. For someone to tell me my blog was helping them in their life even a little bit felt great. When I blog I do it as a way to express myself, as a stress relief, & sometimes even to brag a little;) To find out that my blog helped another was wonderful. To wonderful to put into words.

But back to how this time she helped me. As I'd said, I was having a bad diet day. My bad diet days are not what a person without an eating disorder could really understand. Overeating only partially explains what is happening to someone with my problem. The eating is only part of the problem. It's an addiction. Even when I'm full & couldn't eat another bite I'm only thinking of what other kind of a fix I could get, where, & how quickly. What would hit the spot, or fulfill my craving. No matter what I put in my mouth I don't feel the satisfaction most people get. Obsessed is the only word I can think of that can explain the deep rooted desire. I get truly obsessed about what I will eat, what would taste great right now, how much I'll have of each food, in what combinations, and so forth. Once I get into my overeating mode it's very very hard to get out of it. It would be humiliating to have someone see what I an doing so when I become enthralled in my food lusts I isolate myself from everyone. I'll sneak food into the bathroom or somewhere I can eat without being embarrassed or, even worse interrupted or made to slow down. I'll tell my wife or whomever I'm around I'm going to do some chores & I'll hit multiple places to eat. I'll get my favorite foods from each place I stop or drive through. I tried to explain this to my best buddy one time & he told me next time that I want to do that just stop! If I could stop during one of my episodes, I would because I really despise myself when I'm stuck in a binge. There's rarely anything that can stop or slow down one of my episodes. But that morning my fellow church member did just that. I'd be lying to say I stopped it all together. But she inadvertently was able to get me to minimize it quite a bit. Still had a lot of calories. But it was a FRACTION of what I would of done if it wasn't for her sharing with me her accomplishment & the high five she gave me. God helped me through her that day.

I put in for Sergeant at work like I had said I was going to. I don't really want the promotion because I love the position I'm in right now, & to be honest I'm secretly hoping I won't get it. I'm hoping there will be more highly qualified people putting in for it. The list of people putting in for the position is good for 12 months. So any Sergeant spots that open up here at the State Penitentiary for 1 year will be filled with the highest scoring person left on the list. The last 2 times this position was opened the list was completely exhausted. The most recent time, if I would have put in for Sergeant I would of been #2 in seniority. The good news is this time there are 5 people with more seniority than me! The bad news is there are already 8 Sergeant positions available. Immediately after the first round of Sergeant promotions the Penitentiary will be promoting any Sergeants who qualify for the Lieutenant spot, which opens up even more Sergeant positions. There are also quite a few Sergeants & Lieutenants who will be retiring in the next 12 months, which you guessed it, opens up even more spots!I know it sounds ridiculous that I'm putting in for a promotion & hoping I wont get it. It boils down to there being a lot more reasons to get the higher rank than to stay where I am. There's only one reason to stay where I am right now. 2 if you include complacency. The other is simply that I like my current post & position. The reasons to take the promotion is longer. I'll just list the major ones to make it easier reading.
1) If I make Sergeant I'll be back in the cell blocks & will have more opportunities to share Gods word with some people in much need of it.
2) I'll have to work less overtime to make the same amount of pay, so I'll have more time at home with my children
3) I only have 8 years left at the State Penitentiary before I can retire. But I'll have a higher pay grade in retirement for the rest of my life if I take the promotion.

Well, the written & oral board will be conducted in January or February. I'll let you know how it goes. Wish me luck, or bad luck. I'd be happy to have either one;)

One thing I have learned from today's post, even after 13 years I still can't spell Penitentiary. Thank goodness for spell check;)

Tapering for IMAZ & a little advise

First thing, thank you to any veteran out there. My family & I are very grateful for the service you provided or are providing America. Boots Wiggins, a blog I follow regularly just got deployed to Bahrain with the Navy. He had to leave his wife & 2 small children here in the states. Since it's Veteran's day today, & if you have the time, hop on his blog & thank him for his service. I know it would mean the world to him. Again, thank you Veterans.

12 days until my Ironman. Ironman Arizona. I feel fast, by far the fastest I've ever felt tapering for an Iron, this being my 3rd time. My endurance is great. I have a new fast bike, a Cannondale Carbon Slice. I have a super fast set of HED 3 tubular wheels. This month I slowed WAY down on working overtime at work so I'll be rested going into race day. I'm 42 pounds lighter than last years DNF at the Silverman. All things seem to be pointing to a successful race, & I'm excited. Very excited.

The only thing I'm not so excited about right now is this dang taper. I don't do well with tapers. Before a big race an endurance athlete should never cut calories. Add that with the decreased training & that is rough on my waist line. But then I add the fact that I'm dealing with an eating disorder, then a taper turns into a nightmare. When I get overly emotional about things I turn to food for comfort. I'm REALLY excited about the race, & a little apprehensive, as any triathlete would be about an upcoming Ironman. I'm a little stressed about possibly making Sergeant at work. I'm also an all or nothing kind of a guy. I'm either hard core about my diet, or I'm off the wagon & eating out of control. Not usually any in between there. I'm amazed I'm only weighing 215 because I've been eating like a pregnant rhino (I assume they eat a lot when with child-er- rhino baby- whatever). But I'm also very optimistic. November 24th, the day after my Iron I'm going to be able to start dieting again. After eating so much for the last month I'm ready for some disciplined eating. & hey, I'm only at 215. Even now that I'm a little out of control with the eating I'm still lighter than any other year of adulthood;)

In July this year I got down to the lowest I'd ever weighed as an adult. 188 pounds. I promptly shot back up to 215 in about a month. This year I have to choose whether to race as a Clydesdale (200 pound or above) or as an age grouper (my age group this next year, if I am able to stay under 200 pounds will be 30-34). This year I raced the whole year as an AG 30-34 (won that age group in the South West too!), but was actually only under 200 pounds for about 1 month. I have no idea if I could stay below 200 pounds for the entire 2009 year, but I have to decide which division to race in by December 13th. Dec 13th is the Polar Bear Triathlon, which is the first race I'll be competing in for the 2009 season. To make a long story short, the reason I have to decide right away which division to race in is because I compete in the South West Challenge Series. Its a Multisport series that has 24 plus races in which a triathlete gets points for every race he/she completes in a year. The better a person does in a race the more points a person gets. If I do part of my races as an AG, & part as a Clydesdale then there's no way at all I could be competitive in either division. If I decide to race as a Clyde then realize part way into the season that I could get below 200, but don't so I can keep my Clydesdale status I'd be limiting my speed potential. Simply put, in biking & running, light is fast. If I race as an AG 30-34, but am unable to get below 200 pounds than I'd be racing in a highly competitive division at a severe disadvantage. Any advise or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

build your own bike rack & pics

Oh, how did this get on my blog? That shouldn't be here. I'll try & remove it sometime.

2 old friends & Jackie

My son & his Papa working in the garage

My wife teaching my daughter the proper way to watch "Days of our lives"

Me & my 4 oldest & best friends after watching Keith Jardine beat Brandon Verra @ UFC on Oct 18th 2008

Uncle Tom, Aunt Erin & my son

My 2 little ones going down the slide

My sons first hair cut

Dancing with my precious baby girl

This is how to build a cheap yet highly affective bike rack

http://oms.billmallin.com/images/web/bike_holder/

starting my taper

I had an amazing 3 days of training the end of this last week. On Thur I did a 7.7 mile run with 6X4 minutes in Z-3 W/ 2 min R/I.

On Friday I did a 6 hr bike (87 miles) followed by a 4 mile run. Felt GREAT the entire days training. Never felt tired. On the run after the 87 mile bike my legs felt light & fast.

On Sat morning I finished my 3 day stint of training with a 2hr 10 min run. Legs were a little fatigued, but much less than I would of thought they would. That was my last big push for Ironman. From here on out I'm doing a gradual taper.


The praying I've been doing has helped my training & mind set immensely! I feel great both physically & mentally. I feel strong, fast, & confident. Last year I trained just as hard for my Iron as this year. But I did not ask God for help. I went into that race overweight, & feeling bad all the way around. This year I decided to request Gods help. That has made all the difference in the world. Its my nature to try & take on triathlon on my own. Wanting to be the Captain of my ownship. But God wants to be a part of my life, even in my selfish endeavors. He has helped me along when I asked for help this year in training for Ironman Arizona. The times I struggled with my training & diet this year was when I stopped asking Him for help. No coincidence there.


I really believe I will succeed this year in my Ironman goal. I'm so excited. Looks like November 23rd, after 5.5 years of training, dreaming, & not giving up even after an amazing string of injuries, sickness, weight gain, DNF's, bad luck, & other colossal Iron failures that would of made others quit, I will finally be an Ironman. Here's to not giving up, continually striving for a a goal that at times seemed impossible, & strength in God!

A good week

Yesterday was the last day of a recovery week, or rest & test week as we triathletes call it. I feel great for the first time since early Sept. I was thinking about what could have caused such a drastic downward spiral the past couple months. I had been training & responding better from last November until this August than I have in 5.5 years of training & racing in triathlon. I've come up with 2 reasons. During the recovery weeks I'd had in the last couple months I had been sick. So I think my body was trying to fight off a sickness, thus was unable to heal my body from the intense training. I believe I was in the trows of overtraining. This is the first week I've felt great in 2 months. I feel better both mentally & physically. A depression I'd been feeling since uly has finally started to lift. I am glad to say, I really do feel great.

I believe the other, & biggest reason for me feeling better is that I have recently been leaning on God very heavily. Everyday before work I have been reading 1-2 chapters from the bible. I'm currently in chapter 3 of Luke. I've been praying more than I had been in a very long time. & I believe that has led to the improvements in my well being. God rewards his followers faithfulness. I've been praying for God to help with my depression. & especially this week, He has helped me feel happy again.

One of the things I've been praying for in the overall scheme of life truly is unimportant. I've been praying for God to help me with my eating/weight issues. As most of the readers of my blog know, I have MAJOR food issues. Much like a drug addict will turn to their drug of choice when they are stressed, sad, or have any kind of emotional stress. I turn to food. Most people turn to food for comfort a little. But to the degree I do it, there's no doubt there's a serious addiction problem going on. Thank goodness my addiction is food, because if I turned to alcohol to the degree I turn to food there's no doubt I'd of died of alcohol poisoning long ago. This last couple of weeks I haven't binged once. That feels great to be able to write. I HAVEN'T BINGED ONCE IN OVER 2 WEEKS! First time since late June that I could say that. Since July I had gone from 188 pounds to 2 weeks ago being a thick & miserable 217. I'm not currently dieting at all. An athlete should never try & lose weight before a big "A" race (Ironman Arizona, the biggest race of my life is now only 1 month & 3 days away). But since I've
started praying more I've dropped 8 pounds. I'm currently at 209. God knows me, & He chooses to help me in my fight with the bulge even though that particular concern really is frivolous in the grand scheme of things.

In church on Sunday my pastor told us he is starting a blog. His blog is now listed in My "blogs I follow" list. It is called A Glory Hunter. I found another blog yesterday while online that I am very excited about reading. It's written by Mark W Jr. He's a guy I've looked up to for many years. He's been very devoted in his walk with Christ for as long as I've known him. He's been an inspiration in my life since I found God back in 1999. What's so amazing about this guy is he's only 20, yet for 9 years he's been one of the best examples to me of what kind of a person I'd like to be. Faithful & strong in his walk with God. Always setting an example by his actions. Works tirelessly in helping others walk with the Lord. His blog is called One Thirst. Mark is in the army, & is currently deployed in a war zone right now. In the last 3 weeks his unit has had direct hits twice by mortar attacks. Many of the soldiers in his unit have died in thew last 3 weeks. Any out there who may read this, please please pray for him, the troops of his unit, & their families.

Thank you for tuning in. & SWtri gal, Iron Outlaw, the Clyeologist, & Boots Wiggins, I just wanted to thank you again for your support & words of encouragement the last month. They helped more than you could know.
Peace!

Where I train

I live & train in Santa Fe. It's 6800 ft above sea level so when I go out of state to race I am almost always racing at a much lower altitude. Since I live & train at such a high elevation I rarely get out of breath when I race. Limitless 0-2 in my arsenal baby!

There are paved country roads everywhere on the outskirts of the city. Some rolling hills, but mostly areas that require a lot of climbing. I have been planning on taking pictures of my training routes. My cousin and one of my best friends Greg came up from Hawaii to visit. While he was here we rode highway 14. Also known as Turquoise trail. He took some great pictures. I'll post them to show what gorgeous scenery I train in.


A little over half way up Heart Break Hill

North of Madrid
Beginning of Heart break Hill

Greg outside of Madrid
Tail end of Heart Break Hill
South of Madrid NM
Rock formations outside of Santa Fe

Near Madrid NM

The rising sun near Lone Butte
Cerrillos NM
This is the Diner in Madrid NM that Wild Hogs was filmed in. They built the Diner specifically for the movie. They paid the town of Madrid to let Disney film there unrestricted until the completion of the movie.

Ironman cut off times

My training hasn't gone well this last week. I got sick again. This time it was my yearly stomach virus. I was out for 3 days. No training for 3 days! Just me laid out on the couch. One thing I can guarantee you, I will not take for granted crossing the Iron finish line. Some people seem to be naturals. They are built for endurance athletics. I'm not one of those. I excel in sprint distance
triathlons. Usually in a sprint triathlon I'm in the top 10 percent. But going long has been a serious struggle for me. I've been training for an Iron finish non-stop now for 5.5 years. So far it has alluded me. But I'm not willing to give up. I'll push through the pain, injuries, sickness, & monotonous 6 hr bike rides & 3.5 hr runs. Some day I will be an Ironman.

My coach Pete Alfino sent me an email last week. He has made reservations to be there in Tempe on November 23rd when I attempt Ironman Arizona. He said he wanted to be there when I complete my first Iron. I'm excited that he'll be there. But I'm also worried. Last year he was going to do the same thing for me at the Silverman Ironman, but his plans to be in Nevada on race day ended up falling through. I remember being silently grateful. Up until last year he had never had a athlete DNF (did not finish) an Iron. I was his first athlete to DNF. Some 1st
time things are great to be there in person for. His first athlete DNF'ing after almost a decade of coaching isn't one of them. Now he'll be there for my 3rd attempt, my 2nd attempt with him coaching me.

For those who don't know there are cut off times during Ironman events. A person has to be done with the 2.4 mile swim in 2 hr 20 minutes. That shouldn't be a problem for me. I'm not a fast swimmer, but I believe I'll be out of the water in around 1 hr 40 minutes. 40 minutes to spare. The cut off time for the bike is 5:30 PM (race day start time is 7 AM). 8 hrs 10 minutes to go 112 miles on a bicycle. Last year I missed the bike cut of time by 45 minutes.

I'm not worried at all about the 26.2 mile run. The run cut off time is midnight. If I took the max amount of time to bike then I would have to be done with the run in 6.5 hrs. Running is my
strongest event. So I'm not really worried about the run cut off time. I'm guessing even if my legs are toast after a 2.4 mile swim & a 112 mile bike it shouldn't take me more than 5 hrs to finish the 26.2 mile run. So, in my mind, as long as I finish the bike in time, I should be able to cross the finish line before the Ironman cut off time of midnight. 3rd times a charm? I sure hope so. I want to hear the announcer say "Cody from New Mexico, you are an Ironman!" I dream of hearing those words. I have dreamed of hearing those words for almost 6 years now. Is this the year? We'll see in 6 weeks.

Great news. I called Bike World in Alb & threw a fit that after 5.5 weeks I still don't have the front fork for my tri bike. Originally Bike World claimed it would take 2 weeks. They're claiming that Cannondale just hasn't sent the fork yet. I didn't believe them. I thought they just hadn't taken the time to put it on. Well Bike World decided to call up Cannondale & they gave Cannondale as bad of a butt chewing as I gave Bike world. So now Cannondale is sending me a front fork free of charge. They are not even charging delivery. That's saving me $240 plus delivery. Great news!!! Thanks Bike World!!!

On Wednesday my daughter who is 3 years old figured out how to peddle her tricycle. Now that she has learned how to peddle by herself she's peddling all over the place! Talking about making up for lost time! Seems she and I are both in a major bike build phase! It's things like this that makes life so enjoyable. Being a Dad is the best gift God has ever given me.

On the up & up

I haven't blogged for awhile. Usually when I don't write in my blog it's because things have fallen apart in one form or another. I'm usually an optimistic person. So when I'm doing well, or planning on doing well I'll blog to share the excitement. I wasn't doing well. But I'm back on track now.

In early Sept I wrecked my new Cannondale carbon slice triathlon bike. I still haven't gotten it back from the bike shop yet. How long does it take to order & put on a new fork? Somehow I doubt it takes an entire month.
After the wreck I missed about a week of training while healing up the nicks & bruises. A couple days before I was ready to train again I got sick It was just a flue. But dang this was a kicker! On average I only get sick about once a year. It's usually a stomach virus, & it's usually during a big training block. Other than that one stomach virus a year I don't usually catch anything at all. As a matter of a fact I believe it's been almost 4 years since I got the flue. This one made up for it. I was down & out! It stuck around for a good 3 weeks. I missed another one & a half weeks training from sickness. Total time training lost was 2.5 weeks.

Late August I started to get depressed. That's very unusual for me. I don't get down in the dumps very often. I suppose because I'm always expecting things to get better, & since I'm always looking foreword to what tomorrow may bring, that by the time I realize I'm depressed I'm usually pretty deep into it. Last week I was having a hard time even getting out of bed. I'd missed more workouts this month than in any month in 5 years of me training for triathlon.

Some of the reasons for my emotional state was me missing my Dad who died in July.

Worry over my Mom, who isn't handling his death well. She tends to dive head first into projects, keeping herself busy enough that she won't have time to feel, much less heal. Which explained her heart attack in July.

My biggest reason for my emotional downer was that I've been missing my 2 children. I've been working 72-86 hrs a week since last Oct when my wife quite her job to be a stay at home Mom. I went from having 3 days at home with my babies while my wife was at work to only seeing them a couple hrs a day between shifts. That's been hard. Really hard. In the last year I've watched my daughter go from a complete Daddy's girl to wanting her Mom most of the time. That's understandable considering my wife is now there all of the time to give her the love & attention she needs. I'd do anything to go back to the way things were with my children. But to do that I'd have to break my wife's heart by having her go back to work again. One of the steps I've decided to do to help our financial situation is something I have been avoiding for 13 years of me working here at the new Mexico state Penitentiary. I'm going to put in for Sergeant. Call me content or complacent. Same thing I suppose. But I've always enjoyed my job so much that I didn't want to promote in fear that I'd end up hating my job like most every other person I've ever known. Given the choice between being content with my job or more time with my babies I'll choose more time with my children.

Now for the good news. My wife & I paid off our house last month so that means I can work a little less. Instead of working 70-80 hrs a week I'll only have to work 60 hrs a week to make our minimum bills. That's more time home with my kids, not as much as I'd like. But I'll take what I can get.

Since July I've gained 29 pounds. I went from a fast & slim 188 back up to a 217 pound Clydesdale. Jeez, it took a lot of effort to get from 257 last Nov to 188 this June. Half of that work on weight loss disappeared in 3 months time. Very disappointing. In June I had a 6 pack. No 6 pack now that's for sure.

My coach Pete Alfino wrote me an email a couple weeks ago. I wish I'd of kept it because it was very insightful. To sum it up he said I am way to hard on myself when things start to slip a little in training. I thought about what he said & I had a realization. During every build phase I've done just before my years "A" race I've gained between 30-50 pounds. Every time I start getting close to an A race I beat myself up if I miss a workout, or have a bad day training. When I get stressed I turn to food. When I turn to food I get pissed because I know I'm putting my A race in jeopardy by gaining weight. In turn the weight gain pisses me off and I turn to food to find temporary comfort. It had been a big snowball effect. That snow ball is the reason that after 5 years of training & 2 failed attempts I'm still not an Ironman.

I know, I know. I should of realized this pattern awhile ago. Not sure why I didn't see the pattern before. But regardless, I now know. I believe knowing what was happening & why will help me deal with this in the future. Perhaps I won't be able to completely stop the weight gain during every build phase. But I'd be willing to bet this knowledge will help slow the fat tide dramatically.

Since this realization my attitude has completely turned around. Since my attitude about working out has gotten better my workouts have gotten better again too. I've not gained weight this week for the first time since June.

So now I can start spending a little more time with my children & my triathlon training has gotten back on track. Things are better. Now if I could just get my triathlon bike back from Bike World in Albuquerque.

Thanks for being a part of my gripe fest. If you don't hear from me on my blog in the next couple weeks you'll know this turn for the good didn't continue. Hopefully I'll post again soon. Peace! I'm out.